- Yes and No..Answer in comments.
- December 7, 2018 at 4:54 pm #27827
Another poll this time gauging where people may sit within our spectrum.
I suppose for this poll I’ll have to set a scenario.
So a MtF Crossdresser who has no intention of transitioning, Lives happily as a male and dresses for pleasure ect.
Please feel free to comment and discuss.
Hugs Cami xx
- June 19, 2019 at 5:37 am #34990Stephanie PlumbParticipant
No one seems to talk about transsexuals. Isn’t this the definition of a transgender who has or is going to transition? Transgender is an umbrella term that covers both transsexuals and crossdressers. I have read that the term transwoman is a transgender that acknowledges they are female but does not plan to transition. Also I am very cross about “I’m proper transgender so I am superior …know better than you ….crossdressers (part time transgenders)”. Where has inclusivity gone?
I am a transgender woman. I do not plan to transition or live 24/7 as a woman. For one thing i’m too bloody old! My wife will divorce me and I might lose my children too. I have reconciled myself to being my female within and wear gender appropriate clothing whenever I can. But I think female 24/7. A female that has to crossdress as a man because I have to.
So… don’t anyone dare call me a part timer!
- June 20, 2019 at 3:31 am #35012
Thank you Stephanie and Jane,
Your questions and answers are beautifully written. Exclusivity in our community is not beneficial to anyone and in fact is damaging. Labels only are here to help us communicate an idea or concept, but in many ways have become weapons from without and within.
While TGH was created with some concerns over dividing what had been worked on to bring people together it also solved a problem of drawing transmasculine people and redirecting transition healthcare issues away from those who had no desire to have a physical transition. A comprehensive solution does elude, but the concept of sister sites does show a unity and we do have many members that participate in both sites, myself included.
The transgender umbrella and transgender unicorn models do help visualize some of the larger delineations within our community, but to me they only show mutual affinities and not any real tangible mental, physical or spiritual distinctions. The one thing that is obvious is that they appear to be cis exclusive. As much as we experience serious problems form the cis population we also experience loving support too which shows that even that segment of being human is not in some united accord. To that end I think maybe the environment that is all inclusive is just called humanity and the best way we celebrate that is with Pride events.
Feel free to debate anything I’ve said. I do not proclaim to be an authority, but rather someone who has spent a good deal of energy contemplating things that come into focus while I go about my life and maybe just has something that resonates.
- June 19, 2019 at 7:49 am #34995Jane DouglasParticipant
I don’t think anyone talks about transsexual women (and very few transsexual women frequent these sites) because they’re typically living life as a confident woman and not spending time seeking alternative community or defending their status as a woman.
I agree with you that “status” or “I’m more tranny than you” is a toxin in this community. But that’s human nature and a reflection of ego insecurity… not limited to this community.
On the definition of terms used to categorize the transgender community I thought I had heard it all, and there’s little consistency. But I’ve never heard the term “transwoman” defined as you put it… “acknowledges being female with no plans to transition”. I think “transwoman” and “transition” could be argued that both should be used as umbrella terms.
If we just break down the structure of the words the prefix “trans” means to change, and “woman” is a broad and sweeping term that includes all adult humans who aren’t men. Any meaning assigned the to the word beyond this is just a cultural agreement of definition and gets pretty murky pretty fast.
The word “transition” is similarly open. As a verb it describes the action of changing and as a noun it refers to a state of having changed. It doesn’t by any means define the completion of change relative to a possible trajectory. The end result of transitioning is defined by the one transitioning. In your case you have self imposed limitations, but if you’ve arrive at your desired destination then you’ve transitioned by your own account.
More on the the definition of the words… “Gender” is a social and cultural expression and has little to do with physicality. So transgender means a change in one’s expression on the sliding scale of male/female.
“Trans-sexual” on the other hand refers to a change in physicality, specifically genitalia. It doesn’t refer to the act of engaging in sexual activity, but I suppose that could be open to debate? In this community transsexual has come to describe one who has “fully transitioned”… that is to say one who has undergone Sexual Reassignment Surgery.
Gender is typically assumed to be female at transsexual stage but I have met some transsexual women who are far more masculine in their egoic expression than some men I know. Which shows that gender expression and the term “trans-gender” is also relative to the individual.
If we stick to the true meaning of the words and recognize that each of our journeys is as individual as we are as human beings there will be less confusion, judgement and perhaps less people being offended. 🙂
- June 19, 2019 at 11:49 am #35001
- May 30, 2019 at 7:00 am #34542Brenda LeighParticipantFREE
I’m not a fan of labeling but I do believe our society still has a need to label to explain who and what we are. For instance, I recently spent 6 days in the hospital and I was admitted wearing female clothing. The hospital admitted me as “Transgender” at my request and everyone was extremely nice to me during my stay, even addressing me as “Brenda” which is not yet my legal name. So, I needed that label to explain my situation and everyone understood.
But I feel there are far too many labels flying around, especially describing cross dressers and again there needs to be a single label to describe CDers. I have always considered a Transgender person as someone who is involved or moving forward with transition and a cross dresser as someone who is happy being male but enjoys wearing woman’s clothing, very simple. I do understand that those lines are not defined these days and I’m not sure if I agree with that as it leaves too much room for assumption.
So as much as I hate labeling, we are all just people, I see a need for it in our society!!
- June 6, 2019 at 9:10 am #34716Davida MaeParticipantFREE
Hi Doll; I’m a MTF Closet Girl who’ been Dressing less than a year. I personally have already accepted that whether I freely step out of my Closet or whether I’m outed … with that Newsflash, I will be tagged or labeled with everything under the Transgender Umbrella except Crossdresser. Personally, I know and understand that people use terms that know and understand… especially if they’re completely ignorant of the topic until they’re educated… “ ain’t got time for that”
- June 7, 2019 at 6:16 am #34738
My favorite is when they assume you’re some kind of “super gay”….wow look at him he’s so gay he’s turning into a girl! That is what my ex wife thinks, and has told me. Btw, nothing against being gay, but I’ve always only been attracted to women. I just happen to also want to become one, cause that’s how I feel. But some people will never understand that.
