For non-passing MTF folk, are swim tops necessary for you to feel comfortable?
I’m trying to gauge how other non-passing MTF folk feel about swimwear.
- Crucial, must wear
- Needed to be comfortable
- Comfortable with or without
- A top isn’t necessary
- No way would I wear one
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I’m having a really hard time finding a swimwear solution and am wondering if anyone has some advice.
First, the person behind my eyes isn’t male but I’ve got a huge man body. I don’t have any interest in passing and frankly at 6’2” 240lbs with linebacker shoulders, it’d be pretty difficult. This also means I’m not doing HRT but am making smaller hormone changes with herbal supplements with fantastic results. They can help immensely with my mental and emotional state but don’t change my chemistry enough to change my physical appearance.
That’s all fine and I’m happy enough with my hormone solution and my androgynous presentation with about a 50/50 mix of boy/girl cloths. I don’t get too many looks and I can navigate the world without much conflict. But also, if I look much more feminine I might land in that uncanny valley where I’d get ALL the “what are you?” looks. Being this huge is a real pain at this point.
The problem is I can’t get passed a strong emotional reaction to being topless… and I live in HI. So I haven’t been swimming in months because I just couldn’t take the naked panic emotions anymore. After internet searching for hours over weeks I’ve basically given up on finding a solution, but I still really want to go swimming without feeling like I’m skinny dipping around strangers.
My thought was to find a tankini swim top without a built-in bra. That doesn’t exist. So any women’s swimsuit without a bra… still not out there. Even mastectomy friendly suits are all built to put breast prosthetics in.
so rashguards? Try finding sleeveless, in an XL/16/18 that doesn’t make me look like athlete. Maybe quick dry tank tops? I found some, but few seemed like they’d really be water friendly, still find bras built in and ALL ATHLETIC WEAR ONLY COMES IN BLACK GREY OR BLUE.
How can it be this hard to find something to wear?! That’s cute and made in a way that comes at least close to fitting?!
Anyway, in an ideal world this is what I’m after:
I would love a racer back tank top, with the compression of a rash guard or one piece, no bra, no built in support or shelf, no ruffles or skirt flair at the hips, not a crop top, AND that also looks cute (not solid black or grey etc.). Also, not stupid expensive.
Anyone have any ideas?
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