It took me 45 years to be honest with myself.

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    • #141384

      When I was a adolescent I used put on my mother’s lipstick. I liked the way it felt and looked. I also used the curling iron to try to style my hair. Among other things I used to play sexually with other boys. In high school there was ton of peer pressure to confirm. I really didn’t hit puberty until about 16 the other guys in the gym shower would call me IBM. ITTY BITTY MEAT. But I had natural A cups! I had tons of girlfriends that I would hang out with all the time. Throughout my life I was never the man’s man. My girlfriend’s would take me shopping with them but I wasn’t the type they desired. They’d tell me your like my best friend. And I’d get pretty upset at the rejection. I remember the first time I met a trans woman. I was 21 in the military. I’d pick them up and we’d just drive around and talk. One said to me once. You’d make a prettier woman than I am. I appreciated the comment but didn’t think I had the courage like they did. After my wife died in 2020 she took whatever walls I had up with her. I have the courage now.

    • #141385

      Hi Danielle!

      It sounds like you were always pretty honest with yourself. “Coming out” is honesty with others.

    • #141401
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Glad to have you with us!

      I see that you are from Detroit. I’m originally from Toledo Β and my father and step mother still live in the northern suburbs. Always good to have another Midwesterner!

      I think our circumstances have a great influence on how our lives work out. For me, after college was the marriage-career-kids progression and that is how it worked for many of us. I knew at 7 or 8 that there was something different about me, but had no idea as to what that might be. It is likely that many of us are stuck somewhere between the expectations placed on us and how to sort out who we really are. Sadly, many of us never have the space to begin to understand what we really need to do.

      Are you connected to any trans organizations in your area? That goes a long way towards easing the isolation that many feel. We are social creatures and human contact and camaraderie counts for a lot. You can also search our Member Directory for other in your area. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

      I also suggest completing your Profile page. It really helps others to understand your situation better and I’ve also had a number of conversations start from something that I saw on someone else’s page and vice versa. Your page will always be readily available and can be updated at any time.

    • #141424

      Good for you. Now a new life begins for you.

    • #141696
      Elli Snow

      I know the feeling. It took me that long to understand myself enough to know who and what I was. It was the learning that took a long time, but once I understood and accepted it I had no problem with it. Never been one to lie to myself, and I’m enough of a scientist that I won’t dispute facts I’ve proven to myself about myself.

      I was lucky in that I never went to a high school, so I never had to put up with the cliques and peer pressure most teenagers have to deal with, and growing up in a family of teachers and researchers taught me very early in life about blaming outside influences for how I reacted to them.

      It’s a really wonderful feeling when you get to the point of accepting.

    • #141698

      That’s all history Danielle your real life can start now. I have a similar back story but things are getting better everyday, it isn’t always easy but it does get better. ‘Fake it until you make it’ will take you a long way. I wish you the very best for a long and happier life.

    • #141731

      Hello Danielle,

      Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
      Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

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      ============= TGH How-to Navigation ================
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