Mothers Love that never was

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    Topic
  • #95222
    Terri Werner
    Participant

    One never knows where life will lead them and we count on our parents to help us when we fall and be a guide to inner happiness . For 25 years I was under that impression which I had my parents support and the proud feeling it created inside . It was a great confident boost shining within which reflected outwards upon the world .

    I started my journey this is how I felt on top of the world , support form my family and it’s a big family 8 kids !  3 boys and 5 girls ( includes me ) . Most of my family has moved on the great gig in the sky leaving one Sister and my Mom .

    Turns out my Mom never did really support me at all . She never wanted me to make the transition and now that my life is back on track . She will not expect me as her daughter and wants nothing more to do with me . At a time where I need her the most as I deal with past issues for support she turns her back .

    Normally this would send me into a deep depression where I will spend days even up to weeks lying in bed and balling my eyes out . But yet I have no emotion towards this . It doesn’t bother me at all …it’s like I’m finally free !

    Almost like a huge weight of guilt has been lifted out of my soul and it’s peaceful , peaceful feeling on content . I will not sacrafice my happiness or who I’m so another can feel good about themself while I continue to suffer within . It is my life and I chose to be happy !

    I stand tall with my head held high , proud of who I’m filled with love and beauty ! As I enter a new chapter in my life I’m wiser for letting go .

     

    Alexis

     

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    • #95282

      Thanks Michelle ,

      What really gets me is when my Dad was alive I did have his support , my Mom left him because of her spending habits for over a year . I would go and spend the day with him once a week and we became very close . When he first saw me with my hair done  makeup and looking very stylish . He stood up and give me the biggest hug I have ever gotten and the words that follow …I’m very proud of you ! You are a spitting image of your sister Bard . I will always hold this dear to my heart .

      When ever I had the chance to get home of the holidays there was rules …no makeup or cloths . And I would follow that so I wouldn’t make others feel uncomfortable around me . My mom always pointed the finger at my Dad which is far from the truth . It was her who had the issues and she lied about it .

      It’s very easy for me to cut those chains and not look back . There really isn’t any loss at all . Can’t lose something on which you really never had in the first place . Will I ever forgive her , yes already have . Will I forget her ….No – will always have those memories , but over time they will fade .

       

      Alexis Porsche Wassermann

    • #95278
      Anonymous

      Having great parents and family with support is needed for sure came out and told mine few years ago and now even go over and visit as my true self. At first when told my mother she cried some after talking and saying  I know you always wanted a daughter well here she is. we both got little emotional and gave each other hugs.  So happy to have supportive parents and other family members and some friends.

      LauraK

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    • #95275
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Terri, yes, it is wonderful when we finally cut the chains, one by one, of the balls that hand around or feet. With each one removed, we feel more and more liberated. We are able to breath more deeply, the clean fresh air that surrounds us. Keep it up, those chains are hard and heavy, but they can be broken. And you will find, some chains are easier to break, or that there never was a chain there, you just imagined there was. All part of the twists and turns on this journey. Hugs, Michelle

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #95223
      Anonymous

      Terri, I was an only kid and my mother was “fake supportive” of my transition while sneakily trying to undermine it in various ways.

      We didn’t have a great relationship before I came out to her, so I shouldn’t have been surprised really.

      Normally this would send me into a deep depression where I will spend days even up to weeks lying in bed and balling my eyes out . But yet I have no emotion towards this . It doesn’t bother me at all …it’s like I’m finally free !

      I can definitely relate to that feeling. I know exactly what you mean!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #95234

        Thanks Rachael ,

        I look at it this way …

        You can’t choose which family you are born into too , but you can choose who your family is ! I choose to have positive people in my life .

        I don’t expect others to understand my need to transition 20 years ago , they will never experience it . But having their support should unconditional without terms .

        I do love the peaceful feeling , I can really move forward with my agenda !

         

        Alexis

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