Just lost my first "friend" who doesn't like Mel

[Melanie Taylor]

Hi Ladies

Today I am sad; I have just lost someone who I thought was a friend because she can’t deal with my desire to be female. I furst knew her before my breakdown when I wad a sad, confused and very lonely man; knowing something wasn’t right but not the reasons.

She had lost her husband; I had lost my purpose in life: both lost souls. I helped her through her loss but she couldn’t help me find any answers. I didn’t expect her too but she’s constantly “Analysing” me and getting it so wrong. Everything is ok one minute and not the next. I have done so much for her and then get accused of being mean, selfish and boring a few minutes later.

She lost her mum to mental illness and was brought up by her dad until he died when she was 15. She tells me she “hates women” but so many of the traits she claims to hate she has herself.

Maybe I am better off without her and her cynicism, always seeing the bad in people and then off she goes in an analysing circle ever downwards. In all my past relationships, I have felt used as a crutch, mental support, a shrink if you like to call it that. I’ve been there to pick up the pieces yet I never seem to be happy; the good times never came and once my respective partners felt better about themselves they left me.

She was never my Soul Mate but once did a good impression. I’m looking forward to meeting other trans girls where I’ll find true friendship and understanding. Not just online but in my local neighbourhood too.

My male persona is virtually gone but not quite. Not sure if I want him gone completely but don’t feel happy being him at all.

Bye for now;

Hugs from Melanie

 

 

 

[Dame Veronica Graunwolf]

Hi Sweetie!  I am so sorry your relationship didn’t pan out. I can sympathize………my ex was always sitting in her ivory tower, putting down others for everything under the sun….including me. After several occasions where I gifted her with a one way bus ticket….she finally got the hint. It was a great day, the day I helped her board the Greyhound bus with my boot!

Know you know why I stayed single for the rest of my life. Don’t be sad….it was for the better. Go…..spread your wings and soar above the clouds honey. Be all you can be.

Dame Veronica

[Melanie Taylor]

Hi Dame Veronica

I am tempted to stay single myself. I had an odd childhood over and above being unhappy with my birth gender. I was often ill so was kept away from other children. I learned self reliance far sooner than how to be sociable. I had been traumatised by past events so was not keen to rush out and make new friends at first; whenever I tried I was bullied and hurt. Relationships have never come easy for me which is why it hurts when those I do get break down.

It hurts to be called selfish when I’ve done so much for that woman but it seems the friendship is not destined to last. She claims that the spirit of her husband sent me for her and now maybe he’s taking me away?

I’m just getting jaw action back again after a painful wisdom tooth extraction. Been on a very restrictive diet which had madr me, as a diabetic, very debilitated so I can’t be at her beck and call or do what I would have wanted for her; gardening for example which I would have been happy to do if well enough but she never sees that. All the good stuff that I do is conveniently forgotten once she gets in into her head she’s being taken advantage of. I’ve put up with this for years but no more.

It’s time to break free of her negativity and her dislike of women and searcj out more supportive relationships amongst my sisters here and in the trans community where I live.

Thank you for your supportive words and for being here when I need someone to talj to.

Love from Mel.

[Carla Roberts]

Melanie, I am so sorry to hear of your experience. It is similar to mine, in many ways. Finding another relationship with another woman who will accept you for who you really are may be difficult, but possible. What I discovered helpful, was to establish friendships with other women, I was not full-time then, and through these casual acquaintances, several deeper relationships developed, and eventually a marriage, to a wonderful woman. Friendships and relationships take are difficult for everyone, but even more for those of us whose gender identity, is not what is expected of us. Opening up to the possibility of being rejected is scary and painful, but being open and honest is the only way to have a truly meaningful relationship. You may need to give your friend some space in order to realize what is missing without you, as you work on other friendships and relationships.

Carla

[Melanie Taylor]

Hi Carla

Thanks for your response. It’s been a strange sort of relationship right from the start. She was the office cleaner where I used to work but didn’t see me for years because I was never there when she arrived to clean. She would see my soft toys on my desk (birds that made a noise when you pushed a button on their backs) and flowers and grasses on my desk. She was convinced my desk was a woman’s and how right she was. I often used to laugh at that. She had known about my female persona since 2011 and up to now had accepted it. Ours was not a sexual relationship but we had girly days out which we both enjoyed. I just don’t know what happened recently. She’s 74, I’m 46 so quite an age difference but that never bothered me.

She needs me more than I need her though so I will back off and give her space to come to terms with things and mull things over. She says she feels sad for me but I don’t see it that way. I’m at the start of an adventure and she’s not destined to be part of it anymore. Glad I have sisters here to share it with though.

Hugs and xx

Melanie

[𝓜𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓒𝓁ℴℯ́ 💋💋]

Hi Melanie,  I think you expressed how there were things about the relationship that cold have used a good amount of improvement.  One built on need for support vs one built on mutual love for making the other the best they can be seems to be rare, but is what I am looking for. Like Veronica and yourself were talking about, I’m prepared to live the single life.  Hoping it doesn’t stay that way,

Hugs, Cloe

[Dame Veronica Graunwolf]

Melanie…….Only people can hurt your deep inside. There is much to be said for being single. Perhaps you need humans best friend…..a dog to keep you company. I just love my animals to death and they bring me so much joy….unlike a lot of humans. We are here for you girl…..just call any of us for chat.

Love……

Dame Veronica

[Melanie Taylor]

Hi Dame Veronica

Thanks for your message of support, much appreciated. Wildlife had always been my touchstone; I’m not happy if I stray away from it for too long. I did have a lovely dog until 1994 when she became far too ill with kidney failure to keep her alive. Quality of life would have been virtually nothing but it was still not an easy thing to do.

Sadly it’s not practical for me to have a dog where I live: a small flat with no garden right on one of the busiest main roads into town. I’m periodically very ill too (as I am now with gum infection) so it really wouldn’t be fair.

I miss my dog like crazy; for years after she died I could sense her presence beside me.

Wildlife had been good to me; been there when no one else was. I’m coming to terms with losing my friend but if she cannot or will not accept my Femme side then there’s no hope for us.

My male and female sides are different sides of the same coin; balanced but both sides wax and wane. That’s why I’m still not sure how far I want to go along the transitioning route but its a long journey and one I’m happy to make.

Love from Mel.xx

 

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