Life outside of the closet?

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  • #110980
    Alexandria Simon
    Participant

    I am a fully feminine, giving person looking to make friends and find mentors who can lead me into the open air where I can experience a new awakening. I have been out fully fem before but I went long distances from my small town where I didn’t have to worry about being recognized. These were no doubt liberating experiences and I discovered that the world was more welcoming and kinder to me while I presented as female than it is when I disguise myself in manhood where my existence is met with competition and resentment by men. It may be necessary for me to move away in order to free myself which is part of my reason for wanting to make friends who may know of opportunities for a hard working, skilled, obedient person to start a new life

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    • #111129
      Alexis
      FREE

      Living in Canada seems to be alright for most trans individuals and are expected by most or at least tolerated .

      I live in Alberta and it is safe for some while others not so lucky at all . Form what I noticed here is all basically if your passible . When I started my journey I was place through the program rather fast . Les then a year and a half and I was on my way for surgery . I was not like by the trans community because of this on being passiable . Some girls at that time have been waiting for years and don’t get anywhere at all .  This is going back 20 years now and I have no idea if this still stands . But , I can say that here if you really good looking you have it made , work , housing , medical you name it and I don’t think this is right .  Even though we have alot of rights to protect us it doesn’t always work out that way .

      I read lot’s here on the site and my heart feels for you girls on all the issues and obstacles you have to overcome just to be yourself  embossed by your governments , local and federal . And you get no funding for your surgeries unless your health insurance covers it . The strength you girls have to carry on is a huge influence for me on fighting my inner demons .

      You will find it gets easier and easier being who you are , find your style and go for it !

      I really hope things work out for you and you can find that special place in heart to flourish and shine your beauty onto the world .

       

      Alexis

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #111069

      West Virginia probably isn’t the mos accepting place.  Then again, I don’t think Ohio is either.  And, I am from Alabama (I’m in the closet), there aren’t many places less welcoming than Alabama.

      If you don’t mind saying, what distant places have you found to be accepting?  And, do you think they are accepting because you pass well, or just because they are allies?

      • #111100

        hi Racheal, Yes, Alabama and West Virginia have a lot of things in common. I have spent time in Alabama and like West Virginia, the prevailing mindset is “preserve tradition”. Since there is a lot of good things in both Alabamian and West Virginian traditional life, there is good in that mindset. But it certainly creates an intimidating background for a transwoman to walk down the road. Yet surprisingly, my outings dressed were primarily in West Virginia with some additional time spent in Western Maryland and a very little bit in South West Pennsylvania. For me, the biggest obstacle is the people who know me as the male identity I I presented to them. It was assigned to me at birth based upon my genitals, and keeping with tradition, I have maintained it throughout my life. But once I am beyond 40 miles from my hometown, I am thrilled to get a chance to lay down my masculinity, which feels like a heavy suit of armor that is always taking blows in the constant struggle for control that is called manhood. It’s not because I have “failed in battle” that causes me to embrace femininity. Rather, it is because I have experienced victory in the battle called manhood and found that victory brings you respect, but respect is a lot different than love. Also, the victor in masculinity finds every young buck carries in the back of their mind that conquest over you would instantly shoot them up the ranks of respect. So the old victor, respected but unloved, is a coveted victory  by whom the whole masculine world seeks conquest. With no more appetite for victory, I still feel a responsibility to defend the male persona who I wore into battle and earned it respect through victory. My loyalty to my male persona is not because it was victorious, but because I made it virtuous. I’ve lived as a male who expresses compassion and kindness, a male who says it is a crime to persecute people just because they don’t live life like you. I fear that if I were to extinguish my male persona permanently all my victories for liberty would be nullified. My enemies would say that it was evidence that I was a fraud and every word I spoke was under false pretences.

        Meanwhile, the great battle before me, the one that requires real courage and bravery,  the one that I must confess that I fear to fight…it is the battle to express femininity, the struggle to reflect beauty back unto the world. Having carried the burden of manhood throughout life, I have compassion towards all men who feel unloved. Just as sure as I know that every stray dog could have potentially been a good family pet if it was cared for and raised by a loving household, I also know that every man has an innate goodness. Yet like a stray dogs, unloved men who dwell alone are seen as threats. Yes it is true that men’s pent up sexual wants compels him to take action to seek to quench the  flames of desire, but that does not make him a criminal. I usually dwell alone, I have sexual wants, I have compassion for men in the same situation….I also have knowledge of femininity (to which I continue to add) and I have learned how to express that knowledge through feminine acts. When these feminine acts and presentations garner the attention of men, unloved and alone like stray dogs, I stand on a new battlefield which I can only arrive at by shedding the armor of masculinity. Here on this battlefield as a fully feminine being, I am not passible as a woman. It is outside of tradition when unloved men feel love and have their sexual desires quenched by me.  But hopefully tradition can realize what is it’s real threat. Is it transwomen (by all ascribed titles; shemale, tranny, crossdresser, sissy faggot) who express beauty onto the world through femininity?  or is it because so many people now dwell alone and feel unloved? The answer seems simple to me, therefore I honor the courage of all the people who were assigned the gender of male but went on to present themselves feminine publicly. The more the public sees it and gets used to it, its not a matter of passing, it’s a matter of being accepted. Every trip outside the closet is a victory for all. So from me to all who go out, THANKS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

        • #111566

          I think that is a decidedly narrow view of masculinity.  I see nothing un-masculine about loving, kindness or compassion.  In fact, I have known several such men.  I don’t think they we ALL trans and closeted.  Maybe I am wrong about that.

          But, that being clear, I appreciate that this is your experience.  You express yourself well.  You are a good writer.  And, it sounds like you earnestly try to be a good person.

          I suspect that if you dig deeper, you will find that the roots of your gender issues go much deeper than rejection of toxic masculinity.  I can’t say that I have 100% figured mine out, but I am fairly sure mine isn’t the result of some social construct.  I want to be a woman, not because of femininity, but because Iong to be a mother, to get pregnant, Carey a baby and be it’s mom.  I like the female body, and that is socially who I want to be accepted as, but it isn’t a great love of femininity for me, or a rejection of masculinity.  It is a desire to be accepted as a woman, and to achieve that, I would dress as women dress (a social construct) and act as women act (a social construct) as a means to an end (to be accepted as a woman).  But, the social aspects isn’t what drives it for me.  If I were the only person on earth, I’d still want to be a woman.

    • #111045
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hi Alexandria,

      Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Here is a good How-to for the site: https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

      Glad you are here. Looking forward to more sharing,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #110994
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Alexandria:

      Happy that you are here! I hope it proves to be helpful for you.

      I suggest doing a search with the string:

      employment resources for transgender people

      Some results are:

      https://www.themuse.com/advice/transgender-nonbinary-job-search-advice

      https://www.thebalancecareers.com/tips-for-job-searching-as-a-trans-person-4796420

      https://transcanwork.org/

      Also, it helps other members to understand your situation and what you want to do if you complete your Profile page. It will always be readily available and can be updated at any time…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #110984
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Alexandria, yes, life outside can be tough for some. And you are finding out what a lot of us discovered, that people in general are a lot more accepting that we give them credit for. There will always be the bad ones out there, but those exist for anyone or any group.

      If you look in Social -> Member Directory, you can search for other people that may be near by. Or under Places -> Local Places, you can search for all sorts of things that may be near you. Hope to see you chatting soon. Oh, and don’t forget about digging through the Articles and Forums. Loads of information there. And this is a link to some info about navigating the website – https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/. Hugs, Michelle

       

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