New here, Hi :) *Coming out*


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  • #90127
    Lea Scharf

    hey, i am new here. I read about transgender, but i never tought i could be one.I always thought that something was wrong with me for feeling like a girl in a mans body. I am pretty sure I  i am trans and i told my closest family about it (pretty liberal).But i want to have a few opinions on how i sould tell the far right part of my family that i may be trans (the arente so inclusive)

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  • Author
    • #90197
      Jamie Harris


      Hello Lea. To add some to what DeeAnn said, most but not all transgender people have known their whole life that they should be a girl even if they had no words to describe it. For instance when I was young in the late 50’s I lived in a conservative family in a conservative town. I had heard nothing about transsexuals’ or transgender (that name did not exist then) but when I was 4, I was running around the house in my sisters princess clothes asking my mother if I was pretty.  Four year old’s have a limited perspective of life but apparently I was adamant enough that my parents sent me to aversion therapy when I was five and it pushed me deep into the closet for the next 55 years. It did not keep me from dressing but it did make me deathly afraid of getting caught.

      As I said there were no words to express what my true gender was and it was only later in life that I learned I was not the only person like myself. In 1960, they were putting adults in prison for being trans using pervert laws. Children were either placed in mental institutes or they were sent to aversion therapy.

      Despite what society did to me, I never gave up on the idea that I was female.

      When you wake up in the morning who do you think that you are? If you were free of societies expectations on you who would you see yourself as. If a girl then you are probably female. If you like the silky feel of ladies undergarments and think that you look better with longer hair then you may need to determine if you are maybe a crossdresser.

      And that is why before you can start HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) gender doctors will require you to see a therapist familiar with gender issues. If you are still exploring your gender then you may have lots of visits to the gender therapist. I knew I was a girl most of my life and so when I went to see the gender therapist I already had my trans life story written out and I saw the therapist for two visits and I thought that was one more than enough.

      After several years on HRT you can determine if you will need upper surgery (breast enhancement). I started with a 44A bra and after 15 months I am a 44D, so I will not need breast enhancement. I may or may not have the money to do bottom surgery when I retire in 2-3 years. Vulvoplasty is approx $7000.00 and vaginalplasty is twice that not including cost associated with recovery. When you transition it is often hard to get a good paying job, so not everyone is going to be able to afford the surgery.

      We look forward to you being part of this group and helping you to determine your true gender. Many of us have transitioned and so there is a lot of experience on this site and so if you have a question and you have not been able to find an answer by searching the internet ask away.

    • #90139
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Sorry: Gender is NOT the same as Sex…

    • #90138
      DeeAnn Hopings


      All you can do is speak YOUR truth. That’s why it is so important to be proactive rather than be caught at something and doing damage control as that is essentially the only option.

      Some things to think about:

      Most people do not understand that gender is the same as sex. It is the mental vs the physical and that needs to be explained to people.

      Use correct terminology. One thing that irks me is the phrase “sex change”. Much more appropriate to Affirmation Surgery as one is affirming their gender by, to some degree, bringing their body into alignment with it. Not saying that this is your plan, but the topic will likely come up.

      However, a point to research: Some time back I heard that only about 1/3 of people eligible for affirmation actually go through with it. I don’t know what the number is now, but the reasons are: no insurance and can’t self-fund, can’t be away from work for ~6 weeks recovery time, poor medical risk for surgery and some just to want to undergo an invasive surgical procedure.

      Be prepared to debunk a lot of incorrect assumptions.

      It is NOT a choice. Note that about 6 years ago a group of people who founded or led ex-gay organizations wrote an open letter saying that they did more harm than good. Search for “9 ex-gay leaders”. Some of the organizations have since closed.

      Good Luck!!

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