Maintaining Trust in a Partnership

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #102660
    Jojo J.
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I’m Jo. Born and raised as a boy. I just turned 31. I’ve identified as genderfluid for the last 5 years but in the last couple months I’ve realized I’m a transwoman. I’ve been moving further away from masculine pronouns and clothes.

    I’ve put my partner in a difficult position; she isn’t sure how to cope with this news exactly. She doesn’t think she can be with a woman. She is attracted to masculine features– and I feel like I didn’t fully grasp how much she preferred masc to femme. I’ve dolled up a number of times, and she has been very supportive of my fluidity. But when I said I think I’m actually a girl, she has been freaking out a bit.

    She says that I’m not keeping her updated enough on what I’m thinking; but also she doesn’t feel like she can give me validation on my makeup, or give me a “girls sleepover” right now.

    She is mourning the man (genderfluid as he was) that she fell in love with. I feel like I’ve shattered her trust in trying to be true. It has been a very hard 2 months. I’m struggling.

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    • #102669

      Hi everyone, I’m Jo. Born and raised as a boy. I just turned 31. I’ve identified as genderfluid for the last 5 years but in the last couple months I’ve realized I’m a transwoman. I’ve been moving further away from masculine pronouns and clothes.

      I’ve put my partner in a difficult position; she isn’t sure how to cope with this news exactly. She doesn’t think she can be with a woman. She is attracted to masculine features– and I feel like I didn’t fully grasp how much she preferred masc to femme. I’ve dolled up a number of times, and she has been very supportive of my fluidity. But when I said I think I’m actually a girl, she has been freaking out a bit.

      She says that I’m not keeping her updated enough on what I’m thinking; but also she doesn’t feel like she can give me validation on my makeup, or give me a “girls sleepover” right now.

      She is mourning the man (genderfluid as he was) that she fell in love with. I feel like I’ve shattered her trust in trying to be true. It has been a very hard 2 months. I’m struggling.

      My heart breaks for you dear!!

    • #102665

      Yah it’s a mind ” F ” especially being with someone for some time – I never had that luxury for any companionship because my gender dysphoria was so bad by age 23 , nervous breakdown , the old man was a bloody Archie Bunker , but I have great experience in every other aspects of life – at least today a person has a chance to be who you feel you really are – I’d love to be only 31 with today’s options – I’m totally switched over now legally and physically 2018 to 2020 all done and No regrets  but still don’t have a clue about dating etc. – at least the old saying is ” better to have loved than never have loved at all ” for myself companionship I fall massively short at 63 now –  she may only want a mans man and may not want the Stigma that she’s entering the LGBTQ world but then again she may realize it’s your soul and companionship she needs and is actually happy being with you – ultimately you actually know how you feel inside and need to be who you feel you are so you don’t live a life by your self like I’ve done – be your real self – Make New if needed and enjoy life being still young – XO – Krystal ( BC Canada )

    • #102661
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Jojo, yes, that is a very difficult position you both are in. A situation that will require some very deep, honest, and sensitive soul searching. Like; what brought you both together? What did you expect out of the relationship? Where did you see the relationship in 5, 10, 25 years. What are really the necessary (must have) aspects of the relationship. And answering those will take some very honest conversation. From the example you provided, she “is attracted to masculine features”. So, have her show you pictures of what that means in her mind. Did you ever have those features? if you didn’t, then does that suggest she was wishing you did, or wanting to get you to that. And if the latter, is she really just mad at herself because she failed to change you? But this is just the tip of the iceberg. It goes both ways. Michelle

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