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You remember the adage; you get more with honey than you do with vinegar. Well, it does work. I know, I use it as often as I can.
Early on in my learning about the breast augmentation was ultimately got, I came across a plastic surgery practice that also ran a forum for members to discuss all manner of things relating to breast surgery. Well, me being me, and with a thirst for knowledge, I joined. But I didn’t join and go in all gang busters, or under false colors. Right up front I showed deference to their group as it was overwhelmingly cis-women. I explained right up front who I was and that I was transgender and that I understood if they would prefer me not being there.
Well, you would have thought I had just walked in with champagne and caviar. They were falling all over themselves in welcoming me in. And they were very engaging. And when the forum got too big and it moved to Discord, they insisted I join them. Wow, did I feel good.
And the same thing happened with my primary care doctor and with my dentist’s office. I explained to them about me, and I should deference to them. That showed them I was putting them first and me second. And that goes a long way to making everyone feel happy and safe.
Acting in a selfish, it’s all about me, manner will most certainly cause others to crawl back in their shell and be defensive and then everyone becomes combative. And that shows the world the wrong side of that beautiful picture that is you. So remember, honey is a wonderful cure for what ails most folks…..
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Great note to start out a new day, Michelle. Thanks, girlfriend.
I have notice much the same thing. Living in a very small and conservative community, I have consistently taken efforts to accommodate to others as best I can without compromising my transition. I made it a habit early on to call top ahead, and ask if my presence would cause a business or clinic would have concerns about a transgendered visitor. To my great amazement, I have never had a negative response. (I surely did not expect THAT, as it wasn’t covered in the Transitioner’s User Guide.)
I have had had some outstanding conversations with staff and clerks, most of whom seem happy to engage with me. And I am happy to answer questions they may have. I’ve even been given advice on various topics, including suggestions an which salons or boutiques to visit. All in all, I have learned that by taking others into consideration first had the effect of expanding my horizons and helping with my own sense of stability.
So, thanks for writing this, Michelle. Love ya.
Carly
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This is precisely why I have mentioned a Social Transition forum. Typically, what we know about is how to interact with the world from a male perspective (regardless of whether we wish to do that or not, it is our experience). However, those who are AFAB interact with the world in VERY different ways and social constructs can be very different. As these topics come up, they are scattered across various forums. There tends to be very little in terms of consistent naming, so diligent searching is needed to uncover previous threads.
In a similar vein, Coming Out discussion is scattered about and would benefit from its own forum for the same reason…
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