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- June 7, 2019 at 7:53 am #34743
Ohhh….”Super Gay”, what a joke! As if sexuality and gender are the same thing, as if flaming (femme) gay men created transgender folx. As if! Transgender folx created the “Gay Movement” by throwing the first stones at Stonewall. Tiff, you should tell those “Super Straights” to go super study the gender and sexuality minorities. There are textbooks on this stuff. I found one last week at Quatrefoil Library that had stories on us in the US dating back to 1848.
- May 30, 2019 at 7:44 am #34544
Labeling someone is one of those things. It can be the worst thing to do. It can be benign such as if the person knows you and gave you permission. In a hospital setting one’s life may depend on a label. I’m a trans woman, I’ve been medically transitioning for three years, so there’s some labels on my medical records so if I go to a hospital strange to me that they’ll know what body type I have despite my outward appearance and legally transitioned name and gender. On my medical record I’m called a “MTF Transgender Person”. I disagree with this phrase. In my opinion in should be “AMAB(Assigned Male At Birth) Transgender Female”. All this business telling others I was ever a man instead of being forced to be one is ridiculous as calling everyone and everything “crazy”. Which sadly so many people do everyday and I believe is a big hot dish of ableism.
Labeling someone can actually be extremely dangerous! It might get them noticed in the wrong spot, get them attacked, fired, chased, or even spiral them into depression and be a trigger for suicide. It’s a very serious matter according to Elijah C. Nealy who works as a psychologist with transgender children and youth. I’ve been reading his book lately so I can best help our children and youth on my radio show, Gender Radio. In the book and his dealings with his patients he asks himself, before he labels someone, is there no other way to address this issue without labeling the person? He says that using someone’s preferred name and pronouns is always for the best.
I think it’s interesting and mildly disturbing how professional, and other, sports handle the Transgender community’s participants. Transgender used here in its first definition, as the umbrella term for all Transgender, Non-Binary and Gender Non-Conforming folx. According to the Olympic Committee, we have to prove via letter from a doctor and/or blood test that we have been on HRT for at least a year prior to being able to compete with cisgender folx within our gender. The PDGA/Professional Disc Golf Association follows this ruling from 2015, too. The only thing I don’t appreciate about this is now I have to out myself to my refs, go out of my way and pay extra money to my doc to have this letter, and it just makes my day out on the links suck that much more. I also don’t appreciate being labeled as a “MTF” instead of something like “Trans Woman” or even just “Woman”. I certainly didn’t pay all that cash and go through all this turmoil and physical pains just to be called a Male to Female, omg!! I wish the world would just let me be who and what I am and have some tact!
- May 30, 2019 at 8:01 am #34545
I should have mentioned, too, that according to the Olympic Committee, trans men have no limitation or requirements of proving their T level to officials and also non-binary folx aren’t even mentioned. NB folx here in MN have been a legal gender since last Fall. It hasn’t seemed to change anything yet such as bathrooms, locker rooms, or mentions. Folx still address everyone as either male/female or men/women.
Personally, I think for professional, and other, sports that we should create a different set of classes. Instead of being about gender it makes more ethical sense to qualify folx according to their strength, height, etc. which would more closely match folx to their abilities than gender would. There’s plenty of women, binary cisgender or binary transgender, that are as strong or stronger than men whether those men are binary cisgender or binary transgender. I would love to see NB folx be able to be equal and able to participate in sports and the rest of life with the rest of us, too.
Do we need to label/gender each other? Yes, however, with much more thought and applied ethics and only to promote and create equity. Nice question! 😉
- May 24, 2019 at 12:40 pm #34409Fiona MossParticipantFREE
Hi Cami, this is a question that has popped into my head several times and there are indeed arguments for and against it. I voted yes and no accordingly.
On the yes side, i suppose some would argue that crossdressing is merely a stepping stone before one transitions.
On the No side, not everyone that transitions, crossdressed before. Although i would argue that a high percentage probably have.
Of course there are many other factors, such as maybe some would prefer just to crossdress because of family issues, maybe they might feel that it would be unfair on their partner if they transitioned. Its a fascinating question though Cami, and thanks for bringing it to the forefront!
Love and kisses, Fiona xxx
- May 15, 2019 at 5:52 am #34158
i checked yes but in retrospect, I shoulda checked yes/no cause I didn’t consider drag performers who are genuinely doing it for grins. But everyone else I think lie on the spectrum or cloe’s matrix with this. And I was one of those cross dressers who evolved further in thought and realized that my mind was different beyond cd. But for a long time, I wouldn’t have known the difference, and I woulda gladly taken the cd label. One reason I don’t like labels. I like transgender as an umbrella because let’s face it we gotta be called something and by doing it this way we affirm each other. There is power in standing together. And I’m proud to stand alongside the cds and call them my sister.
- May 25, 2019 at 6:15 am #34425
I have been thinking more about this, and I think I have an analogy that explains it fully. In medicine there’s a concept called a risk factor. This is something, and bear with me if it seems elementary at first, that means an elevated chance of another, definitive and discrete condition being present. And for the record, I DO NOT in ANY WAY thing transgender is pathological. This is analogy only. Example is, babies that have seizures when they have fevers. This is a condition that almost all people who have epilepsy have, but the majority of babies that have one do not go on to be epileptic. Percentages are not far off either. Epilepsy is 1 out of every hundred. 5 out of every hundred have one or more seizure as a baby. Kinda like trans and cd….now each seizure as a baby increases it further. 2=10%. 3=33%. 4=75%. 5+=>98%. Taking the cd analogy further, wearing panties or hose as a kid is like a 1. Doing it intermittently over years a 2, buying your own stuff a 3, presenting in public is somewhere around a 4. Not exactly, but it’s an analogy. Maybe a better way of looking at cd is that it’s a risk factor or I prefer the term precondition myself for being transgender. How does this sound to y’all?
however, either was, I’m going to support any cd I come across, because once I thought that’s what I was, and it’s dark and lonely there too. And if the amazing people at cdh hadn’t been there for me, I may never have figured out what I was.
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- May 15, 2019 at 4:18 am #34139Josie SnowParticipantFREE
I voted ‘yes and no’ because, at least personally, I believe some crossdressers are hiding their true self and just waiting for that one eureka moment to incentivize themselves to take the next step down the road to transition.
