New To Transgender Heaven

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #91694
    Nielle Alana
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m Nielle, I’m from the UK and I’m a late transitioner,

    Hi haven’t come out to many people as yet as i have fears of doing so, although the older i get the more unaccepting of my birth gender i become.

    I feel i’m living two lives, The one to which I’m known, and the one which I feel more connected with each and every day.

    I fear friends and family won’t support me so I’m here to share hopes and dreams and hopefully get more insight into how others have overcame their obstacles and were able to take their first steps in the light in the hopes of one day being able to do the same.

    Much love,

    xx Nielle xx

    3 users thanked author for this post.
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    Replies
    • #91767

      Hi Rachel,

      I’ve had a mad day of fixing and cleaning so i feel your pain and don’t worry, there’s no rush 🙂 but thankyou for your reply.

      I’ll explain further in the future but for tonight i’m really tired and its late so excuse me for not giving more details, i have a back handed way of replying and end up writing huge essays trying to explain things when i’m tired, my life hasn’t been the most pleasent and my family members haven’t been supportive for a variety of reasons and not just because of my disphoria, but i will explain more in due time, as for now sleep is a must.

      Again thankyou so much for your reply

      xx Nielle xx

      Sorry about the spelling mistakes ::Yawn:: 😉

      xx Nielle xx

    • #91719

      Hi Nielle,

      Lets hope you get where you need to be with the support on here, I am new here too, I have found a wonderful group of people who have given great support. I too live a twin life with complications but, on here i have found great friends and confidence to, shall we say “go out” a little more.

      Big love Rachel x

      • #91720

        Hi Rachel,

         

        I’m Hoping so, I don’t have many people in my life since my marriage broke down, the few I do have remaining, I have either only just informed within the last few weeks (yesterday for my closest friend) or not told them at all.

         

        I’ve felt I’ve had to pull the reins in quite a lot, I’ve hidden things from my mental health team, my GP, CPN, well everyone, I basically took a full year telling everyone that the first time I was mistaken, I’ve had problems since i was young but found a lot of resentment from family, then lost close friends whenever I’ve tried to be a bit more open and honest with myself. I’m due to receive a phone call on Monday from my GP regarding this as I disclosed how I feel to my CPN last week as I’m being discharged from the service. I’m really nervous about it….

         

        I would really love to have support like you say you do, also welcome to you too 🙂

         

        xx Nielle xx

    • #91704
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Hi!

      You have come to the right place as there is a ton of experience here and I suspect many will empathize with your situation. While my path was different, I will say stay positive and make decisions consciously. That way allows us to retain as much control over things as we can. When we lose control and get swept along by events that are not of our making, it can be difficult to get back to some degree of stability.

      Also, please fill in more of your Profile. It’s is the beginning of others understanding where things are currently for you and a bit of a look to the future.

      There are also a number of people here from the UK, and from all over the world actually, so I think you will feel right at home.

      • #91712

        Hi DeeAnn,

        Thankyou for your reply, as i get more trusting i will fill in more details just at the moment i’m very cautious of everything, some family members have gone to extreme lengths to find where i discuss issues that trouble me in the past, i just don’t want to repeat my mistakes so i’m making a concious effort to not spew out and take it day by day. but i thankyou for your words or encouragement

        xx Nielle xx

        • #91722
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          I understand the security angle and that is probably an issue for many here.

          I’m no expert, but I do suggest 3 things to help you understand how things work:

          • When you are finished with your computer and exit the site, clear your cache and delete the cookies. You’ll find this in the settings for your browser
          • After you log off the site, rattle around and see what you can see on the site without being logged in. This is what others will see when they cannot log in
          • Turn off the ability to suggest or complete the entries of sites where you want to go. It is a setting in your browser.
          • #91724

            Thanks DeeAnn,

            I live alone now, and I have a new email address using new details, however I’m still on edge even though only I have access to my computer, in the past they have gained access to my files and information by knowing security questions to previous accounts (Hotmail, Gmail etc), they gained access to my password vault using my ex partners laptop which I had a profile on.

