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This is the start of the third month, of a new journey, down a new path, as the woman that I always felt I was since my birth.
How does one deal with being told, by a doctor, that what you always “knew” about yourself, was true? I’ve spent a fair amount of time mentally reviewing my life up till now, and pondering what the future may hold for me as an intersex woman.
We are a bit of a mystery for many people, they may have heard the term but really have no concept of what it means. I know now that I am on a mission to share about being intersex, to help those around me and others I meet, understand just who, what and why, we are who we are. We are as common as red haired and left handed people. Statistically 1 out every 100 people may be intersex. Some knew from a young age, others find out in their later years, as I have, and some people aren’t found to be intersex until they’ve died and an autopsy is performed. I will be sharing more about being intersex on future pages as I continue delving into as much information as I can find.
Friends and co workers have suggested that it is like being reborn. With a realization that I am truly, medically speaking, and now legally in the province I reside in, a woman, my life has definitely changed! My medical cards and ID were changed a year ago, and now the ‘F’ in the gender box is 100% accurate!
Some of my girlfriends at work were saying Happy Birthday, congratulating me, and telling me I should celebrate. So, what does a woman do to celebrate a birthday if nobody gets her a birthday gift? She goes shopping of course, and buys herself something nice! My favorite clothing store, ‘Cleo’, was having a 50% off sale on all summer tops, so I went in to look around and several tops reached out to me and said, “buy me!” They’re gorgeous, very nicely styled, comfortable, and, they don’t wrinkle! I also called up my hairdresser as it was time for some hair care as my mane was looking and feeling a bit on the needy side! She went to work and performed her miracles with a slightly shorter and softer style that she added some highlights to. I love the new do!
Lauren, the woman who was always inside, is now outside, and very happy with her life and wanting to share her joy with all those around her. My hope is that her story, Lauren’s journey, will provide some insight into what it was like to grow up knowing she was different but possessing no knowledge of what or why, and moving through her life until finally discovering who she truly is.
On my public photo page I shared a selfie of Lauren with her new hairdo and wearing one of her new tops.
Big hugs girls,
Ms. Lauren M
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Sad to say that if the general populace doesn’t understand about transgender people, they will surely be at a loss regarding intersex people. That is the unfortunate truth about it.
Shortly before the pandemic, I lost one of my best friends here. She was an intersex woman and our ages were within 2 or 3 years of each other. Our coming into our gender identities basically happened in the same time frame (now it would be 8-9 years ago). We were both living in New York State at the time. She was in New York City and I lived in Corning before we both relocated to the desert.
As we got to know each other here, we discovered several similarities in our journeys. It always impressed me that her parents resisted the “advice” of doctors after her birth and declined surgery of any kind. She grew up as a male, eventually got married and had 2 daughters. Ultimately she extricated herself from the cloud of denial and took steps to align her presentation to how she felt mentally. She was just an interesting and pleasant person to be with. Every month or so we would have breakfast together or go thrifting in our area or drive over to a favorite shop over in Riverside.
She was as close to being a savant regarding popular music as anyone I have ever known. Sometimes we would listen to the radio in my car on the way over to Riverside. In response to the song that was playing, she would ask if I had seen the video for it and would proceed to explain all the associated history and nuances. I think part of the bond was that in addition to being contemporaries was that she had the same degree of passion for popular music that I have for motorsports and my son has for baseball, so I completely understood the thought process!
She also told me something that, to this day, I still consider to be a gift. In our haste to live in the moment, I think we don’t often slow down, step back a bit and consider our lives in the context of what we are doing and how we fit into the grand scheme of things. She told me about how difficult it had been for her be in the world dressed and that only after close to 2 years had she started to become comfortable with things. The last major hurdle for her was to try not to become completely traumatized by just the thought of using the women’s restroom. Then she told me that I always seemed pretty comfortable with being in public. To be honest, I had never thought of this before. It gave me pause for a moment as it was not something that I had ever considered in this context. But, having said that, I understood what she meant and it was a bit of a revelation for me.
Since Alyce passed August 1, 2018, I have missed her and will forever be appreciative of the gift that she handed to me.
So, as your journey continues, every now and then pause for a time and consider where you are compared to where you have been. I can’t think of any better way to realize our progress.
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