MTF Dating

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    • #117448
      Anonymous

      Choose from the poll options how easy have you have found it to date as a trans woman.

    • #117487

      Hi Ladies , Well its not easy  for sure , i’ve  tried . I say tried as in meeting people on FB and not finding no one close . I have met some nice men and trans women and cis gender women , still none close . I am not sure what i am looking for , a permanent relationship ? dating ? , i guess i’ll decide when , if , it happens . I am not hard pressed to find someone , just interested in having someone in my life to share its ups and downs , companionship , right ? I live by myself only talk with my neighbors , i am closeted with them , they have made it clear not into trans people , and they help me with my big yard, 3 acres to mow , ouch ! The virus has made meeting people near impossible , oh well , i ‘ll keep talking with my long distance friends , they are nice to . I wish all you luck in this and hope things will change to a more positive way to meet and date people with out having to pay someone . Good luck girls . XOXO , Leslie

    • #117521
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      I am not trying to meet people for relationships as I’ve been married for 16 years now. But, I do know some trans women friends who identify as lesbian who have a very difficult time regarding meeting other women. It seems that as soon as folks find out that they are trans, that is the end of things.

      Anecdotally, what I suspect is going on is some sort of aversion to men such that they do not view trans women as women. It’s interesting because they are all bright, accomplished professional women and have fully transitioned. One is a computer programmer and department manager. Another is an HR professional and the 3rd has managed hotels. In short, they ain’t slugs, so to speak. From their experiences and from things I’ve read, this is an ongoing problem and seems like it will be slow to change…

    • #117545

      I found dating quite hard to do I think my self I am a bi lesbian. I love women but there are times I feel I want flesh in me. Sorry if I am being to blunt. Crossdresser’s are usually are good to meet as they are not so big and macho when dressed. I have met a couple of transgender people who are exactly in line with my thoughts.
      Coleen

    • #130190

      I voted “slightly difficult” even though I almost clicked on difficult for my selection.

      I was fortunate that while I came out and started transitioning in 2015 at the age of 40, that in dating in 2020 after divorce from wife of 25 years, that I found an awesome life partner quickly who accepts me as transgender MTF and doesn’t want me to be someone I am not.

      But prior to finding my new life partner and us moving in together, the others that discovered who I am who wanted a relationship with me, they said they accepted me as transgender MTF, but they wanted to have me as a Male Figure, and they wanted me to change from being a female in the public view to only being female in private as it was seen as a great incompatibility for them to be seen with a transgender MTF in public as well as especially around their family members who would judge them.

      And so I can understand it being very difficult to difficult to finding a successful date. And in all actuality I thought that I was going to have to date another transgender individual in order to be accepted and find a successful life partner.

       

      • #130192
        DeeAnn Hopings
        AMBASSADOR

        In effect that is saying:

        ”You’re OK as long as you twist yourself into a pretzel that I define.”.

        Yeah, that works…

        • #130204

          Yeah… I’m not going to let anyone twist me into the pretzel that they define LOL

          I’m going to be me and those in my life in relationship with me have to accept me as female both in appearance and at heart. When I came out finally and started my transition it wasn’t to come out and have someone push me back into that closet or a selective closet of well you can be female in private where no one knows.

    • #130207
      Jan Janet
      FREE

      <p style=”text-align: center;”>I love dressing up, and I found that women are 100% more accepting than men. I don’t desire to be with a man. I mostly want to please a woman and that kind of puts me in a spot too.</p>

    • #131954

      I guess that I’m par for the course; 🙂 80% said difficult or very difficult.  My own situation is complicated by the fact that I’m attracted to women, and not at all to men.  Nonetheless, I act like a girl on a date.  No doubt, I need a woman that is bisexual or pansexual.  Adding to that, I’m 73, a staunch atheist, and a staunch liberal.  Needless to say, I’m not holding my breath. 🙂

      • #141606
        Elli Snow
        SILVER

        Laura, I don’t consider it a complication that I’m still attracted to women since I transitioned.  I never expected any different.  My sexual identity and interest aren’t going to change just because I’ve accepted a different gender identity.  One of the things that made it easier for me to accept this change was learning that 40% of MtF transgender women identify as lesbian after SRS.  If I had been expected to become interested in men after transitioning I wouldn’t have considered it.

         

        • #142051
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          There are a lot of assumptions that are woven into our transgender identity by the external population. One of these is that trans women are sexually/emotionally attracted to men. Many don’t recognize that trans people can have any sexuality that cis people have. As with many other topics, there’s a lot a BS and misinformation (some of which is deliberate) woven in.

          • #142079
            Elli Snow
            SILVER

            I’ve corrected more than one person that there is no connection between gender identity and sexual interest.  Gave most of them links to legitimate websites so they can read it for themselves.  After that, I’m not really concerned if they chose to remain ignorant rather than lose their cherished, long held beliefs.

          • #142082
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            You can lead a horse to water,
            But you cannot make him Think…

    • #131994
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      ALL:

      Note that the person who initiated this thread has not been logged in for 10 months…

      • #141344
        Elli Snow
        SILVER

        Irrelevant since the subject is still very much of an issue.

