Just Saying Hello

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    Topic
  • #130437
    Lindsey Davis
    Participant

    After a week or so, I just wanted to say hello. I am more the lurker type and probably won’t post much at all. I’m late onset and really confused and bewildered. Married with kids and closeted. I never had any clue this side of me existed until my mid 50s. And since I appear to be fluid, I am not entirely certain I just don’t need my head examined and screws tightened. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone. I am speaking strictly for myself.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
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    • #130456

      Lindsey:

      You’re here! Very Good!

      Unfortunately gender fluidity is not well understood at this point. I liken it to multiple personalities in that we recognize the various personalities and we notice when it happens, but we don’t have a clue as to what causes the shift. Obviously something happens, but what?

      Rest assured that there are others here in similar circumstances where their family situations have a great deal of influence on what they do going forward. Also, many here have utilized professional help. Our minds are tricky. It is often hard for us to look at issues objectively because some decisions may involve considerable changes in our lives. Our minds usually work in such a way as to protect ourselves. Maintaining the status quo, and not taking action, is often the way this plays out. What a therapist does is help you maintain focus on the topics that need to be considered and look at them in a more objective way. That doesn’t necessarily make things easier, but developing an understanding does help. However, it is important to find a therapist with experience in gender issues. Not everyone has that experience and expertise.

      Are you connected with the trans community in your area? There may be some support groups in progress. Many places are doing support groups through teleconferencing and you may find that useful.

      It would be good if you completed your Profile page. It is a more detailed way of helping other members know how things sit for you.

      If you would like to search for other members near you, click on Social in the menu and them Member Directory.

      Multiple personalities. That’s exactly how I have described it in my journal over past three years.

      • #130457
        DeeAnn Hopings
        AMBASSADOR

        I can’t say that there is necessarily a link, but to the laywoman, it seems to be the only thing that has some similarities. Perhaps in the future we will find that understanding one will help the understanding of the other…

    • #130455
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Lindsey:

      You’re here! Very Good!

      Unfortunately gender fluidity is not well understood at this point. I liken it to multiple personalities in that we recognize the various personalities and we notice when it happens, but we don’t have a clue as to what causes the shift. Obviously something happens, but what?

      Rest assured that there are others here in similar circumstances where their family situations have a great deal of influence on what they do going forward. Also, many here have utilized professional help. Our minds are tricky. It is often hard for us to look at issues objectively because some decisions may involve considerable changes in our lives. Our minds usually work in such a way as to protect ourselves. Maintaining the status quo, and not taking action, is often the way this plays out. What a therapist does is help you maintain focus on the topics that need to be considered and look at them in a more objective way. That doesn’t necessarily make things easier, but developing an understanding does help. However, it is important to find a therapist with experience in gender issues. Not everyone has that experience and expertise.

      Are you connected with the trans community in your area? There may be some support groups in progress. Many places are doing support groups through teleconferencing and you may find that useful.

      It would be good if you completed your Profile page. It is a more detailed way of helping other members know how things sit for you.

      If you would like to search for other members near you, click on Social in the menu and them Member Directory.

    • #130447
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hello Lindsey,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compassion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

    • #130441

      Well , it seems like there’s something else going on in your life creating a false gender dysphoria  , your response doesn’t indicate being true transgender then – the only thing is to go to a Mental Health Specialist ( psychiatrist-psychologist ) and work things out as good as you can ?

      Hmm. No room for gender fluid in your World view? No room for notions such as late onset? I’ve seen reference to it, but I haven’t found anyone of like or even similar situation or experience. Nor can I find any detailed analysis.

