My journey

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  • #92333
    Nikki Wolf
    Participant

    Hi,

    I am presently a biological male (born male) who was engaged to be married to a biological female (woman). Sorry if that’s in any way offensive I’m trying not to be offensive.

    Towards the end of our relationship, something I strived to make work the entire time, calling out to my creator every day for help, because I was severely abused as a child and teenager and it harmed my healthy development and understanding of myself and others, she said to me, “you don’t want me.”

    I told her she was wrong, but my creator told me she was right. I was raised Christian and while I don’t deny my religion I am no longer religious, as following any set of laws. Because I was introduced to/ genetics I have struggled with unwanted same sex attraction issues my whole life. I was terrified I’d end up 60 years old married with 2-3 kids and end up telling my wife me and the pool boy are having an affair.

    What was revealed to me was, the homosexuality (or bisexuality, I cannot deny the way women make me feel, if I’m honest, I love women) and the fact that I briefly considered changing my gender in high school, both still were affecting me, and was preventing me from giving my ex fiancee my full affections.

    So, beings that prayer didn’t work, deliverance didn’t work, denying myself didn’t work, even dying and being saturated in the creators essence (which was pure love) didn’t work, I decided to stop fighting it and fully embrace it, and if the creator wills it, then having the surgery, if need be.

    It’s taken me on a strange but wonderful journey of embracing myself, my brokenness as beautiful, embracing and loving my spirit rather than punishing it and forcing it down.

    I’ve far from arrived by any means, but it’s beautiful to love and embrace yourself, rather than curse your own soul as deviant, wrong, weak and unworthy.

    So anyway I guess this is my introduction. Thank you.

    5 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
    • #92403

      Welcome, Nikki.  Thank you for sharing your story.  You are among friends here.

    • #92394
      LadySarah
      FREE

      Jesus still loves you, just as he does all of the imperfect beings dwelling on this imperfect planet. A prayer to Him for guidance 30 years ago led me to where I am today.

       

    • #92359

      Hi,

      I am presently a biological male (born male) who was engaged to be married to a biological female (woman). Sorry if that’s in any way offensive I’m trying not to be offensive.

      Towards the end of our relationship, something I strived to make work the entire time, calling out to my creator every day for help, because I was severely abused as a child and teenager and it harmed my healthy development and understanding of myself and others, she said to me, “you don’t want me.”

      I told her she was wrong, but my creator told me she was right. I was raised Christian and while I don’t deny my religion I am no longer religious, as following any set of laws. Because I was introduced to/ genetics I have struggled with unwanted same sex attraction issues my whole life. I was terrified I’d end up 60 years old married with 2-3 kids and end up telling my wife me and the pool boy are having an affair.

      What was revealed to me was, the homosexuality (or bisexuality, I cannot deny the way women make me feel, if I’m honest, I love women) and the fact that I briefly considered changing my gender in high school, both still were affecting me, and was preventing me from giving my ex fiancee my full affections.

      So, beings that prayer didn’t work, deliverance didn’t work, denying myself didn’t work, even dying and being saturated in the creators essence (which was pure love) didn’t work, I decided to stop fighting it and fully embrace it, and if the creator wills it, then having the surgery, if need be.

      It’s taken me on a strange but wonderful journey of embracing myself, my brokenness as beautiful, embracing and loving my spirit rather than punishing it and forcing it down.

      I’ve far from arrived by any means, but it’s beautiful to love and embrace yourself, rather than curse your own soul as deviant, wrong, weak and unworthy.

      So anyway I guess this is my introduction. Thank you.

      Such a story that is familiar to many of us honey.

    • #92356

      Hi, Nikki.  Welcome to heaven.  I hope you will find us a friendly amd helpful group of folks.  There is a lot of wisdom,,experience, advice, help, and giggles here

      Please make yourself at home and comfortable here.  Please don’t hesitate to join in the chat room, read forum pieces and the article.  And do ask questions and chime in your two cents worth.

      I look forward to seeing you in the chats, and hope to get to know you better.  Peace and love to you.

      Carly

    • #92346
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Nikki:

      Glad you could join us!

      Instead of biological, people often use AMAB (assigned male at birth) and AFAB (assigned female at birth). That defines how we are born and if nothing happens after that, the description remains. If someone transitions, socially or physically, then that becomes a modifier. Otherwise, if you say transgender woman for example, it is built in that you were originally AMAB.

      The thing to remember here is that our sexuality and gender identity are innate. This is why conversion therapy doesn’t work. Back in 2014 9 leaders and/or founders of ex-gay organizations put out an open letter describing how they now feel that the “therapy” did more harm than good. Since then, many others have signed on in agreement. You can find the text of the letter here:

      https://bornperfect.org/former-ex-gay-leaders/#

      There is a faction that continues to say the our sexuality and gender identity are “a choice”. The only choice that exists is whether or not to live a lie, but living a lie haunts us So Much worse. That’s what people don’t want to understand.

      Also, thanks for filling out your Profile page so thoroughly. I often have to remind people to do that as many only fill in 1/4 to 1/3 of it. It is a great help for people understanding how your journey has gone so far and what’s ahead…

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