On the other hand, some crossdressers are simply dressing themselves up to fulfill a fantasy or sexual urge, albeit temporarily. In other words, it comes and goes, but they don’t feel the need to physically alter their physiology.
I fall into the former camp.
- May 14, 2019 at 6:43 am #34087Jane DouglasParticipant
This question seems to me rooted in discrimination and/or exclusivity. I’m curious to know what the motivation was behind promoting a potentially negative and divisive subject?
Just to be clear I’m not a cross dresser, but there was a stage in my life when I was. I suspect we’ve all lived through it, and some who are reading this forum are still living it.
Some of us progress beyond the stage of cross dressing and some don’t. The idea of labeling and potentially limiting someone’s self understanding in what might might be an important formative stage of their life doesn’t serve anyone.
Division is a growing weed in western society and our community isn’t immune to it. We can be better than this and perhaps set an example for all.
- May 15, 2019 at 1:05 am #34126
Thank you Jane. I know a lot of people see it the same. But it is already out there and as you can tell from the response rates there is division. I ascribe to the umbrella model as far as the labelling goes, but I’m no fan of labelling. In the end it is somewhat necessary as they do help us communicate and find community. Without the label what would we call this site? The problem isn’t necessarily the labels themselves, but rather how people respond to them.m I mean we can have 500 names for different types of roses but no one really hates a rose (unless maybe allergic). I for one invite the discussion as it help create a platform from which to communicate who we are and I choose not to denigrate CD’s or gender fluid or any other identity that is out there. It’s probably best to think of it as one big family and some are wonderful cousins and some are siblings.
Peace to you, Ambassador Cloe
- April 19, 2019 at 4:36 am #33575Terri MParticipantFREE
I voted yes and no. Im 70 and went out for the first time in 1978 or 9. The expression “Gender Train” comes to mind. We used to say at the support meetings that we are all on the train. Some of us took the train to the last stop Full Transitiin. Some went half way and maybe had implants or some partial surgery and others never had any body altering drugs. Since I first I went out therehave been so many labels. I think too many of us are labeling ourselves and not doing whats important in just being happy.
- April 18, 2019 at 8:35 am #33544
I am probably going to open a proverbial (can of worms here) but this is what I know.
I am growing breasts, have nails, am training my voice, and sit when I pee due to T-blocker shrinkage of my privates. I live my life AS a female. Cross-dressers do it (Part Time) and to my knowledge can fit their alter ego in a suitcase. I know this due to being one for many years. #Raised in strict Polish Roman Catholic family.
Cross Dressers Growing breasts and hiding them due to family/work are simply bashful T.S./T.G.s in my experience. @ Alter ones’ body? You cross a line. Tracee
- April 17, 2019 at 9:51 pm #33525
- March 19, 2019 at 9:22 pm #32908Frances FrondorfParticipantFREE
- March 14, 2019 at 8:14 am #32821Kirsten CParticipantFREE
This seems pretty simple. In your op it says mtf crossdresser who is happy to be male and isn’t transitioning. That’s more fetish than trans. So no. Transgender doesn’t mean you have to transition and sure crossdressers can be transgender, but in this example it seems to me the mtf in question simply dresses for external pleasure not mental relief.
I started out my journey 3+ decades ago crossdressing. I thought I was a crossdresser because I didn’t know what trans was. But from a very young age I wanted to transition. So in actuality I was never a crossdresser. I have always been a trans woman. Just didn’t know. I dressed to feel whole. To feel normal. To feel like myself. And eventually that wore off. Because no matter how well you can dress yourself up, that’s not what makes you… well you.
As I always say transition has nothing to do with becoming the opposite physical sex. It only has to do with finding yourself, and becoming someone that you are proud of. Because that’s really all that matters isn’t it?! Labels are nothing but words put together by some person who may or may not have known anything about anything. Labels are meant to keep things separated. And that’s not any good imho.
There were some very interesting responses here. Some are more broad spectrum vs this individual case, but very interesting to read. And if you’re wondering what my “label” is I guess I am a polyamorous pansexual Demi girl but if I told 99% of the people in this world that was the case, they’d just look at me like I was talking in Sanskrit or something. Lol. So I’m simply trans. And that’s fine. Or even better, I am me. Love it or leave it. ❤️
- March 14, 2019 at 1:08 am #32818Jeralyn SmithParticipantFREE
You all can take all the Labels and stick them up someone’s ASS. Lables can be very hurtful and the bottom line is, You are what you want to be when you want to be that.
So Stuff It
Are you replying to me because that’s pretty much what I said.
- April 19, 2019 at 5:02 am #33576
I agree with you, but may say it differently.
I thought I may be bi, but learned more of what that means and now know now I am not bi.
After chatting with my Dr. the real possibility of being non-binary, am dealing with more of a fluid classification. That really works, because if we hold ourselves to a label, we are doing the same as with the first label we all received, all feminine or all masculine
I am androgynous and still finding my way.
- March 1, 2019 at 1:28 pm #32569Danielle NusParticipantFREE
Another poll this time gauging where people may sit within our spectrum.
I suppose for this poll I’ll have to set a scenario.
So a MtF Crossdresser who has no intention of transitioning, Lives happily as a male and dresses for pleasure ect.
Please feel free to comment and discuss.
Hugs Cami xx
In my opinion they are not trans,reason being they are satisfied for who they are , unlike a trans we feel missed placed in our own bodies and looking for a way to change our bodies to have a peace of mind that we match of who we are
- June 19, 2019 at 5:47 am #34991Stephanie PlumbParticipant
You are missing the point. It is possible they are in denial and in fact have a female wired brain (BSTc) but a lifetime of being raised as a boy AMAB has endowed on them a male gender identity that they have not yet thrown off and is at odds with their brain structure. I wouldn’t mind betting that a lot of “100% male pleasure only crossdressers” do not realise their underlying gender, or do, but fight against it.
