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So as not to offend anyone please know before you read this that there are distinctly Christian religion thoughts shared herein.
For reason that do not need to be shared here I am home alone. In my wife’s absence combined with vacation from work until January 2, I have been given– dare I say – a God sent gift to simply be Charrie. Doing what needs to be done here as my femme self is such a liberating and uplifting experience.
I don’t know that I have ever had such an opportunity, not just to dress, but to freely be. And I have found there is no need for superlatives; awesome, greatest, unbeliavable etc. What I am experiencing just is; life, life as much as a woman as I can have right now. To be sure, it’s not out and about as many have enjoyed, yet it is far more than I have had, perhaps ever. And it seems to be confirming so much that I have only suspected in my heart as I reach out to embrace with greater appreciation and acceptance my privilege of being a trans woman.
I am a person of deep Christian faith. Notwithstanding I have never prayed as Charlene. Today, alone, expressing my inner self outwardly in a simple sweater and skirt outfit, I prayed. No condemnation, no judgement, no guilt, no shame; rather there was peace and joy. The Lord heard, listened and confirmed Charlene. Explain in detail. I can’t, but it was a most beautiful and freeing time of prayer.
Epiphany? Yes!
Truly I can put on a woman’s garments express myself to Him as my feminine self and do so without being an abomination to Him. Rather, I am His daughter, a woman whom He has tasked with male responsibilities, whom He loves just as I am.
Hugs,
Charrie
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God Bless you Charrie! That is a wonderful and amazing experience. Now I know that I need to pray, I had been neglecting that part of my for long enough.
What God has given so far in my journey was a reawakening of an echo passed to my by my Mother and Grand Mother.
God gave us the gift of life, our soul and our bodies. Being honest with ourselfs and loving us for who we are is one of the greatest ways to worship God.
I am choosing to be honest with myself and to love my body how it is. This is what I need for me, you (all of you) be honest with yourself and do what is right for you.
-Hugs and Love
Sometimes it occurs to me how fortunate to have been to the places I’ve been and had the experiences I’ve had. It is humbling and the only words I have are “Thank You”. That can happen anytime: sometimes in my car, sometimes looking in the mirror before I go out. It is a reminder of how blessed I have been…
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Hi Charrie , i wish there was a easier path for trans women , there just isn’t . Hate is a hard thing to get away from , its usually fueled by fear . If a person fears you they are very dangerous . My life has been very dangerous at times and my faith has always got me through , sometimes i’ve just had to stop and talk to the Great Heavenly Father . We must remember our’s is not an easy path to follow , but our faith will help get us through , as well as our sisters here , were surrounded here by love and understanding , i so love this place .I want to be the person inside me , not the one most seen , i ‘am the one not liked , not the one excepted every were . There is a war going on , i hope we prevail , i pray . Leslie
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Tiffany,
Great advice!! What you say is so true! I believe we are judged on our deeds and not our gender choice.
Breanna2 users thanked author for this post.
Hi Charlene V,
I am a deeply spiritual person myself but I am not a Christian. However, I respect you in your faith and I am so very happy for you that you were able to come to terms with yourself, CDing and God. I believe in a higher power and I don’t believe that higher power would punish anyone because of the clothing they choose to wear. And to take things one step further, I don’t believe a loving God would punish anyone over gender confirmation surgery. These are my feelings and maybe my opinion will further help you along on your journey, maybe not, but I do pray you will experience happiness and contentment.
Hugs, Breanna
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Dear sister Cloè,
Thank you for your thoughts and support. Today is not as clear as yesterday. To be sure, I am able to embrace my own womanhood with a deeper acceptance of my female essence then prior to my “epiphany”, but suddenly that confusion you mentioned swirls “doubt dust” around. Thoughts such as, “OK, so what are you going to do with this understanding? Transition? But if you do that you will have to walk away from so much.” It practically chokes me.
And yet perhaps clearer than ever I understand I can’t continue on suppressing/denying the very person I am at my inner person (my heart) level. How does He want me to reconcile these two seemingly polar opposites and achieve the peace He delighted me with yesterday but at a more permanent level causes me turmoil today.
Blessings,
Charrie
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There are several instances of total life transformation to draw from as you seek your answer. Most had a deep valley to cross. For me, once I knew what I had to do after utterly falling apart inside, nothing was working toward the good as I continued trying to hold on to the old life. Accepting this was the right course and letting faith be my guide are what have worked. But, yeah there’s been plenty of difficulty in the journey and it’s not over.
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Free will is a wonderful, but sometimes confusing thing. I chose to suppress this part of me and He was just waiting for me to come to my senses and tell Him about it. The moment I did I was finally at peace within myself. Bring it all to the alter comes to mind.
Your sister,
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