       

       

      • #130442

        Well being fluid is valid and I’m as trans as they come and have totally transitioned surgery everything with no regrets other than maybe some poorly done surgeries to be me – Usually a person has a sense of gender when young but that doesn’t mean it  hasn’t been hidden for years trying to do what society expected a person  to do and be – we now have self declaration in British Columbia Canada where you just fill the form out ” I’m a girl ” and go get a new Birth Certificate and ID , they’ll be many legit transgender that this makes life easier  but they’ll be many in the penile system using this to gain access to women’s prisons and dressing rooms and they don’t have to take hormones or have surgery and are still are allowed to present male looking  – we also have gender expression to dress anyway a person wants which is a persons right and cannot be removed from swimming poole dressing rooms etc. and yes there are many CIS born very butch dykes that look very male – I don’t have a problem with a person being gender fluid but realistically CIS born women and including myself post op don’t want a man in a dressing room having full male perception physically and also want the benefit of full female acceptance because if legal documents  , it’s wrong  , I transitioned to have this right and maybe old guard thinking – if a person is gender fluid that’s fine but a person still has to be realistic of societies social thinking and try and fit in a very biased world still !

    • #130439

      Hello Lindsey  , welcome –  I gather by your pronoun preferred  name that your M to F but functioning in stealth because of marriage  –  a lot seem to do the socially acceptable thing based on physical sex they are and get married hoping to thwart a mind that was wired from birth for a certain gender – I’m sure if you think back as a young child there were signs , situations but like myself new not to push the limits of parents and others of a natural sense of being – it’s like having a physical Steve Jobs designed computer platform , the mechanical aspect but trying to run it with a Bill Gates Microsoft programming , the two don’t match each other to function , not compatible  – I new I was hard core M to F transgender at 5 years old early 1960’s  and wouldn’t date let alone get married later in life , never felt gay and new the ramifications , I showed signs I’m sure but my parents born in the 1920’s ideology of thinking didn’t know what to do with me , so I tried to fit in , didn’t work , I just wanted my body female , it’s not a dirty thing but society forces a person to be what they expect you to be based on genitalia at birth and so starts your life  – I missed a lot of life because of this issue – a true transgender person can never escape there basic programming – many get married and do the baby thing but that desire naturally is always there – XO – Krystal G , BC , Canada

      Nope. I have ruminated on my life extensively over the past three or so years, and there is nothing I can think of that would have indicated I might take this turn later in life. I never dressed as a kid or had any sort of desire to play at cross gender roles. No desire to dress as a teen nor as a young adult when opportunities abounded, nor as an adult when again opportunities abounded. I can’t be absolutely certain the “idea” never crossed my mind as a child. I am, however, pretty sure it never did as a teen, young adult or adult. I do remember being mortified at being dressed as a witch for one Halloween. I did not want to go that night. Puberty and teen years were not all that traumatic for me. Worst of it was zits. As I said, late onset.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #130440

        Well , it seems like there’s something else going on in your life creating a false gender dysphoria  , your response doesn’t indicate being true transgender then – the only thing is to go to a Mental Health Specialist ( psychiatrist-psychologist ) and work things out as good as you can ?

    • #130438

      Hello Lindsey  , welcome –  I gather by your pronoun preferred  name that your M to F but functioning in stealth because of marriage  –  a lot seem to do the socially acceptable thing based on physical sex they are and get married hoping to thwart a mind that was wired from birth for a certain gender – I’m sure if you think back as a young child there were signs , situations but like myself new not to push the limits of parents and others of a natural sense of being – it’s like having a physical Steve Jobs designed computer platform , the mechanical aspect but trying to run it with a Bill Gates Microsoft programming , the two don’t match each other to function , not compatible  – I new I was hard core M to F transgender at 5 years old early 1960’s  and wouldn’t date let alone get married later in life , never felt gay and new the ramifications , I showed signs I’m sure but my parents born in the 1920’s ideology of thinking didn’t know what to do with me , so I tried to fit in , didn’t work , I just wanted my body female , it’s not a dirty thing but society forces a person to be what they expect you to be based on genitalia at birth and so starts your life  – I missed a lot of life because of this issue – a true transgender person can never escape there basic programming – many get married and do the baby thing but that desire naturally is always there – XO – Krystal G , BC , Canada

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