- February 28, 2019 at 6:56 am #32551
- February 27, 2019 at 5:09 am #32525Jeralyn SmithParticipantFREE
I would say yes and I would caution against the just of labels which can cause a lot of damage. I’m thinking that there are also cross dressers who simply haven’t transitioned yet for various reasons. There may be some who never do but we don’t know the reasons (which would vary from person to person) for them either. I began transitioning when I lived on the Russian River (not too far from San Francisco) after years of denial.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to live there any longer and had to move. I ended up moving to a place in Washington State which is no where near as…”progressive” (not really sure what the right word to use here is) as the place I previously lived. Not long after moving, I was the victim of a traumatic event because I’m a trans female. It’s taken me years to get back to the place I was at with my transitioning as I was when I moved.
- February 28, 2019 at 8:23 am #32557
- February 23, 2019 at 8:14 am #32446
The Transgender Community’s terms, or labels, are a living language. They’re constantly changing. Currently the umbrella term covers trans, non-binary, gender non-conforming, drag performers, and many others greatly depending on one’s culture. As a trans woman I feel being called anything other than trans is insulting, a slur, and not nice. Of course, I’m just fine being called a woman without the adjective(s). In fact, that’s what I call myself on the street and that’s what my ID’s say, too. I’m following how other women, mostly ciswomen, present themselves. I’ve only heard one ciswoman locally declare that she is a ciswoman. I declare the trans part mostly in the written word so that my readers can know what they can’t see or to weigh in on a transgender issue. I do think transgender is better than transsexual, but truth be told, I don’t appreciate the term for me being also the umbrella term. It confuses a lot of people! Check out this local glossary of terms made by the youth of our community here in Minnesnowta: https://www.reclaim.care/who-we-are/queer-and-trans-101.html or just google for: Reclaim Trans 101 if the link doesn’t work. It’s way comprehensive and worth a read.
- February 27, 2019 at 8:37 pm #32545Kelli BlueParticipantFREE
Cis male crossdressers are gender non-conforming, that’s their label. They are not trans anything they’re cis.
About 10% of non-binaries are trans, that’s what the white stripe on our trans flag is for. The overwhelming majority are cis.
Transsexuals, as much as some people take issue with that word, are people who have medically and/or legally changed their sex. It’s says “sex: m/f” on everyone’s birth certificate, state issued ID card, medical records, etc. It DOES NOT say “gender: m/f”. Transsexual is the medical and legal term for someone who has changed their sex. Get over it.
Transgender has been accepted as a catch all term for gender non-conforming, non-binary, and other gender variants, as well as transsexuals for so long that there’s probably no chance of limiting the definition at this point.
I was born gender:f, but I was assigned sex:m at birth. I’ve changed my sex not my gender, and I identify as Transsexual.
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- April 18, 2019 at 4:11 pm #33570
I was assigned M at birth as well Lisa. Being Intersex and my parents choosing my gender sucked. But here I am listening to the result some Rhoads scholar came up with to describe me, you and everyone else.
Keeping with being simple and call me what you will , BUT: Gay people were male, Lesbian people were female. Where on god earth did we lose the simplicity and ease of it all. LMAO In keeping with being simple and call me what you will.
I therefore am a lesbian non conforming trapped inside a Binary males’ Intersex body! Period Confusing enough 4 ya? THTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTH
- February 24, 2019 at 8:07 am #32485
Dasia, I have trouble with the adjectives and prefixes myself. So much so I did my own thought experiment and came up with convergent woman. I have no problem being outted and even do it myself sometimes. My history is my history and that comes with facts I can never change. So I don’t obsess over it and move on. I understand this comes with passibility bias, but that is a truth I live with too.
- February 24, 2019 at 4:46 pm #32489
Thanks for the reply. I think it’s important to one’s worldview to have a researched and well intended opinion on matters of public opinion. In the end it seems most of us follow what terms the academics come up with. I’m elated to see that you have your own way. I’m a free thinker as well. I’m doing my best to support, protest for, and perhaps soon even help draft better public policy for us. While I don’t think American State and Federal Law are the only important cultural platforms, I see it as my civic duty to at least support my own interests within it. It’s more about self preservation than obsession. I wish I had a vote within our community what term was used, however, we are not a nation nor democratic. Near as I can tell we’re a medical research series that hasn’t enough funding to be well researched.
- April 18, 2019 at 4:24 pm #33571
OOOOWWWW You go! “D”
- January 16, 2019 at 4:10 pm #31666Erica MitchellParticipantFREE
I answered yes and no because I believe that there is a broad spectrum of men who cross dress. I began cross dressing, like many boys, around age 9. I had my first orgasm while masturbating while dressed, thus associating it with sexual arousal from then on. That’s not to say I could only be aroused by cross dressing, but it remained a big–and very secret and shameful–part of my life all through adolescence and adulthood. In my case I didn’t always think about wanting to be a woman, I just knew that looking and feeling as feminine as I could gave me a great feeling on an emotional as well as sexual level.
I believe many men experience it on this level. Based on my own experience, I really feel for those who dream of coming out of the closet but feel it’s impossible. I told myself it was impossible for most of my life, since I’m way too big to pass, but finally reached the point where I just had to do it, and damn the consequences. I’ve never been happier, having begun HRT and physical transition about 18 months ago. But the question remains: was I transgender when I only did it in secret, sometimes rarely? I don’t know. Did I only become truly transgender when I started HRT, or only when I began living as female full time, including legal name and gender change? Again, I don’t know the answer. All I know is it makes me incredibly sad thinking about all the other men and boys out there who have these desires but can’t accept themselves, and torture themselves because of them.
- January 29, 2019 at 5:01 pm #32027AmeliaParticipantSILVER
I remember sitting at my mothers dressing table trying on her stockings when I was about 4 years old and continued to cross dress whenever I could throughout my life. I always wanted to be a girl but not to the point of dysphoria. After recently “Coming out” I realised I had been decieving myself and the need to become a woman has now dominated my thoughts constantly.
- January 15, 2019 at 10:19 pm #31650Patricia AllenParticipantFREE
The real question we are asking here is: How gender non-conforming to you have to be to be transgender?
In answer to that I think we need to define just what is gender, and how does it become trans. I’ve been involved in discussion board for a long time. Decades ago, there were newsgroups. Some of you may be old enough to remember them. The one I participated in was alt.support.crossdressing. Many of the notable members of our community participated. The idea (to which I subscribe) was floated that gender was a spectrum; with Masculine on one end and Feminine on the other. Society mistakenly seems to think that sex and gender are synonymous. But as stated in alt.support.crossdressing; sex is what’s between your legs and gender is what’s between your ears. Sex is pretty much either or, whereas, gender is varying shades, siding from one end of the spectrum to the other.
