Is this gender dysphoria

  • This topic has 12 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Barb.
Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    • #132966

      Hello my name is Ariana (or at least I think I want it to be) I am AMAB 30 years old and think I am experiencing gender dysphoria. I struggle because I have a lot of repressed memories from my childhood. The first time I can remember experiencing wanting to be a girl physically was when is was 10 years old although I have glimpses of a memory of being younger and remember my conservative Christian grandmother saying something to me (I can’t remember what) that makes me feel sick to my tummy but it’s such a distorted memory it’s hard for me to tell if it ever happened. When I was 10 the Scooby Doo movie game out. There is a scene where Fred’s soul gets trapped in Daphne’s body. I just remember thinking to myself “I wish I could change my body or trade bodies with a girl. I have 5 brothers and we grew up playing a lot of video games I remember feeling euphoria in moments that I got to make believe as a female character in the game. There are other instances of feeling this way since my earliest memory.

    • #132972

      <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>I still feel extreme jealousy when is see a women on tv or in person and just wish I could wear what they wear and look how they look when wearing what they wear I don’t think my attraction to women is typical I am attracted to how they must feel being who they are and I wish I could look and feel the same. I have never felt comfortable in my body and have a tendency of letting my self care go. I am a pretty hairy male when I don’t shave and let the hair on my body and face go along with not looking at myself in the mirror it can sometimes seem to distract me from how I look and feel The only sexual fantasies I have are of being in a submissive position with both men and women I imagine myself as the women in the submissive position. I feel very uncomfortable around men and when I in a situation where I have to interact with Men I feel extreme anxiety that I mask with anger. I feel a constant fog and feel like I’m just observing my life as a zombie I don’t know if this is all in my head and it’s effecting my everyday life. I start therapy this week. Any advise is appreciated thanks.</span></p>

      • #133073

        A person tries to conform what they where labelled at birth from the doctor that ticked off the birth record box ” Boy ” or ” Girl ” and your life starts – you learn a language and they keep using the term ” that’s a good boy ” for eg. and you learn , Oh ! I’m a boy and up till about 3 your still not understanding and don’t know your gender at all , but you learn from adults – at some point your own sense of ” Self ” kicks in if your truly transgender male to female – the brain runs the body , not the other way around – it’s like having a Apple mechanical platform being run by a Microsoft programming , they don’t work together worth a damn – that sense of ” Self ” cannot be changed , it’s a permanent burned in basic brain that’s wired at birth to function a certain way – but you struggle making sense when the rest of the world seems normal and you feel like your the only one – Female is the 1 st gender actually , not male ! try and say that to religious ” dogma taught ” Priests  in what ever Church , you won’t win – two spirited people have a curse and learn Humility and Honesty far superior to any Priest that devotes there life to there religious ways – I could go on and on about my feeling of  long ago  growing up – I am two spirited and will never apologize the way I was born – my ” sense ” ” soul ” was always ” Female ” and know one will ever take that away from me !

        • #133074
          Lauren Mugnaia

          Thank you Krystal, I hear you loud and clear. I knew when I was four that I was supposed to be a girl, but, as you say, “that’s a good boy” was constantly rammed into my ears whenever a trace of or interest in femininity appeared.
          And now the curse part of the journey, being abandoned by almost all those who consider themselves to be righteous believers in their faith. To them, I have fallen and am now forsaken. I transitioned six months ago and haven’t heard even a positive peep from any of those people. I was informed that what I was doing was “the worst choice of my life” and can only imagine the talk and finger wagging taking place.

          To Ariana and anyone on their trans journey. After I transitioned my life has never seemed more completely fulfilled and I’ve never been happier! I have been told by many who know me that they couldn’t remember me smiling, now the smile never leaves my face, I giggle all the time, and they tell me that I literally glow with joy now.
          Move on with your journey and know that the path taken is well worth it!