            I’m hoping I’m now more secure but time will tell, I’m very paranoid regarding my issues, although it’s not what I want to think about too much.

            Thank you for your suggestions though 🙂 I’m a trained computer engineer, although I haven’t worked for a while due to C-PTSD and anxiety’s. Which also doesn’t help as I know how to get round issues and I taught others too well on how to tell me information I needed when I was working and living with the family members.

            Right now I want to explore the new me without fears, doubts and paranoia, if I can do that here then this site may be what I need to open up, figure myself out and decide what steps to take and get some advice on what not to do too.

            Again Thankyou 😊

             

            xx Nielle xx

             

          • #91725
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Kindred spirit! I’m a retired mechanical engineer. 43 years with only 2 companies. In that time I did do programming in FORTRAN, Basic, Datatrieve and various discrete event simulation languages for 6 years, but that was in the mid-80’s to the early 90’s. Anyway, had I known your background I wouldn’t have made the comment.

            I think there is always a fine line with these kinds of sites. It’s hard for people to get a sense of the site if it is completely closed before you join, but you don’t want to allow broad access to non-members either.

            I’m a big motorsports fan and one of the sites I’m has a current events/political section. At one point there was discussion about the number of LGBT folks in the US. Someone found some numbers and I commented (they don’t know anything about me) that typically the numbers are under reported. Somebody else piped up that they couldn’t see why the numbers would be under reported. I had to fight the urge to rip him a new one!?!? Calmly I replied that in most of the US LGBT people, particularly trans people, don’t have discrimination protection regarding housing, employment, etc. so they are very fearful about their information becoming public. Your situation is another variation on a theme. My guess as to why people don’t know these things is that they don’t want to know. If they did it might would force them to reconsider all the knee jerk shit that passes for opinions.

            Anyway, enough of that. Have an excellent Sunday!

          • #91765

            Hi DeeAnn,

            I always feel bad when I don’t reply to messages but it’s late and i thought i would have a quick catch-up before i grab some zzzz’s, I’ve used programming languages myself, Basic, Pascal, html, MySQL databases etc, I also used to design websites but that was a long time ago now, I’m 41 but I don’t really look or act it, which is kind of a blessing in a way. I’m a little behind with everything besides components and programs already made these days, gone are the days when you had to write a bit of code in Linux to get what you needed, there’s always an app for that these days hehe.

            I hope you had a great Sunday too, I spent mine replacing the heating element on my cooker with a last min order from amazon yesterday, thank the flying spaghetti monster they still deliver on a Sunday lol, then I decided scrubbing it out for good measure was needed, followed by the kitchen floor then the cupboard doors, well once you start….

            I hope you had a more relaxy day than i had 🙂

            xx Nielle xx

          • #91758

            Hi again,

            This will be short not because I can’t be bothered to reply but purely because I’ve had a long day and didn’t think it right to read this and not reply in anyway at all. I’m sorry but work is killing me lately.

            I feel your pain and truly hope that this site will give you some of the needed information you need. I also think you need to talk to someone more in depth about your situation as your reply leaves more open questions than it gives reply’s to. I don’t mean to sound harsh in any way at all, trust me Id need a map and GPS to find Narnia. there is help here, and lots of it.

            Rachel x

             

          • #91766

            Hi Rachel,

            I’ve had a mad day of fixing and cleaning so i feel your pain and don’t worry, there’s no rush 🙂 but thankyou for your reply.

            I’ll explain further in the future but for tonight i’m really tired and its late so excuse me for not giving more details, i have a back handed way of replying and end up writing huge essays trying to explain things when i’m tired, my life hasn’t been the most pleasent and my family members haven’t been supportive for a variety of reasons and not just because of my disphoria, but i will explain more in due time, as for now sleep is a must.

            Again thankyou so much for your reply

            xx Nielle xx

            1 user thanked author for this post.
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