Mirrors

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #83232
    Daphne Smith
    Participant

    I have always liked mirrors or really anything that can reflect its surroundings.  I think they can be great for making a room look bigger or to give it more light. I find a calm lake that’s reflecting the grandeur around it one of the most beautiful things on this planet. Whenever I think about when I was younger at Grandmas house I can always picture the mirror that was hung over the couch. For whatever reason that mirror is a huge part of those memories.

    The problem with mirrors is I hate my reflection. Seeing myself has always caused me to have such a disconnected feeling. I look at myself and I cant understand how what I see looking back at me is me. It doesn’t make sense to me. That’s not who I am.

    Sometimes though I do see me its fleeting and gone as fast as it came. I cant look to hard because then what I see begins to twist in my mind. I see every flaw, every thing that makes me not her and that hurts. Shaving is an absolute nightmare experience for me. Every time I have to look at myself shaving I want to cry, I have cried.

    When I do see her though, its just right. When I see her I dont hate myself I dont want to cry. I am not her yet but she is there I can see her in my eyes and the eyes are the mirror of the soul. She is there she is trying to come out. I hope soon everyone can see what I only get brief glimpses of in the mirror.

     

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    Replies
    • #83485
      Tiffany Alexis
      Participant

      SILVER

      You are her Daphne. It’s your spirit your brain sees and you have some major league dysphoria. I have been there. And it was the stupid facial hair. I made sure my very first transition step was laser. Got rid of that damned shadow. Doesn’t hurt so much now to see my face. Sometimes I even think maybe I’m getting sorta pretty.

      My heart is in the game

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #83354
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Participant

      BRONZE

      That sounds like the essence of Dysphoria…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
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