I’m not sure about what to do now.

[Asher Narasaki]

I finally accepted that I was trans about a month ago, and havent come out due to fear of abandonment and anger. Since i’m still in college and living with my parents, I figured I should ask the questions I have no answer to.

1. How do I introduce myself now, if i’m by myself without parents? Can I use my new name and hope they don’t ask if im trans? Or should I use my deadname until I know them better? Or should i use my new name with strangers, and hope they don’t come incontact with my own family and friends?

2. Is it better to just overcome my fear and come out to my friends, family, and others? They arent violent, or anything like that. They are just scary, and possibily unsupporting, maybe even angry.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

How you introduce yourself crosses a number of different thoughts. There is one right way. It probably has more to do with what you are comfortable with and who you are talking to. Perhaps for someone with whom you want to have a continuing relationship with (friend, colleague, etc.) you may want  to invest the effort to explain how things sit for you, how you would like to be addressed, etc.

AS far as coming out goes, it is something that you will needed to do sooner or later. However, one thing that you want to avoid being outed by someone. Coming out is about telling your truth and explaining how things sit for you. No one else can tell your story. If someone does that then it becomes a function of what they think and whatever their prejudices are. Being outed puts you on the back foot and it is hard to recover from that…

[Alexandria (AKA Alex)]

Hi Asher, one of the hardest things to do. A suggestion…and I don’t think there is a perfect answer.
Try and judge the impact of your admission on your family and friends, what part of their opinion of you will be affected? That will give you an idea of who you can rely on. Armed with your opinion…it might suggest a softer than straight ‘out’ approach.
I take it you want your family and friends to understand and cooperate, be on your side? That will come in different percentages…and some won’t move at all.
I chose a ‘nickname’ which I hoped would be my final name…but at the outset you don’t truly know…you may well change it. In my case Alex… I encouraged its use but not demand it, I told people one by one, then slowly judged who was onboard. Actually my bestie still calls me my deadname (I don’t like that word)
Your friends and family like you…embrace that, softly softly is perhaps kinder on everyone. A journey of transformation for you all.
There will always be ar**ho*les who want to tear you down, call you out but if they are outnumbered or shunned by your family/friends they just look pathetic. Wish I could give you a perfect answer.
Alex x

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