In You Dreams!

[Aoife Mary M.]

One of the biggest signs you are trans is dreaming you are your true self, isn’t it? This has always been perhaps the biggest sign that maybe I am not. I can’t think of a single dream where I have ever been a woman, or even worn women’s clothes by choice (there have been naked dreams where they’re just what i find first and are not what I would choose and probably don’t fit!) I have certainly never dreamed of having a vagina. I have however, had many dreams about – for generality’s sake, women with penises. This I always attributed to not being particularly familiar with the female genitalia (the first instance was at 8 years old) as the only time it was with a real woman i knew to be cis was early in my relationship with my wife. Since regular familiarity with the vagina, these dreams have always been about known trans porn stars (surprise, that’s what I prefer!), so it barely seems to count.

As I accept that I probably am trans, I expect this to change, but I have come very, very close to acceptance (let’s call it false acceptance) all throughout my life, yet I have never dreamed as a woman, other than maybe one time. As usual, I feel like I must be alone in this, but I would love to hear otherwise. Anyone else [pretty much] never dream about being their preferred gender?

 

Hearts and rainbows,

Aoife

[Loren Dutton]

Hi Aoife,

Strangely, I’ve been have lots of dreams about wearing women’s clothes lately. This is relatively new, and It always comes with a feeling of real joy—which must have some meaning right?
I too have a lot of conflicting feelings and confusion about what my feminine side means. Am I, can I, call myself trans? At this point in my “journey”, I don’t think I can if I’m being honest with myself—and fair to those that are truly making the change.
is it all as confusing for you?

Hazel

[Aoife Mary M.]

yes! this is exactly how i feel whenever i say (to myself, silently of course) “i am a trans woman,” but my egg may have cracked last night. what we are is not what we do or how we look. i may look like a man and live as one for the rest of my long life, but i know i am not one. maybe i’m not even a woman, but somewhere in between. lately it seems like the “official” definition would still make that count as trans.

be you and love yourself, even if it’s just it your mind!

 

hearts and rainbows,

aoife

[Loren Dutton]

“What we are is not what we do or how we look”
such a lovely sentiment, and so freeing. Thanks for that.

[Anonymous]

Hi Aoife,

I have been a transgender-girl for the first 20 years of my life, and a transgender-woman from there-on.  Oddly enough the change from wanting to be a woman as compared to a girl was more confusing to me than the overall transgender part.

I don’t recall a single actually asleep dream where I am a girl or a woman.  Since my early teen years I have had a reoccurring dream of meeting someone at the airport, a 1050’s or 60’s style airport with the old style planes (this time period has been consistent even to this day).  The stairs are pushed up to the plane exit door and the door opens.  In my dream I am so excited and wanting.  Slowly a beautiful woman in a red dress comes out and stands at the exit door for a bit.  I explode with joy; this woman is whom I have been waiting for, longing for.  She slowly walks down the step as I go to meet her.  Before either of us get to the bottom of the stairs the dream disappears, as in a blink-gone.

I may have this dream every night for some time, or once a month or so.  Since I am fully out and only dress as a woman everywhere, the dream has not returned.  I told of this dream to a psychologist some time ago; her response was that the woman in red was me, and I was longing to be her.

Now: daytime dreaming as in the mist of near sleep…wooo baby; I have been a woman so many times, I have had so many lovers, I have fantasized my vagina until I actually orgasm.  Twilight longings are my most beautiful escape from reality.  So many men that don’t exist have tasted the pleasures of my womanly bliss!!

Love (to all those imaginary men)

Lukcia

[Aoife Mary M.]

that’s a beautiful and devastating dream. i don’t think i’ve ever dreamed like that but i think in some drugged up haze it had crossed my mind. they say hell is meeting the person you could have been at death and i guess i’ve always known that person is a woman. however, the most important question to ask is “when did she transition?” the most amazing person in the world is my daughter and i wouldn’t want to live in a world without her, even if i blossomed into a beautiful woman as a teenager.

i did though get this vision of how i would look as a girl when i was about 12. i saw myself so clearly – my face, hair, body, clothing… i wanted to be her so bad sometimes. i had nothing figured out, but she did. it was unrealistic though, i know not only was that not how it would go if i transitioned (even at an earlier age), but couldn’t be further from the reality if i had been born female. either way, i still see her so clearly and wonder at least where i would be now, two decades later if i were her. perhaps luckily, my dysphoria took a nosedive soon after.

[Stephanie Mac]

Aoife,

I 100% understand where you are coming from.  I have had maybe one or two dreams that I can vividly remember being a girl, and those are my favorite dreams to this day.  Talking dreams, does “day” dreaming count, if so then that number increases significantly!

But I often wonder how “Trans” am I, because I find myself comparing myself to others, and that is unfair to ourselves.  We have all been shaped by society and have some degree of phobia, which sneaks into our thoughts.

The only thing you need to be is true to yourself.  I am still work I on that too.

Steph

 

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