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I’m newbie here and find it interesting reading what others are going through in transition. It sounds like hell for a lot of you. So I thought I would tell my story cuz it went a lot better. So where to start.
I was 4 I think went I had this dream about being a girl. for some reason the next morning I told my sister, 2 years older than me. funny think we pretty much hated each other cuz I was always fighting with her. But this turned out to be the change in our relationship and became best friends. Anyway when I told her my dream, she didn’t say anything, probably thought I was just weird boy. But a couple of days later she came to me and asked if I wanted to play dressup with her. She often would put on our mom’s old clothes and play what she called dressup and I had never payed any attention. But this time I did and my mom was at work. It was wonderful wearing some of our mom’s clothes. So at first it was like once in a while thing that she would ask me to do it again. But eventually it became like our thing. she loved dressing me up. Then of course, one day my mom came home early from work being sick and caught us. It was like the worst moment of my life at least until then. But it didn’t stop us from doing it, just to be more careful. a couple weeks went by I think until my mom noticed something funny about her clothes and asked my sis about it and she said yeah they had been trying on her clothes. My mom said if I was doing it to and she said yeah. That’s when my mom told my dad and he threw a fit. I think I was 6 when they started me in counseling and they though I was just liking wearing women’s clothes and would probably just a phase that would past. But of course it didn’t. My desire grew stronmer and I think I was 8 or 9 seeing a therapist. At first, he agreed that it was just dressing as a woman, but I think he began to see I was different. It was all knew to him so he said me to a specialist he knew. Maybe cuz I was confused but beginning but beginning to figure some things out or maybe because the therapist was a woman I think I felt more comfortable talking to her. Anyway after a few months of weekly therapy and she consulted other specialists, she talked to my parents about me being Trans that was a big shock to my parents. But they loved me and became supportive. My mom saying maybe they finally figured out why I was different. It was really hard on my dad who loved having a son to watch sports with and wrestle and i was the his only son and he would being having then 3 daughters as we have a younger sis.
So under doctor’s advice I started blockers when I was 13. I was never big for a boy so things went easier for me. we let my hair grow. By time I was 14 I was mostly wearing girls clothes while at home and the first time I went out dressed as a girl. I must have passed because I don’t remember any problem other than I was really nervous. So I was really wanting to go full time. So after long talks with my parents and the therapist, my parents finally agreed to it. It turns out that my parents were planning to move across town and they thought that would be the best time for me to make the change since no one would know me as a boy in the neighborhood and where I would start school as a girl. So after 8th grade we moved. My parents lawyer was a family friend and my dad talked to him about a legal name change and that worked out. My dad was a high school teacher but not in the school I would be in. But he knew the principle of my school. So he talked to him and he came out that summer to meet me. He had to think about it but called back a few days later and said it was good my parents had told him and he would agree on 2 conditions. No gym class for me and I was to use the teacher’s bathroom in the office.
Anyway in the new neighborhood most of the kids were boys, but one family had 2 girls who happened to be the same age as me and my younger sis. They were very glad to have two girls in the neighborhood plus my older sis. So before school started I had a friend and had met a couple of her friends.
There was a lot of shopping to do that summer as I needed my own clothes, not just my sis’ to wear. I was really feeling good about how this was going and like it was my dream. Then first day of school came. I was scared shitless. And it got off to a bad start. When I got on the bus, the only seat left was by a boy. I really hadn’t had much experience now I was living as a girl with boys. But the ride was short. Still walking into school that day was scary. Not just that it was new school and was high school and I didn’t know anyone, except my friend and my big sis. But I got through the day.
There were a few rough times that year, I remember when my family went to a movie and afterward I went to the bathroom and there was line and while I was waiting, suddenly a girl I knew from elementary school came out and I kinda panicked that she would recognize me. But I think she looked at me kinda funny cuz I had panicked and then went out. Even worse was the day my big sis and I went shopping at the Mall where we met some friends. Anyway there was about 8 if us girls while we waited on one the girls to finish shopping before we went to another store. So a group of guys showed up. I didn’t really notice them at first cuz I was looking that direction and talking to my friends. Then the girl next to me whispered that there was these biys checking us out. when I looked I saw one of them was one of my best friends when I was a boy. we had moved but still in same town just different past of it. I freaked out and then he started walking toward us. I thought he had recognized me. But he went up to another girl to talk to her. An luckily about then our friend came out and we all moved on to another store. Afterwards I learned he knew that girl from church. and that really boasted my confidence that if he had not read me that I must be OK.
But mostly things went OK and I began relaxing and being what I thought for the first time was my real self and living my dream.
when I turned 16 I started hormones. what a relief that was!!!! I guess at first I had hopes that I would suddenly grow boobs. But the reality quickly set in. Luckily my big sis who was now my best friend talked to me about it and said for all girls it does not happen over night. She told me how for many girls it was frustraing that we all developed differenly and some started earlier and some got big boobs and some didn’t. I remember asking my doc about it and she said my boobs would probably never be as big as my mom or my sisters. she asked what size they were I said my mom was C cup and my sisters both B cups. The doc said I might some day be a B Cup but it would take a while. So now I been on hormones for 1 1/2 years and I am barely A cup. Well actually I wear an extra padded bra to fill out A cup. When I went full time I was wearing a bra, but not being on hormones I was flat. So my mom went online and ordered some pads made for inserting into bras and my mom sewed one into my bra so at least it would look like I had something there especially since I was careful what clothes I wore.
So anyway that is my story. If any want to chat you can email me at [email protected]
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