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I knew from a young age I was transgender I always felt wrong and it was a disgusting feeling that’s hard to describe.
At 13 I came out to mum 16 years ago she gently nudged me back into the closet it was a different back then I know alot better than further back but mentally i dont onow iv i wouldve survived.
Anyway this feeling of not being accepted and self disgust drove me to find new and more dangerous ways of numbing the pain i started with alchohol and weed then quickly found ice. It was like perfection to me I could get on and it I was superwoman I didnt care I could be myself or whoever i wanted to be. This didnt stay good for long a mate introduced me to the needle which led to a 12 and a half almost 13 year road to help and back.
I became the typically defined junkies I was super skinny always strung out and didnt care I scammed my parents and alot of my friends I lost 95% of people close to me then almost 3 years ago something happened. I cant explain it but I woke up. It was loke I’d been sleeping for decade. I called my parents organized a ferry and bus ride back to adelaide and made the journey I got home and knew what had caused it all.
I went through 6 months of pretty extreme withdrawals I couldn’t keep food down for the first 3 or 4 weeks 8 was on the verge of hospitilisation. I woke up one day and I was through the worst of 9t i had a slight set back with paws but not over it quickly then I coasted along for about a year until around my birthday this year. I knew what I had to do and it was the scariest thing I’d ever done but i came out to my parents then aunty and uncle and grandpa. They were all awesome about it. I then made a new Facebook account portraying my true self and it’s been pretty awesome since. Most people havent cared they dont wvwn seem to take notice of me.
Next month I’ve got an appointment with the head of the gender specialists in south australia and hopefully the ball can start rolling and lead to me finally getting hormones.
My life has been a rollercoaster I’ve the absolute worst of humanity and the best. I’ve had good and bad times and I’ve had a pretty decent life. It can only get better from here on out.
Sorry about the length and any spelling errors ive written on my phone in my lunch break just thought I’d share my story
Alyssa, my heart ached when I read how hard your life has been.Β The many of us that wen through a life of hiding each have difficult yet inspiring stories of their journey through a living purgatory.Β Yours is a particularly heartbreaking one.Β I can’t imagine the dark days you’ve seen.Β But, you’ve done it girl.Β You survived to tell us and others and the sheer will and determination to be alive as yourself.Β I look forward to hearing more of your journey.
Hugs, your sister Cloe
It was dark but it was kind of necessary it’s made me the strong girl I am today not cari g ebat anyone thinks i am woman hear me roar
Alyssa….I thought I was alone in this universe. And here you are……..sweetie……I cannot find the words to express how I feel about your tale. Although I walked your path in a different way…I too struggled with my inner devil alone. We are still here and improving…although we will never really leave the past behind, as it is burned into our souls, we have over-come our issues and turned things around, with help from family..Β I salute you and sings songs of praise in your honor for we are truly fellow warriors of great renown. We have both been thru hell and back. I have assisted a young member get thru the world of abuse, porn movies, self-loathing and drugs…..she is free now and living a good life….the past is behind her now. We must let the waters under the bridge flow away and concentrate upon being the best we can be for our future. You have made it. Congratulations and I am proud to have you as my sister….
Deepest love and respect……
Dame Veronica
Hi Alyssa!
Welcome to not amazing community of ladies all here to accept and support all who join. I think that at one point or another we have tendency to self medicate. Yours went further than most but the real success here is that you survived, came out the other side, and started kicking butt so you could come back to your family! Now that is a story of inspiration if ever I hear one! Bravo and well met indeed. Internal fortitude needs to be stronger for us than most as we strive to become who we know we are inside. Kudos and welcome! TTFN ππ
Danielle
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