Meeting Other Transgender Women

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    • #136568
      cathy davis

      Hello  everyone  ,I’m Cathy D I’m new here and at CDH ,I think I’m going in the right direction ,hope to meet you all soon Cathy

    • #136569

      Hello Cathy, I’m Emily!! Nice to meet you here. Looking forward to more conversation!!

      • #136572

        Kep Ging Cathy hope you achieve your goal

    • #136584

      Welcome hon.

    • #136643
      Dana Munson

      Hi, Cathy! Like the others, I welcome you here and wish you all success on your journey.

      An eensy, teensy, wee little, totally well-meaning piece of advice, though: “crossdresser” is a label that some here may not be personally comfortable with. For example, there are a number of ladies here who have more or less completed their transition, both medically and legally.  A person who considers themselves a woman and is legally recognized as such is hardly going to think of  herself as “crossdressing” when she slips into her bra and panties.  I’d even go a little further: if you firmly feel yourself to be a woman and are in the transition process, regardless of where you are in that process, you are not “crossdressing” — you are only claiming something that is yours. (Reverse the pronouns and what I said above applies equally to our female-to-male brothers.)

      Again, though – welcome to TGH and best of luck to you!

      • #136654
        Michelle Lawson

        Dana, I like that. Yep, for many of us here at TGH, that is the case. And there are many here, also on CDH, that are searching for that sweet spot that tells them, ‘yes, this is where I belong’. And from that, they being the researching and learning process. And we sure do have a plethora if information here, both on what has been written down in our Forums and Articles, but also from our ‘almost’ real time life experiences that we talk about in chat. Hugs, Michelle

      • #136728
        cathy davis

        yes I have understood  its not about crossdressing  its about being who you understand  who you are  being female if you can and being a woman that was set long ago in my thoughts  ,did want to do anything  wrong ,Cathy

        • #136730
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Not a problem.

          We all must remember that terminology and meanings are very important to us inside the community and those outside of the community who prey on opportunities to twist our words or fabricate words in order to create a non-existent situation, such as “groomers”. Ultimately, the Truth is a powerful weapon in the right hands at an appropriate time…

          • #137075

            Another thing we must remember is that terminology and vocabulary are fluid. I’m an older woman and relatively new to my gender awakening. I am not able to find a definitive source that will explain all the new terms that I find in the LGBTQ+ vocabulary (new ones seem to be added every day). So if I mis-speak, as cathy seemingly did with the use of the word crossdresser, it’s not because I’m trying to offend anyone. I just get tired of trying to not offend anyone when I don’t know how.
            As an example, is the term she-male acceptable today? I used it recently on another site and was criticized. When I was younger, both the public and the she-male knew what it meant. Didn’t mean it was accepted, but the meaning was clear.
            Today’s problem is that many of us older woman don’t really know what the terms mean in today’s culture, so it becomes difficult to communicate without offending someone. We really need a glossary with generally acceptable definitions to help us walk through the political correctness minefield.

          • #137076
            DeeAnn Hopings


            From my experience, typically the meaning of the terms has not changed, but in many cases what has happened is that the terms are now considered to be derogatory or offensive. In any case, something associated with a term has changed.

            For example, think of the word transgendered. Originally it was thought to be OK, but here is the current passage from Merriam-Webster:

            now usually offensive


            “Our language about transgender people has changed,” Tanis [Dr. Justin Tanis] continued. “For example, my original editors felt “transgendered people” was more grammatically correct than “transgender people”. Now, people consider transgendered to be a negative word.”

            Jason A Michael

            With transgendered there is the implication that we become transgender people, but that is not how it works. Whether we realize it or not, we are what we are, likely from birth, but we do NOT become. There have been brain scan studies that show a degree of commonality between transgender women and cisgender women. The suggestion is that the points of commonality developed in utero. Unfortunately the study is considered to be inconclusive at this point because the researchers lacked the funds to do a study with a sufficiently large sample size.