In truth, no one is actually at either extreme end of the gender spectrum. Carl Jung (google him) stated that there is something masculine about every woman and something feminine about every man.
So what we are discussing here is just how far away from the end does one have to be to be transgender. The next question that has to be considered is: Is that a fixed point or can a person progress, or even regress? These two questions are the heart of transgender.
From my personal observation (echoed by many I’ve talked to) is that gender is not a static condition for those of us in the trans community. Most of us, when we discover the first indication of our trans nature have reactions that reflect the societal view around us. That is; we reject the idea as being something to be avoided. Many years of denial ensue. We convince ourselves that, in the case of MTF, we are really men and this aberration present in our gender is transient… that it’s just some phase or curiosity on our part. Certainly not something to embrace.
After some time, we come to acknowledge that we have to deal with it in some way or another. Often we search for a label to explain just who, or what we are. The first and most common label is transvestite, oops that’s a pejorative, offensive term, more politically correct, cross-dresser. It’s safe. We simply cross-dress, but we’re still men… ok, so we appreciate women’s fashion to the point that we like to wear them…. BUT WE’RE STILL MEN.
I personally spent decades telling myself that lie and believing it. But as we get older, we come slowly to realize, not only will our desire to wear the clothes go away, but the need, because that’s what it really is, becomes more urgent and frequent. The dissatisfaction with our body begins to rear its ugly head. We then are force to reevaluate our gender. Are we indeed, just a cross-dresser, or is there something more going on.
In my personal experience, cross-dressing has gone on for over six decades in the beginning; it was a diversion; then a compulsion, and finally a way of life. About twenty years ago, I began to desire physical changes and sought excuses as to why that wasn’t in the cards. About five years ago, I admitted to myself that I really wanted physical validation of what was going on inside. About two years ago, I got the opportunity to do something about it and started on HRT.
Since I crossed that threshold, I think no one would deny me inclusion in the transgender category. The question posed here then prior to that time when expressing my feminine nature by cross-dressing was enough, was I or was I not transgender?
My answer is I was always transgender only I didn’t always admit it even to myself.
- February 21, 2019 at 3:37 pm #32426Tommie WasserbergParticipantFREE
I also voted yes and no. Typical drag queen and fetishists don’t consider themselves to be trans . For them it’s a game, but what about the people we call closet queens or weekend warriors, many of whom suffer raging gender dysphoria and for various reasons can only express in female mode in private? I feel that bullying closeted trans people is bad for the community as a whole.
I’ll be giving a talk on Relational Bullying in the Transgender Community on my You Tube channel starting in about 90 minutes. https://youtu.be/PqhbG72LGLs
I’ll be reading this blog by a trans man bullied by Truscums. I’m currently being bullied by Truscums and you’ll no doubt see them trolling me if you watch. https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2015/12/12/why-arent-more-trans-people-denouncing-truscum/comment-page-1/#comment-15536
Transgender is an umbrella term and there are no rules on being transgender anywhere I know of. The mantra passed to me is that we’re all uniquely crafted and all make our own decisions how to express ourselves. Nobody’s transition or lack of one invalidates anybody else’s gender expression. We need to celebrate diversity and support each other always.
Sex and gender are not hard wired to each and there is enormous variation, both physically and emotionally, not simply one or the other. As you say, gender has been clearly demonstrated to express on a spectrum and a significant portion of the population is born better suited, both physically and emotionally for the transgender role. At least two per cent are born intersexed to some degree and at least half of them suffer GD to such a degree that medical intervention is necessary (My personal conclusion: All transgender people are intersexed but not nearly all intersexed people are transgender).
I was subjected to genital surgery as a toddler, leaving me with pretty standard issue male junk that my brain, looking for a vagina there, couldn’t see properly. I don’t know about anybody else, but the sensory input from that junk into a brain thinking it’s connected to a vagina is maddening. it still is after 4 years of HRT. My shrink is fascinated by my back story. She’s young and it’s everything her text book told her to expect.
Having online community has meant the world to me to have other transgender people to share experiences and ideas with . The cis world has been kind to me since coming out but there are just some things they’ll never understand about being transgender until they experience it themselves.
- January 15, 2019 at 9:37 pm #31646Stephanie JonesParticipantFREE
The Rules of Transition. At what point does a duck become a swan? The only person who can tell you how you feel about it is you.
I would say that two-spirited simply means you have a strong, perhaps even dominantly feminine side, or aspect to your makeup. How you express it or it expresses itself within you depends on your personal needs and comfort level.
- January 7, 2019 at 10:16 pm #31454
- January 29, 2019 at 5:10 pm #32028AmeliaParticipantSILVER
Don’t worry about “Labels” Jon and don’t let others use them to define you. I think crossdressing was an expression of my subconscious desire to be a woman,one that I could put back in a box (often after an orgasm) and resume my charade as a man a thereby keeping my male ego intact.
- January 8, 2019 at 3:54 am #31458
- January 7, 2019 at 10:53 am #31446Tami CParticipant
My two cents, and I am fully aware that it’s just my two cents and that I could exchange my two Lincolns for two others at any time.
My thoughts: First off: Labels can be sooooo incomplete in there definitions that it really is just a matter of opinion sometimes. Secondly: It is possible for a person to merely enjoy the physical sensation of wearing the attire of the opposite sex but have no interest in experiencing or expressing the “essence” of that gender. That interest in experiencing or expressing is really the crux of being transgender (again, just my opinion). Thirdly: I think Cloe’s “matrix or cloud” theory is spot on. There are so many degrees of desire and transition that for someone to place a label on you is totally irrelevant, choose your own label, it really DOESN’T matter!
Love and respect to ALL, (except haters, lol)
- January 7, 2019 at 4:02 pm #31452
- January 7, 2019 at 2:59 am #31441
… I am a bit confused on this.
A lot of people are and it’s interpreted differently. In the end you are you and you like whomever you like. This is YOUR definition of YOU. Don’t let the labels define you.
