Indecisiveness in Transition

  • Creator
  • #90296
    Larry Smith

    CW:  Surgery, Genitalia Mention, mental health, politics


    Hey everybody, my name is Larry.  I’ve been transitioning for a couple of years, and I’ve been on hormone therapy for almost a year.  I’ve got top surgery on the books and I am SO ready for that.


    Recently I’ve been getting asked more and more what my plans are, if any, for lower surgery.  And on that issue, I’m really stuck.  I FEEL the lack of external genitals (I even get “phantom dick” sensations sometimes) and my bottom dysphoria is awful.  I also have a great desire to “top” during sex with my partner, and not being able to do that is sexually frustrating.  So having phallo makes sense right?


    Part of the problem is that I don’t really want to go through with the vaginectomy.  Even though having the v feels wrong, the idea of the surgery and how it would affect my sex life also feel wrong.  As I understand it, most surgeons won’t do UL or phallo without having that done.  I also have so many fears about phallo itself, even the other issue aside.  Fears about sensation, appearance, ability to function, how my partner will react to it, general fears about getting a bad result and not being able to undo it… My anxiety is off the chain.


    With the political climate not always being friendly to trans people, I don’t feel safe waiting forever to decide on this.  But I just feel so conflicted.  Any advice, or personal experiences if you’re willing to share, would be greatly appreciated.


    How did you decide if/what kind of lower surgery?

    Are you happy with your results?


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  • Author
    • #90898
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Larry, a question for you:

      Have you done any sort of therapy related to the issues that you raise? That would seem to be a good place to start. The human mechanism often acts to resist change; particularly significant changes like you are discussing that will impact many parts of you life. A good therapist can help you work through those issues so that you can decide upon a course of action…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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