            In order to understand what’s going on, I suggest a trip across the internet with your favorite search engine. There are descriptions out there. Often you will find them on the web sites of national LGBT or trans organizations.

            From what I know, a number of terms were derogatory and continue to be so. This includes terms like she-male, tranny, etc. But, also what has happened is the introduction of new terms as we learn more. For example, transgender is a very broad term. However, in more recent times, additional terms now reside under that umbrella, such as non-binary, gender fluid, gender queer, etc. As we know more, we are able to more closely describe how things sit for any given person.

            Using this shorthand of descriptions, I define myself as a transgender non-binary woman. My perspective, likes/dislikes are neither strictly male nor female. I consider myself to be an amalgam of genders who presents as female. For me, the concept of non-binary if key to how I view myself.

          • #137091
            Dana Munson

            DeeAnn, thanks! This bit about the distinction between “transgender” and “transgendered” is instructive. I had no idea!  I guess I have frequently insulted myself by calling myself “transgendered.” I plan to make apologies forthwith by taking myself on a big shopping trip! 🙂   I’m sure I’ll be able to eventually forgive myself.  If not, there’s always my therapist . . .

          • #137092
            DeeAnn Hopings

            To my way of thinking, it isn’t so much of an insult as it is incorrect and misleading. Also it isn’t something that we would want to get stuck in the vocabulary of anti-trans folks. Clearly their thought process is that people become gay or trans and that it can be reversed, but that is patently not true. Several years ago there was an open letter put out by a number of people who formerly founded and/or led ex-gay organizations. They left or closed those organizations when they realized that they were causing more harm than good. The conclusion was that sexual orientation and gender identity were innate and couldn’t be changed.


          • #137231
            Michelle Lawson

            Yep, as I am writing this, I guess I am still thinking and breathing; ergo, I’m not ‘past tense’. LOL Hugs, Michelle

          • #137081

            Hi Bobbie,  I’m on both CDH and TGH.  I’m  an intersex person and have been misnamed and misgendered all my life.  Anyway, no problem for me anymore.  I don’t get mad,  I just use the opportunity to inform folks about intersex people and how we are as common as red heads and how to talk to us and not fear us.  It’s just a learning experience and unless the person is a super rude idiot it’s just a friendly enlightenment session.  You might find the    interACT    site glossary of terms to be very helpful for you.  It is usually kept up to date for the intersex folks.  Don’t worry,  this whole thing is a lifetime process.  Hugs,   Marg

          • #137184

            The term ‘she-male’ has been considered derogatory for quite some time. ‘Tranny’ is too. I used to be a biker, and ‘tranny’ was what we called the transmission of the motorcycle. Go figure. I guess they are sorta like the N word, only it is much worse, IMHO.

          • #137210

            Natalie, using the N word is not a good a good example for this topic.  In the black community, the N word is very commonly used, and rarely in a derogatory way.  In this ‘community’ it seems as if you don’t use the latest, politically correct term (and who decides what that is?), then some may take exception.

            I note DeeAnn has just posted a link for terminology and definitions.  I suppose it would be best if we refer to that forum topic on a regular basis to ensure our speech/writings are not offensive.  It would also be appropriate for someone to ensure that any terms later deemed offensive would be replaced by an appropriate one.

          • #137212
            DeeAnn Hopings

            No, this has nothing to do with the BS concept of being politically correct. The main reason I posted that so that what we say will be factually correct. If we speak incorrect BS it makes us look bad and it will be thrown back at us. Given all that is going on, we cannot afford for that to happen. Also, the more we know as a group, the less I have to correct.

            As time continues, we know more. Each term that is added brings us closer to understanding what goes on for us and helps us move forward.

            I’m a retired engineer and the terminology that is used every day is always very specific so that the meanings are clear. We don’t call a tire a fuel pump. Consistency means a great deal; now and always.