        • #141350
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          Just a piece of information as threads have been resurrected much older than this.

          • #141405
            Elli Snow
            SILVER

            Nothing new about that.  I’ve seen threads reopened that started on Usenet before there were browsers and pictures came up automagically.  I’ve seen a few people that came back ten years later and wrote lovely stories about how someone special had come along and changed everything for them.  I may not have been in the dating pool for over twenty years, but I’m still a hopeless romantic.

          • #141406
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            The point is that some may think that they are responding to whomever started the thread, but they may not even be a member anymore.

          • #141410
            Elli Snow
            SILVER

            I would say that’s their fault then, because I always read new threads from the start and look at the dates,  However, some subjects are generally relevant for most people at some point in their life, and I’ve been listening to people complain about how hard it is to date for most of my life.  Some issues just never completely go away, they just move from one person to the next.

             

          • #141415
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            That’s how it works. It happens with some frequency that people don’t read through the thread. You’ll see responses that will say the same thing that someone else said previously. Had they read the thread, they would have realized that their response was unnecessary.

            It is a lot easier for us to leave it alone rather than editing it or deleting it.

          • #141428
            Elli Snow
            SILVER

            Not an issue to me.  It’s a bit annoying to me when people jump into a conversation without checking what’s been written before, but if I got overly concerned about everyone on the internet that is incapable of doing basic, 3rd grade research, I would have gotten out of the IT business 30 years ago.

             

          • #141441
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Well, think about how many start assembling something BEFORE they read the directions. In various ways we are flawed creatures. I’m a retired mechanical engineer and I held this expectation of order and purpose in the world. However early on I came to understand the reality of how the world really was. Often rational is just something in the dictionary that most consider to be a foreign word of a foreign language. Personally I find that disturbing…

          • #141519
            Elli Snow
            SILVER

            I was a self employed, mostly self taught handyman and contractor for about a third of my working life.  Give me the tools and I can dig your foundation, make the forms to pour your basement dig your sewer line and install your septic system, and yes, I have the license.  I can plumb it with copper pipe, wire it and do all the finish trim.  I can, but won’t do drywall or roofing.  I might help someone I like a lot and is going to end up owning me do drywall, but I’m not getting on another roof.  I was also trained an Engineering Electronics Tech by the Navy 50 years ago,  I would imagine that about 60% of my lifetime earnings came from fixing things that someone “saw a video on Youtube” and thought I could build this 30 foot fee standing staircase or rebuild a bathroom and made things much worse.  I both love and despise idiots.  I love them that they’ve kept me very well employed, but annoyed that the greatest research tool ever made is in their hands and they never learned to check or question anything they see or hear.  I’ve never understood that type of attitude.  About a third of my family were in education or research, so reading and learning to do proper research something we did as small children, well before we got to school.  Not only have we done a poor job of educating most of the population, the dumbing down of the educational system has been going on for over 100 years.  The average BA or BS graduate of Yale or Harvard today couldn’t pass the entrance exam to the same school in 1890. Back then you wee expected to be conversational in two languages other than English, and expect to know either Latin or ancient Greek.  Bonus points if you knew both.  You were expected to know more about science, math, civics and critical thought than any high school I know of teaches today.   I missed out of most of that because a third of my family were educators or researchers, and I grew up with a love of learning.  I probably spend more than an hour a day on the BBC, Reuters, AP, The Guardian or the Amy or Navy Times.  They’re all in the top 10 for least bias and most honesty of all the news sources.  I cannot imagine what if feels like to be indifferent to the world.

            I will leave you with this thought.

            Those that don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

            Those that prevent history from being taught fully intend to repeat it.

             

    • #137881

      So this went on many years ago,I meet a female friend who after I met her she wanted me to wear her undergarments I thought to myself this a one of a kind person, we became instant best girlfriends,It was fantastic,Life was good this went on for many years, we both married different spouses, she got a divorce and family’s were in a uproar and I never heard from her again, I was so devastated I told my wife about how I was transgender in private, and did not want me to talk about it,So with that being said I have been searching for another best friend for years and it’s been very hard to find someone who you can trust and let me be myself, So Don’t give up keep searching,Thank you,

    • #141345
      Elli Snow
      SILVER

      Hard for me to say.  I quit trying to date 30 years ago after another 30 years of failed relationships which I now understand was essentially caused by my gender dysphoria.  I’ve always been interested in women but never felt truly comfortable dating one as a man.  Now that I’ve been out for a few years and am comfortable and happy with myself, I would be interested in trying again, but I haven’t got the faintest idea where to start.  I’m in a new community 1200 miles from where I spent the last 45 years.  I know 3 other people in the LGBT spectrum and none have any interest it going out to listen to music or dance (something I really miss.  Since I’m deep in the heart of Pence country, I’m very leery about going out alone, and I’ve never been one to try and meet people in bars.

       

    • #138500

      I would think this actually sums it up accurately enough.

    • #141967
      Elli Snow
      SILVER

      You seem to have had a better experience with that site than I did with the HER site I joined.  I essentially wasted a lot of money to end up getting ghosted by about 20 women after a couple of months.  The site had a lot of recommendations, but turned out to be a waste of 3 months of my time.

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