Mother of a teenager

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  • #23123
    Missa Mom
    Participant

    First off I just want to apologize if this post is all over the place I’m not sure how to write it without being totally scattervrained lol

    My 13 year old step-son has recently come out to school and to my husband and I and his mother that he wants to be a girl, he lives with us full time (we have been suspecting if he was trans or gay for a few years) now I have tried to talk with him, (he really doesnt like to talk about it with us) he states he likes girls, and I have asked him if he wants me to find a group for him to be apart of and he said no. All of that is fine with us, my husband and I are both bi and his mother is a lesbian, so he has all of our support and has always known that. Some of the issues I have is he is always stealing my clothes despite having his own girl clothes, (he has done this for a few years), and he steals my feminine products like pads and tampons and we have no idea why. Also he trys to hide dressing like a girl even when in the house with us and knowing he has our support, but he has been a little more forthcoming about asking questions about bras recently. Should I buy a regular bra, or should I buy him a bra with breast forms built in or just buy him some breast forms for when he wants to dress up, so he has the feeling if breasts but all of the ones I have seen are very anatomically correct with large nipples and all, is it strange or inappropriate for me to purchase him that, because of his age, or is it wrong for me to do so just because if he is into girls my husband is worried that we would basically be giving a teenage boy a “sexual plaything”

    What can I do to show him more support? Should I punish him for stealing my clothing? What can I purchase him without it being weird or inappropriate? How can we get him to open up more, or is that just a teenager thing to not talk to parents? Can anyone help me, this is our eldest child and I didnt grow up with anyone in the LGBTQ community so all of this is new to me. I do have an appointment with a therapist for jim but idk how receptive he will be to that.

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    • #25441
      Lee Paris
      FREE

      First off I just want to apologize if this post is all over the place I’m not sure how to write it without being totally scattervrained lol

      My 13 year old step-son has recently come out to school and to my husband and I and his mother that he wants to be a girl, he lives with us full time (we have been suspecting if he was trans or gay for a few years) now I have tried to talk with him, (he really doesnt like to talk about it with us) he states he likes girls, and I have asked him if he wants me to find a group for him to be apart of and he said no. All of that is fine with us, my husband and I are both bi and his mother is a lesbian, so he has all of our support and has always known that. Some of the issues I have is he is always stealing my clothes despite having his own girl clothes, (he has done this for a few years), and he steals my feminine products like pads and tampons and we have no idea why. Also he trys to hide dressing like a girl even when in the house with us and knowing he has our support, but he has been a little more forthcoming about asking questions about bras recently. Should I buy a regular bra, or should I buy him a bra with breast forms built in or just buy him some breast forms for when he wants to dress up, so he has the feeling if breasts but all of the ones I have seen are very anatomically correct with large nipples and all, is it strange or inappropriate for me to purchase him that, because of his age, or is it wrong for me to do so just because if he is into girls my husband is worried that we would basically be giving a teenage boy a “sexual plaything”

      What can I do to show him more support? Should I punish him for stealing my clothing? What can I purchase him without it being weird or inappropriate? How can we get him to open up more, or is that just a teenager thing to not talk to parents? Can anyone help me, this is our eldest child and I didnt grow up with anyone in the LGBTQ community so all of this is new to me. I do have an appointment with a therapist for jim but idk how receptive he will be to that.

      i also suggest seeing an endocrinologist! they specialize in hormonal things. hormone therapy would be very belpful!

    • #23218

      Missa, I can’t begin to tell you, how pleasing it is to have a parent trying to help their child find their way on what is really a journey for all of you. I am no therapist, but I have 60+ years experience as a someone on the gender spectrum, and I only hope for the best outcome for all of you.

      First, you have already, seemingly taken the most important first step, of acceptance. So many of us must find our way through life without it.  Thank you! Secondly you are trying to support her desire and need  to express her/their self in ways that allow her/them to be feel authentic. So important that you are open to helping, but also sensitive to their needs as well as not being overly intrusive. It seems you are doing all you can, but there is no well defined answer as to the right things to do.

      Therapy with someone with training and experience in dealing with gender identity issues, would likely be helpful, ans hopefully help understand why some things are happening, as well as setting boundaries about what is, and is not appropriate regarding the taking and use of other’s things. I could share some of my own feelings and experiences as a child, but would prefer not doing that in a public forum, but please feel free to reach out to me privately, if you wish.

      I truly wish for the best for you and yours, and hope I have not responded in a way that sounds too preachy or like I have all the answers.

      carla

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #23248
        Missa Mom
        FREE

        No you dont sound preachy huh no worries, I have him set up with a counselor on Thursday who I know has a trans child, i thought that would be a perfect fit. I am unsure how he will react to counseling but i hope it wont be negative. Fingers crossed.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #23264

          Hope the appointment is positive and the counselor can build rapport, and gain the trust of you and your child. It may be helpful, if you can find a support group like GLSEN, PFLAG, or another. I work with a group that provides a safe welcoming place for Trans and gender non-conforming youth and their families, to meet and socialize. There is no therapy, just fun and interaction with others experiencing some of the same things, and the response has been overwhelmingly positive.

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