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Hi Everyone my name is Nick or Nikki. I came on here just to get some more answers about myself. For a year now I’ve been crossdressing. I absolutely love it. I even went to see a makeup artist to get dolled up. When I saw myself in the mirror I was ecstatic. I felt happy, calm, and empowered. I wasn’t scared to walk out of my car and to my apartment. I already made another appointment to learn how to apply it myself. Since my first time crossdressing I just crave it more and more. I look in the mirror and hate seeing the man that stares back at me. I hate the body hair but I really have no real hatred for my genitals. I look down and I feel nothing. I’ll pretend to have a vagina in the shower and I just crave having breasts, long hair, and soft hairless skin. I daydream about being a woman every night and get erections when thinking of it which doesn’t make sense since I rarely masturbate while in femme.As a child I do remember playing with my cousin and her dollhouse and in late middle school I would sneak into the bathroom to try on my moms makeup. I already went to see a gender therapist and she ruled it as possible gender dysphoria but I found it waaaay to early to diagnose since it was the first session. My fiance doesn’t think so and she thinks I want to be a woman for all the wrong reasons. I am currently having a mental breakdown and don’t know what to do? One side of me really really wants it to be true but the other says what are you nuts? Sorry for the rambling, just confused right now. Any opinion would help.
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