Mum of young (17) ftm son looking for advice.

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  • Author
    • #96408
      Helen Smith

      Hi there, my son came out to me 18 months ago. We changed his name to his chosen one as soon as we could, i think it took 2 weeks approx. I helped him to tell family members and friends (or just on his behalf at his request). He has lived as himself since then. He has not pushed for physical change but says he wants it. We found a few youth groups local to where we live and he has made some friends. If anyone can give me advice or experiences I’d be really grateful. I’m trying to understand what he’s going through and what he needs from me. He finds it difficult to explain these things to me.
      Many thanks to anyone who reads or answers.
      H xxx

    • #96421
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Yes, it is difficult to explain because we don’t really know the “why” of it. There are some indications that show differences in brain scans, but how that happens seems to be mostly theoretical at this point. From our personal experience we do know that certain modes of dressing have more appeal, certain activities have more appeal, etc. but the why remains a mystery.

      Have you tried some very open ended questions, such as: “Can you remember when you first thought that you were different? What was happening at that time? How did you feel?”. It seems to me that when you have been dealing with something internally for a long time, it may be quite difficult to put into words what you are thinking. Perhaps a therapist with experience in gender issues can help you understand the kinds of things that are going on for your son.

      I think once we realize who we are, who we really are, perhaps the next thought is what that means for our lives going forward. Lots of unknowns there and it can be very unsettling.

      So, a few suggestions…

      As you are posting this in the F>M Forum area, I also suggest having a look at the F>M Chat Room.

      Please complete your Profile page as it is a great help for others to understand your situation. Also, you can update the page at any time if something changes. Regular posts are locked shortly after they are submitted.

      You can also search for other members who may be nearby with our search utility. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

      I applaud your efforts and I hope your son realizes how fortunate he is. So many trans kids are simply abandoned by their families, which is something I could never understand. I have 2 kids, grown now, but I don’t think I could ever do that. It saddens me at a very deep level…

    • #99583

      He just needs your support and love. Be there when he needs to talk and leave him be when he needs space. I began when I was 19 alone and somehow I made it to 46. I have a good career and a family. Anything is possible. He has so much to look forward to and he may not realize it yet but he will. This journey takes a lot of introspection so he may need time to digest and explore. Hope you get him a therapist he his comfortable with and competent. This will help him explore and discuss things in safety. Let me know if I can help! Your a good mother!

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