          Ms Lauren M

    • #132976

      Hello , Welcome , I find that feeling is totally valid and true for legit Transgender people , it’s confirmation when at a young age the incongruence of physical body to mind doesn’t match a ” born ” wired brain in my case a girl , female , CIS born with both mind and body that are  happy with the basics given them can’t fathom this natural want , desire , but it’s just there and stays a life time for a legit transgender person , many try to conform , get married live the way there socially expected to live with a great ” Secret ” – conversion therapy some are forced to do doesn’t work and the social pressure to conform is so strong from family and society they do what they want to feel accepted – I have many incidents looking back in my 64 years under 10 years old starting in about 5 before grade one – I was 7 when the original movie came out in theaters  ” Mary Poppins ” It  was so magical back in 1964 and of course my desire was unbelievably so powerful to physically look and be treated a girl just like Jane Banks the character in the movie ( I didn’t like the boy Michael in the movie of my thinking at 7 years old , Ha ! I was a biased girl in thought only at the the time ) , the clothing worn everything and  be just like the character ” Jane Banks ” played by Karen Dotrice – my gender was so wrong I was born with  , the movie was more than just a movie for me , the message was so clear but wanting and having was a great turmoil of my sense of ” self ” A great secret ! It’s not dirty to be female but the social fight for acceptance in your own mind never leaves a person if your truly transgender – be your self 1 st always despite social stigma , times have changed a lot 2022 – I wish I could have grown up a girl no questions asked back in the early to mid 60’s – I would have been a much happier child in the day , it was what it was back then – times have changed a lot and I transitioned , it’s not perfect but much better than my old me of so long ago now !

    • #132991
      Lauren Mugnaia

      Hi Ariana,
      First thing. I’m not a therapist or a doctor, but based on my own experience and what you have described, you have a full blown case of gender dysphoria.
      Second thing. Only you know deep inside what you are feeling. Don’t let others tell you what they think you’re feeling, they aren’t you!

      I knew when I was only 4 years old that I was supposed to be a girl, that knowledge has never left me, and now, as a very mature adult, I have transitioned and live as a woman, legally a female.
      If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer.


      Ms. Lauren M

      • #132992

        Thank you Lauren.

        <span style=”text-align: right;”>It’s a struggle. I just struggle because I really do not remember clearly most of my childhood. I really have only a few glimpses of memories overall of my childhood. It makes it hard to know what is real.</span>

    • #133065

      Reading this is quite shocking to know that someone else is experiencing the same patterns of thought.  I hope therapy helps you

    • #133078

      Hey Ariana,

      I didn’t vote since there’s little to go on, at least in my mind.

      I love playing the fire breathing dragon in video games. I get totally into it, especially when I lay the flame on my buddies. But that doesn’t mean I want to be a dragon.

      So, here’s a little test to try:

      Put on your drabbiest, most uninspiring boy clothing on.

      Now look in a mirror.

      What do you see?

      If it’s a man in boring male clothing, they you’ve got your answer.

      If it’s something else, then speak to someone like many here rightly suggest.



      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Barb.
      • #133084
        Lauren Mugnaia

        Hey there Barb! …and that’s why I hated mirrors all my life – unless they were reflecting Lauren!


        Ms. Lauren M

        • #133101

          Oh, I’ve cracked a mirror or two!

          “Mirror, Mirror on the wall…”

          “Just STOP! I don’t want to hear it unless you change out of that dreadful outfit!”

          That f*ckn’ mirror… LOL!!

    • #133086
      Dee Astra


      Rather than putting up internet polls, have a look through the following and take some time to figure it out and be honest with yourself. NOTE not all transgender or non-binary people have dysphoria and the severity wildly differs from person to person.


      Here’s the criteria

      A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and
      primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the
      anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

      A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
      because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender
      (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the
      anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

      A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the
      other gender

      A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender
      different from one’s assigned gender)

      A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender
      different from one’s assigned gender)

    • #132989

      Thank you Rachel. I am gonna have my first session with a therapist today and talk things through with them.

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • The forum ‘Introductions and new members’ is closed to new topics and replies.

©2024 Transgender Heaven | Privacy | Terms of Service | Contact Vanessa

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Transgender Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Login to Transgender Heaven

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?