My partner transitioning

[Nicole Weller]

Hello, I am a woman who has been in a commited relationship with another woman for 20 years. Now she wants to transition into a man. Any advice for me. I am trying to agree with her decision but it’s kind of hard to me to visualize her as a man…any advice?

[Gräfin Aija Pince]

Tough call. I am going in the other direction and can understand it has not been easy for my wife. Then again, if she transitioned? What would I feel?

I suggest that everyone’s feelings and responses are individual and there is no ‘correct’ response. Of course you and your partner have a long history and she/he will still be the same person inside. How important are the looks? For me, the bottom line that I would find difficult to deal with is if my wife decided on a beard. THAT would certainly raise questions, but in fairness neither would I find it easy to throw away three decades of relationship either.

When I broached my transition, initially my wife wanted a divorce, but said she would wait until I had completed my transition and was safe and OK. As it happens, that seems no longer an issue and she has got used to Aija. I am sure it is not an easy situation for either of you and certainly if its early days anything could happen. The transition could be partial or not happen at all or could be complete.

The fact you are seeking advice shows to me that you, unsurprisingly are shocked/surprised, but care. That is a healthy sign and maybe you can work through it together.

xxx

[Nicole Weller]

It is not easy for me because I have always known her/seen her as a woman, even though she has always been the “tough” looking one but I enjoy been with her as a woman, play with her boobs etc. now this is like a complete new thing for me trying to picture her as a guy. I mean, I am not prepared to see her shaving her (well, his) face and looking like a man. I love her so much but I am feeling very confused about the whole process/changes that are coming, specially having to tell our friends that she will no longer be a woman but a man instead. The other thing that worries me is how is this hormonal therapy going to affect our sex life? She says her clitoris will increase in size, making it look like a small penis and she is planning to have metoidioplasty so it looks more like a penis…I’ve been reading a lot about all the transition process  but I am very confused and nervous about all this.

 

if there is someone who has gone through all that process, could you please advice me how to support/handle it the best way?

[Gräfin Aija Pince]

Hi! Thanks for your reply. F2m transition seems much less common than m2f, so it was one reason why I wanted to reach out – you seemed confused and wondering how to cope. That is what I felt, reading your email.

I do spend quite a lot of time on TGH, so certainly will be happy to introduce you to anyone else that is in a similar situation. I sort of figured that there was the possibility that she/he was more ‘masculine’ but clearly this a different level. From your reply, I can see that the last thing you want is dealing with any kind of penis. Very clear, not your interest by any means. Gender and sexuality are quite different issues of course.

At best, I will find someone in your situation and reach out to help or share the issues. At worst, I can listen to you. I have no personal stake in your domestic affairs. Quite likely I am either the other side of the world, or nearly so, I am in Latvia!

TGH forum is a very safe place to engage in as ‘sex’ talk and dating etc. is a no-no, so any trolls coming on line to hit on others is well policed. Anyone can do whatever outside, but TGH is a support site and 100% safe.

If I am not much use, sorry. I will see what, if any support I can give and certainly hope things can move forward and be good, rather than bad. Clearly it is a crisis situation and a difficult time for both of you.

At minimum I give you virtual hugs and hope for the best

Aija xx

[Author]

Posts