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Where did it start for me? Waaaaayyy back in the past!
Yeah, it started when I was really young as we all find in our lives that we recognise our own identity at a very young age, some maybe later in life. This is not about when I realised I am transgender or whatever. This is about my journey through life. My ups and downs, my heart aches and struggles and my acceptance of tomorrow!
Yes, The tomorrow is what’s important for me today. What I do and decide today is going to affect my tomorrow. Today I have a problem. I have a decision to make because that decision to make today because it will be my tomorrow. I’m talking about the decision that creates success or failure.
I have been there in the past, hundreds of times. Like today, I’m sitting with a personal struggle about my studies. Spoken to my tutors and others who supports me and my friends. They all tell me I have this and I can do it, but they can’t see my mind and my heart. It’s seemingly easy for them to say that, but internally I’m falling apart, bit by bit.
See, I was judged and criticized by my family when I was younger. They cursed me by saying I’ll never be something and I’ll never become anything in my life. Now I’m not going into that, because that was already told in the articles I wrote. Why am I saying this? Today I received the most gorgeous dress I could find for my graduation coming up soon. Excitingly I opened the package and put it on to try it. It did not fit. That shocked me into believing, I do not fit. I do not fit in the society, I do not fit in the community of counsellors I became part of and I just don’t fit in. Now I’m thinking, is it worth wasting more time on my studies and who am I bluffing into believing I am a good person?
I look at my little fur baby I got after my near suicide attempt. She has now been part of my life for 5 years. I’m thinking If you came into my life as small as you are and I took care of you all this time and every time you see me your tail wagging to show your happiness even though while studies go on and neglecting you sometimes to concentrate, you still love me and want to be with me. it dawns on me, I do fit. I just need to realize that I fit. For you anyway.
The realization hits me. I started all this because there is a tomorrow. I always believed there is a tomorrow. The stresses of daily life have taken away my tomorrow, Why? Because I let it. I take a break and go for a walk, watch a movie of no importance and I’m thinking. I’m doing all this to prove a point. To myself and to those in the past who judged me. I’m rebooting my confidence and I’m thinking back to the words I’ve given to so many before. “Believe in yourself and everything else will fall into place around you soon” Now why did I forget my own golden rule?
I start over, looking at everything from a different perspective. Then I realise, I’m doing this because I care. I care about those who follow me and looking up to me. I care about who I am and I care because I believe in tomorrow. The day of my graduation and all the preparations still to do. Lots of work ahead still. Those on my side giving me hope, my sisters and brothers here and most important, the ambassadors who gave me messages of hope and encouragement. I believe again, but most of all, I believe in myself again and my confidence slowly returns.
That my dear, is my road to success. Not just that, but as the transgender female I am, I see tomorrow. So don’t let the struggles of today, take away your hope for tomorrow. Don’t let hard times rob you of your self-beliefs and don’t let struggles remove your happiness. When you believe in yourself you gain confidence and when you gain confidence, you gain success. Without believing in yourself, no matter what the world out there throws at you, you won’t make it but with believing in yourself, no matter what, that world out there will come to you and accept you! Just be you and do what it takes to be you, but most of all, “Believe in yourself and everything will fall into place around you soon”
That my dear, is my road to success as a transgender woman. Be my guest and do the same, Just try it, even for a short time, but try it. Let that also become your road to success, no matter who you are.
I believe you can do it and I believe in You!
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