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Claire,
I don’t know how old you are but I was 67 before I fully came to grips with who I am. Just so you know, I believe I’m what some American Indians called two-spirited. I’d rather think of myself as only one spirit but split in the middle with its identification. I have equal parts male and female and now my female part wants to finish off what’s left of my body’s physical life on this earth.
I’m 36 lol though my body definitely did not form into a good feminine frame not to mention I have kids so I’m worrying about what it’ll do to them as well…
I have 3 children, all adult now and when I came out. My two boys seemed to have no problem at all with it. My daughter, my oldest, had and still may be having a harder time. We are friendly and congenial. We don’t see each other often. Then again, she lives in Texas and I live in Ohio.
My wife of 43 years just gave me some makeup and a makeup travel case. She was not always on board with this. She uses the phrase of being resigned to what I’ve done and am doing.
My wife pretty much gave me the same reaction when I finally opened up, and when I did finally open up I couldn’t hold it in any longer. She said she married a man and not a woman and I couldn’t disagree with her.
I didn’t really attempt to deceive her all these years, but in reality that’s what I did. I also was deceiving myself, too. It has taken time, but as I think I’ve said before, we are generally kind to each other and help each other out. I can’t say your relationship will improve as mine did, but all I can say is be sensitive to how this makes her feel, try to be understanding, and by all means continue to show your love to your wife and children.
Yeah I know and I am currently she works while I’m home with the kids my current job has me home by 10ish most mornings so she and I haven’t interacted much…. you and I have similar stories except the age it occurred honestly I tried to lie to myself and be what she wanted… kind of a recurring theme in my life I get these feelings and then I think It’ll go away if I just try to be what someone else needs… but I’ve hit that point where I just couldn’t keep lying to myself and need to be myself Truly… I also have alot of mental trauma I’m working on in therapy
Welcome Claire. It’s important you understand there is no right time to learn about who you are. Some of us knew something was different at an early age, around puberty, some figured it out in their 60’s or later. What’s important now is to take your time, read til you fall asleep nicely, and ask a zillion questions. You’ll get a zillion answers. You can also join the sister site to this one, crossdresser heaven. Welcome to your new home.
Thanks I do have a zillion questions lol I first felt something was different around puberty but just kind of ignored it because my dad was not someone I could talk to about any of this… it would always be there but would sometimes be manageable and other times (like lately) it’s almost unbearable I came out to my now ex wife after being together for almost 10 years and well she was not supportive and worse would say it wasn’t genuine because I didn’t have any feminine characteristics or interests caused alot of doubt about myself that Internal struggle
Yeah, just go slow, don’t waste a lot of time trying to put a name to it, but rather, discover what you like, what makes you happy, what styles and Color’s and fabrics make you happy. You are entering a world of discovery so accept it openly. The more you learn to accept who you are deep inside, the more you will find peace and happiness.
Claire
welcome darling. timing is irrelevant dear ..the bigger thing is you’re exploring or have decided n your happiness. we are all here to love m support each other.
there is no stupid question..believe me I’ve asked plenty n many were already covered..but these wonderful sisters embraced me like one of theirs n patiently offer ideas n suggestions. welcome home
I’d also suggest a good gender therapist n maybe when you feel up to it, a support group like your local pride chapter or something
welcome
hugs
missy jo
Thanks for the warm welcome I appreciate it…. I’ve gone back and forth on this for a long time honestly I do worry about some aspects at 36 my body formed very masculine partially due to serving in the army… not to mention hair loss…. as far as gender therapists are concerned been having some difficulty finding any that accept medicaid, and even though I live in Nevada most the support groups in my area are geared towards the younger individuals experiencing this… any advice would actually be welcome actually
Claire:
Many here have said that they wished that they had figured out things sooner. It isn’t uncommon. But, the real question to ask is if you would have been ready at some earlier point. That’s the big thing. Start and stop, start and stop is not helpful. Once we start, we need to continue. But, in order to continue we must accept that changes are needed and coming. A therapist experienced with gender issues can be very helpful in sorting this out.
We’ve all heard stories about people starting, building a wardrobe, but only to purge. Often this happens more than once. Obviously there is the expense of it, but the thought is Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind. Sadly, that just doesn’t work.
So, I’ll suggest a few things:
- Do a search for transgender resources in your area. I see that you are relatively close to Reno. As a function of the pandemic, many LGBT centers started doing online support or social groups. In current times some have continued as folks figured out that it is much easier for some people in terms of scheduling and transportation. It is always important to be connected with our peers. It helps to kill the notion that we are alone. It also satisfies the fact that we are social creatures.
- Please complete your Profile page. It goes a long ways towards helping others understand your situation. While there are similarities between all of us, each story is different.
- You may search for other members in your area by clicking on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
Anyway, very pleased to have you here and I hope that your journey goes well.
Thanks I know it may sound like I’m being wishy washy but I know where I’m going…. sort of anyway I’ve been having difficulty finding a gender therapist that accepts medicaid and most of the support groups I’ve found seem to be geared towards teenagers not middle aged…. as far as the profile I am working on it slowly anyway thanks for your time
Regarding therapists and support groups, have you checked the Psychology Today web site? They maintain a searchable database.
Regarding support groups, ask the leaders if they are thinking about doing groups for adults. You may be the additional one that kicks off critical mass. No doubt there are others out there that would appreciate having a support group and it may just be a matter of rounding them up. When you search the Member Directory, that might be a question to put to folks.
But, always remember this about your journey:
You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last!
There is something that happens that isn’t obvious. Often we think that the only isolated LGBT folks are those who live in small, off the beaten track towns. But, what has become apparent is that folks who live in, or close to, metropolitan areas can also feel significant isolation. It can be a security problem in that they need to insure that they are not outed. Therefore they avoid the community and any contact with people in it. It can also be that their work or living situations don’t allow much free time or disposable income. For whatever reason, people are just not connected to the community even though it is readily accessible.
Anyway, the net effect is the same. People don’t get to feel the camaraderie, the support and sense of shared struggle with their peers. It just isn’t a good situation. As I’ve said, we are social creatures. It is just how we Hu-Mans are…
Something else just occurred to me. Are you out to your therapist? Purely anecdotally and I have no training in this, but I would have to wonder that if we are having difficulty in one area of our lives, it can affect some other areas. Anyway, it might be some information for your therapist that might be useful. But, I would also say that you have to feel comfortable with your therapist in order to discuss this other, quite personal, issue.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Yeah I get the isolation thing I’ve felt it from living in small towns like Virginia City to large cities like Las Vegas… I always felt uncomfortable talking openly about all this for that reason always fearing judgment and all that but it’s something I’ve been working on</p>
Yes I am out to my therapist she is one of the few people who really knows about all this she’s been great about it and I have had decent support from others I’ve come out to except my ex wife that was a mess dreading the day I have to talk to the kids about all this…
A good relationship with your therapist is very important. I’m glad that is your situation. If people keep some bits of information from their therapist, they will not be as effective.
As you have noticed, some discussions are more difficult than others. What is important is to say what you need to say in your own words. When we are outed, it is usually a very different discussion. We are often placed on the defensive and it is difficult to come back from that.
Hello Claire,
Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
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