Sometimes I think we are still too focused on what others think and are not settled within ourselves. This was certainly my case and I still have to watch out for it. I danced closely with a CD this past weekend and it caused my mind to race. I know for a fact that I value relationships far more than sex, which seems to be the opposite of most people I run into. After a weekend of introspection I came to realize I’m just not sure enough within myself to really be much of a partner and I certainly don’t want to start a relationship with someone who wouldn’t care to change with me as I change including possible changes in preferences.
- January 7, 2019 at 3:59 pm #31451
- January 7, 2019 at 5:01 am #31442
- February 24, 2019 at 9:48 pm #32492
I loved the comment about Southern California (I used to live in Santa Monica years back) but my thought on this subject is that most crossdresser M2F are not going to transition..many identify with the female but in many instances it s more of a sexual fantasy than an actual reality of existence..for example look at the large amount of porn out there with crossdressers as part of a Mistress Slave relationship, which results in the male being “humiliated” by dressing as a female, a scenario I find very repugnant..Ultimately humiliating the concept of femininity rather than the so called “slave”..So from that commonplace standpoint I would be inclined to say that (and I hate labels as much as the next person, that by and large it is a very big stretch to call a crossdresser “transgender”..transgender in appearance temporarily but not actually transgender in actuality.
- January 7, 2019 at 12:17 am #31437
Is a gay crossdresser transgender? Being gay and wanting to be a women seems to fit the conservative definition of being transgender. They want to be a woman and they like men. But in reality I have learned although they like to dress as a women, the true inclination is to find a boy friend. I known one such person. However he has given up on crossdressing as the major motivation is to find a gay boyfriend. I am further informed that most gay men aren’t into crossdressers as they like men. I know from speaking with this person that he gave up crossdressing and now goes male in order to find a gay boyfriend. On the other side you have the transgender that wants to live as a girl and in some cases transition to be one as much as they can with the belief they are a woman in a mans body. As a true woman they are interested in men. Some how I get lost in the translation. Another question I have is can a transgender person also be a lesbian, wanting to transition to female and wanting to be with a female. So here you have a person who wants to dress as a girl and be with a girl. It seems the whole thing is more of a labeling problem which seems to key on whether the crossdresser wants to be a woman all of the time, then they are transgender or a gay guy who likes to dress as a woman all the time but will not to in order to find a gay mate. I am a bit confused on this.
- February 22, 2019 at 9:40 am #32437
I think we worry too much about what name we may fall under. The Bottom Line is, we are what we believe we are and how we go about it. And for what it is worth I believe I’m a woman with all my Heart and I believe I’m a Lesbian. That in itself is a long story to talk about down the road.
Love You All,
- January 7, 2019 at 3:53 pm #31450
Read Dr Anne Lawrence’s book, a”men in men’s bodies” I think. It describes this well. She understands men who are heterosexual and want to be women as loving themselves as women. She calls it autogynophila, which is a pity as she sees these men as having a mental problem that can be cured. Otherwise I like her explanation s
- January 6, 2019 at 5:32 pm #31434Jon ChiParticipantFREE
I do what I do to feel more feminine and it sets my mind at ease. If not a single person in the world could see me, I could care less. If everyone in the world could see me, I wouldn’t feel any different . I don’t present or act, I just do, and I do it for myself. What label am I?
- January 7, 2019 at 12:07 am #31436
- January 3, 2019 at 1:52 pm #31357Samantha G.AmbassadorAMBASSADOR
Considering myself a crossdresser I feel like I’m “Transgender Light” to use beer terminology. I think we all fall under the term Trans but someone who is taking HRT and having surgeries to transform their body into what they feel they should have been is clearly different from me. I also don’t think we should get hung up on the terminology and just accept each other no matter how far we go to express ourselves.
- January 2, 2019 at 9:34 am #31311Brenda ScottParticipantSILVER
I have a male and a female spirit inside of me. This is a truism for all transgender people who are within the cross-dresser to transsexual spectrum. The thing to remember is that we are all on one spectrum and even the lowly cross-dresser who gets sexual endorphins from dressing in female clothing needs to be in his mind no lower in status than the all mighty gender passing transsexual. For the MTF’s of us we have to get over our penchant for boasting that mine in bigger than yours, ha, ha.
- January 2, 2019 at 7:45 am #31303
I would have to say yes, crossdressers are transgender in the broad sense, even if they don’t live it. Many do not want to transition to full en femme like others do. I do love dressing up as a women, adore doing my makeup and stockings really make my legs look good. Based on my research that would make me Gender dysphoric. My Gender mind set is about 50/50 male and female. So I have the need to dress and do like it. Therefore although I don’t want to be only femme all the time, means I want to transfer between the two (i.e. Transgender).
I would have to say no if transgender is taken narrowly, I do know there are lots of us who want to live it 24/7 and some want or have SRS. They want to be a girl. If you take the term transgender to me one who wants to be the other, then maybe across the board all cross dressers are not transgender. So maybe it is both and maybe it is not. For me I do consider myself a T girl and do like it.
- January 2, 2019 at 5:32 am #31301Christina HowellParticipantFREE
I voted No, because to me Transgender is someone born one sex, but knows they are really the other sex. I live my life Full Time as a Woman. I want the same things that any other Woman wants. Yes Im Bi, but no matter which sex I am with, I will only want it to be as a Woman in the way I receive or give in the relationship. A crossdresser to me, is someone who enjoys acting & dressing like a woman or male, but still enjoys sex as male or as a female if the are female & dress as a male. Just my view, but I will always treat them with Respect and use the terms & pronouns of who they when showing the World who they are. He/Him or She/Her & if I know their name, I will use the one that represents who they are or the one they prefer me to call them.
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- December 31, 2018 at 7:44 am #31267Johna MeliusParticipantFREE
- I answered yes, for the simple fact that if you crossdress then you at some point are genderfluid, making you Transgendered. Which allows that flow from masculine and feminine to happen.