          • #137317

            DeeAnn, from my perspective (and that’s what matters) there is very little consistency in our vocabulary.  It appears we are making up words as we go along, abandoning perfectly descriptive terms so a few individuals are not offended.  We ought to be more concerned with winning over those outside our community than being critical of women in our community.


          • #137321
            DeeAnn Hopings

            The terms become obsolete, convey the wrong meaning or just become offensive.

            Transsexual, for example, is a word that has dropped out of favor, and I suspect that many view it as offensive. The problem is that it sexualizes the transgender experience and perpetuates the incorrect notion that transition is about sex. We know that it is NOT about sex; it is about gender identity. However, those who are stuck in the binary gender identity notion don’t understand this. They think everything has to do with sex and that is just not correct.

            Transvestite is an interesting term. While it has fallen out of favor here and is thought to be offensive, it still continues in the UK. As a matter of fact, Susie Eddie Izzard self describes sometimes as an Executive Transvestite in various comedy routines. Technically the meaning of the term has not chanced, but it is just not used.

            However, we are not inventing words. For example, the term gender fluid comes from 2 words with long standing histories. Think of it as shorthand. You could say that someone’s perspective on gender varies periodically, or you could just say gender fluid.

            A while back I counted the words that described how I looked at things and it came to 27-28 words or I could just say transgender non-binary woman. From the GLAAD list, a quick scan shows that either there were terms that had long histories or had medical origins such as dysphoria or Latin prefixes such as cis-.

            Marg has noted that she is intersex. People used to use the term hermaphrodite. Merriam-Webster says:

            an animal or plant having both male and female reproductive organs, structures, or tissue

            However, What we now know it that this definition is incorrect. External and internal characteristics can be in alignment, but the differences can be seen at the chromosomal level and you would not know that except for medical tests.

          • #137230
            Michelle Lawson

            Yes, words and terminologies have evolved over time for every aspect of the human experience. I suspect things in our community will be quite different a decade or three from now. Hugs, Michelle

      • #137246

        Terminology discussions aside, TGH has always been an open space for people to explore regardless of how they describe themselves.  But, what does one want to explore?  We, the management, at TGH have always tried to foster an environment where a member can explore and learn, of which the “lingo” is but one piece.    Another facet of fostering this is to NEVER push nor pull anyone into making decisions or choices.  As I did over on CDH (before TGH was more than a dream) I collected perspectives by asking lots of questions, reading and participating in forums and chat.  Yeah, I got kind of annoying at times, but the moderators helped me sort that out too.   I credit these sites with having a relatively smooth transition.  I’ve also seen tus help people figure out for themselves that they were crossdressers and even that gender variance of any sort was not for them.  The takeaway is, just be yourself, ask when you need info, reach out to a moderator if you need assistance and most of all..we hope and encourage you to enjoy your time here, we are a fun bunch too.

        Manager Emerita

    • #136669
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Glad to have you with us and I hope that being here will be helpful as your journey continues.

      With the goal of meeting people in the community, I suggest a proactive, multifaceted approach:

      • Search the member database for members who live in your area. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
      • Do a search for transgender resources in you area. I suspect that there are groups as you are part of a major metropolitan area. One of the few upsides to the pandemic is that LGBT centers have been doing social and support groups online. This has alleviated a number of scheduling and logistic issues for people. This may help break the ice for meeting with other groups in person. For many of us, that is quite a hurdle.
      • Post on this site.
      • Participate in the Chat section.

      Putting yourself out there with as many ways possible improves your chances of finding folks in the community to talk to and expands your social circle.

      Let us know how it goes!

    • #136714

      Hello Cathy,

      Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
      Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ============ TGH MtF ChatRoom ============================

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================

    • #137118

      And here I thought you had been here for ages. Better go to the garage and get the air pressure in my head lowered a tad. Must be too high.

    • #137186
      DeeAnn Hopings


      If anyone would like to continue the discussion about terminology and definitions, check here:

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