- December 29, 2018 at 8:52 pm #31173Codille BentonManaging AmbassadorMANAGING AMBASSADOR
I said Yes,
I guess to no surprise. I feel I am mentally 60% Male and 40% Female. I will NOT ever transition. That said, when I am en femme I certainly identify myself as female not a male in drag. on the flip side when I dress in a mens suit, tie, etc. I am most certainly identifying as male. Most of the time now for the last several years I have dressed however I felt that day which is certainly a large blend of both male and female traditional traits, but that is the key word “traditional”. The term two-spirit came into my world a little over a year ago, that may be the closest of all the million terms I can identify with these days. So as a CD that is a MTF Two-Spirit, I absolutely consider myself Transgender and am proud to be part of this community and in supporting all variations of Transgender individuals in the world (Physical and Mental).
- December 28, 2018 at 2:31 pm #31043Gloria UpjohnParticipantSILVER
Hello my very new Female name is Gloria🙎♀️ I do love saying my new name💝
GloriaUpjohn Gloria GloriaUpjohn🎉🎉🎉
Even when I was young I loved girls panties
They felt great and I have worn them a lot
for almost 30 years❤️
I could think of them as feeling good
HOWEVER now older and more honest
with myself THEY ARE ALL ABOUT BEING
SEXEY TO ATTRACT THE MAN I WANT
TO MY OR HIS OR ANY BED💕
It comes down to ATTRACTING MEN
FOR ME 👨💼
Going to start moving to more feminine
close in public and see what happens
maybe add a discreet bra under clothes
I have some long shirts that I where around
the house FEELS LIKE A SHORT DRESS
I LOVE IT
THINKING I HATE PANTS 🎉🙆♀️
the more they call me a girl the HAPPIER
I GET 💕🙎♀️🙏
- December 31, 2018 at 12:56 am #31259Sandra NicholsParticipantFREE
I have been crossdressing all my life. My mother began crossdressing me as a baby then at puberty I began wearing my sisters clothes. Here I am age 54 and I consider myself a woman. I am not taking hormones or plan on surgery but the feeling of being a woman is so natural and comforting to me. Yes I was a m to f crossdresser but I am woman now. I unfortunately have to hide Sandra from my wife and coworkers but I wear panties and tights under my uniform . I feel i am now a f to m crossdresser and that you don’t have to have hormone therapy or surgery to feel and be the woman we were all meant to be
- December 27, 2018 at 2:52 am #30820Annie GallagherParticipantFREE
- December 27, 2018 at 2:44 am #30818LouiseParticipant
I answered no because I believe a crossdresser is satisfied with being a crossdresser and they are happy with who they are and being transgendered is a desire for a physical change to be happy with who they are. I love to dress and I have a closet and a dresser full of clothes but I don’t consider it crossdressing. I was born a male decades ago and I have had to live the male image forever but mentally I am a woman and I always have been for as long as I can remember so my only crossdressing is when I have to put on my male clothes and I am not happy with that.
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- December 21, 2018 at 12:33 pm #30080Suzy SmithParticipantFREE
Hi. I answered yes and no. It could be a person cross dresses only because they can’t get hold of hormones. Or social and cultural pressure may prevent them. Or they are very masculine. Good question. Am i lesbian even though its impossible? 💋
- December 21, 2018 at 5:26 am #30014
I have found cross dressing and being transgender can have many degrees within the categories. I know many men that just like to dress only to attract their partner with no other tendencies or desire to transition. I like a feminine person and I have some fem qualities but I don’t know if I have some degree of trans. I hope I do because it will help me understand myself better.
- December 19, 2018 at 7:15 pm #29853Tami WParticipantFREE
Emphatically no they are not even close to the same thing. As part of the lesbian community, there are a lot of very butch women who shop the men’s department, but are not trans, and have no desire to change their bodies. The difference for men is the social acceptance of wearing cross gender clothing, if there was no stigma the difference would be simple to see. Essentially it comes down to the difference in gender expression versus being transgender and having the desire to truly change your body fundamentally in every way. A crossdresser is about what you do, and how you express yourself, being transgender is deeper and more fundamental about who you truly are. Just my humble opinion.
- December 16, 2018 at 4:19 am #29350Shanda LabonteParticipantSILVER
- December 16, 2018 at 12:40 am #29328Trisha KobichenkoParticipantFREE
I answered yes and no…
I have never known exactly what my gender is. I think gender is something of a sliding scale for me. I envy those who can say with absolute certainty that they are male or female, in spite of, or because of, birth happenstance. While I was born male, I have felt more feminine than masculine for most of my life. There are aspects of maleness that I enjoy, mostly in athletics, and dress unisex when out, female whenever I am home. I just know that I am not really aware of my clothes when dressing as female, it is just how I dress, but am aware when I am dressed unisex that I am less comfortable than when I wear women’s clothes.
My partner is totally comfortable with my gender expression, but has expressed that she would not be amenable to a sex change, and we have many decades invested in our relationship, so I respect her wishes.
With regards to whether or not a Crossdresser is really Transgender, for me the title is irrelevant. I just play the game, others can keep score.
- December 13, 2018 at 7:45 am #28820LeslieAnneParticipantFREE
To say i’am a crossdresser and not Transgender is saying you can see my future . I crossdress all the time and this may not be my true ending in my quest. If i can finance it i will go the total transgender route,but this may never happen.I have always considered myself to be transgeder mainly because -not of my sex but of my feeling inside me. I have declared myself female , this will never change M/F -never , believe me i have at some times in my life have tried.To me my gender has changed. Leslie
- December 14, 2018 at 8:46 am #28975
- December 12, 2018 at 2:02 am #28654
I answered yes. To me (and this is yet another why our answers are all varied) being transgender is a state, not and action. Being cis (cringe at that word) normative means everything about you is in alignment: physical, emotional, mental, presentational, spiritual, preferential, you name it. Each one of these is its own dimension and there are more, which is why I call it the transgender matrix or cloud, not a spectrum. Frankly, even cis normative fit in the matrix and then it’s just called the human experience. But, since the world of cis people is where most of our detractors come from and the laws that allow for our repression, I can live with this segmentation. In many places, just wearing the clothes normally associated with the opposite gender is forbidden. Doing so certainly isn’t cis normative either. So I say, welcome to the matrix that you were already in my CD friends. Let’s work together to make our human experiences an accepted norm.
For what it’s worth I don’t even like the prefix trans, but that’s a whole different topic. I am after all a convergent woman in the gender matrix.
- December 14, 2018 at 8:51 am #28977
I so love your response Cloe.
This topic has had an amazing and varied response from our family here.
And all of it positive and compassionate, Something we should all be proud off.
Thank you for your inspired insight and for taking part in this poll.
- December 11, 2018 at 4:23 pm #28593Anonymous
I just joined and saw this poll:) I picked Yes and No.. Not that I know something about this… It just that… em… I’ve met CDs who just talk and act like a sexual fetish to certain female things… and CDs who talk more about want to be or being a Transgender… Granted, these experiences using these terms are decribed based on my own understanding of few definitions of CD and TG on the internet:)😜😜😜…. Also, Again, many of us believe that TGs are born which I am not even going to start.. hohohoho❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Not sure that I am not making any sense… Have a wonderful holiday season❤️❤️❤️❤️
- December 14, 2018 at 8:58 am #28979
Thanks for taking part Esther.
It’s easy to see we are a many and varied spectrum, I’m sure you agree there’s no level you pass to be either labelled this or that.
But you do make a few valid points, Welcome to the site btw
- December 8, 2018 at 4:11 pm #28036Jasmine GremoryParticipantFREE
I answered yes and no. Because a crossdresser is only female part time. Yes, when they are dressed, they are very much transformed into their desired gender and when not dressed, they are just who they have always been. Many people have misconceptions about crossdressers because their are so many of them who are more clothing article related rather than full on dressed mode. What I mean by that is, wearing pantyhose only, is not crossdressing. You may like to wear them and its ok, but it is more of a fetish or hobby. It may be just as uncontrollable as the feeling of being another person, but you are not fully that other person. You are just enjoying 1 article of another genders clothing and that does not make you a crossdresser. coincidently, that’s why I don’t hang out in CDH much anymore.
- December 14, 2018 at 9:01 am #28981
Thanks for your response Jas.
I can harmonize with your feelings easily, But freely admit I know nothing beyond my own journey as i’m not a Crossdresser..and never were.
I created this poll to help further my understandings of the question.
Thanks for taking part honey.
- December 8, 2018 at 10:13 am #27943Rebekka MooreParticipantFREE
I think you are who you are, or who you want to be at the moment. No need for categorizing, or putting people into a particular “box”. You can be whatever you want to be, act in whatever manor you want to act (so long as it does not put others at risk), and be conscious of your actions.
Enjoy yourselves, whatever you maybe!
- December 14, 2018 at 9:06 am #28983
- December 7, 2018 at 8:07 pm #27853Carla RobertsParticipantFREE
It is all a matter of perspective, and I believe we are all on the Trans* spectrum, and just because we sit in a particular place in that spectrum today, tomorrow or next week it may be different. There was a time when what I was doing was cross dressing, but that was as much as I could do to satisfy my need to be myself, at that time. Was I fully my femme self? I was, only in as much that I was still feeling like a woman, acting like a woman, but it was not complete, because I was unable to present myself as a woman. In those times, it felt as if I was being held underwater, and not being able to breathe. The times when I could present as female, I felt full and complete, but from the casual external viewer’s perspective, I was probably just crossdressing. It’s like saying beauty only runs skin-deep. The beauty we see in ourselves, is not only skin-deep, but much deeper. I am not fond of labels, they impose unfair, and restrictive boundaries.
- December 7, 2018 at 6:41 pm #27846Dame Veronica GraunwolfParticipant
Addendum…Real males parade around in ribald golf pants and shirts…looking the world like drag queens….so are they to be considered gay? How about we all call ourselves…..”Eccentric Citizens”??
Dame Veronica Graunwolf
- December 7, 2018 at 6:38 pm #27845Dame Veronica GraunwolfParticipant
Hi Cami….happy Holiday Season. To me…..speaking in terms of dictionary/Medical Journals, a crossdresser is one who crossdresses in the opposite sexes fashion of clothing, except for certain countries like the Swiss Guard in the Vatican or Greek males in historical costume. Females can also be considered crossdressers. They all maintain their current physical sex organs.
Having breasts is a mostly female characteristic, however, males do produce Estrogen but is overpowered by testostore until older age sets in and the reverse can occur as most older men do start to present breasts.
Transgender is a person who is undergoing a physical change, from their born in to the other sex.
I guess you could say that a person who is just starting the proceedure could be called pre-transgender and once finally finished called transgender. Now that they have successfully carried a baby to term in a womb transferred from a corpse that is thriving and an autopsy can determine whether a presenting dead female was a male before surguery….who knows what you realistically could name them.
What is wrong with the world????? Too many terms and words to discribe things….babblebygook???? Confusions the troops hence all the misunderstandings.
My head hurts and I going to go lay down now. TTFN…..
Hugs Dame Veronica
Dame Veronica Graunwolf
- December 23, 2018 at 6:11 pm #30375Marcy HoseParticipantSILVER
I understand. I know what it is to be a man and a male. I have proven that by the life I have lived. I know that I can never be a biological female, meaning I could never have children. I choose to present myself as a female which is a long road I am beginning. My wife told to me she stopped seeing me as a man a long time ago. We are best friends and is highly encouraging me to transition, even if I don’t have SRS. she knows who I really am and loves me no matter what. She recently admitted to me she rekindled a relationship with an old flame. We chatted all night like girlfriends about him. I was upset she wasn’t truthful with me , but I understood where she was coming from, he is all man which she loves. I can never be that and she and I know this. I was strangely comfortable with it, she and I knew my mentality has changed and there is no going back, even if I feel guilty for not being the person I think I should be for them, including our adult children. Although I think they already know by the way I carry myself and knowing that I have crossdressed. My dad will never understand but not disown me. All my wife’s sisters have seen me crossdressed to an extent. Its a little hard to hide when your wearing pink short shorts and pantyhose and your eye brows and make up are immaculate and very flattering and you don’t have a care in the world. My Mother always knew I was fem. She never put me in male dominated sports. It was always gymnastics and tennis. I finally came out to hee recently, she didn’t bat an eye. We finally had the mother/daughter talk we always wanted with each other but were afraid to have. I know I went off topic a little, but it has to do with a frame of mind and know who you are, regardless of what your sexuality is and what clothes you wear.
- December 27, 2018 at 5:13 am #30844
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