Newly out ftm at 47 so many questions

  • Creator
  • #93904
    Amos Famous

    I grew up in a tiny town in a rural area in the 80s. Being gay was a crime against god and being trans meant you were someone who wanted to hurt women. I was so confused. I had no language for why my skin didn’t fit. I was pushed by my mother to be more feminine, so I did. I trained myself to walk and laugh and sit like a lady. I gave up my sense of self.

    Here I am with a cishet male partner who loves me and let me know he isn’t going anywhere. I have accepting friends too. But i don’t know a single ftm person.

    I hid the truth from myself more than from those close to me, so now that I have admitted this to myself, I’m finding strange changes in my feelings about my body.

    Did any of you –

    Discover that you disliked your own smell/odor (especially “down there”) once you realized you were trans?

    Suddenly realize the reason you hate your chest isn’t because they aren’t perky. It’s because they’re breasts?

    Are any of you –

    Only socially transitioning?

    Only going as far as T?

    Thanks for reading.

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  • Author
    • #93956

      Yes yes yes and did I mention… Yes?

      I hate my body right now, I hated sex because I had to use my …… . I don’t get to see a shrink till March 4th to be able to get HRT but thankfully my wife has agreed to pretend it’s not there and our love life has improved.

      But, the hair.  The body… It still disgusts me and unless I’m doing my face routine…I do not look in a mirror !

      Thankfully my hatred of the male body assures my wife I’ll never leave her for a man.

      So while you’re ftm and I’m mtf, the hatred of your body is non trans specific… So I can relate and don’t mind being an ear if you ever need to talk




    • #93933
      DeeAnn Hopings


      I am reminded of the guy that created the cookies: Famous Amos! Anyway, good to have you. I hope this will be a useful experience for you.

      You touched upon on this that is prevalent in the trans community: ISOLATION. Many live in areas where there is a very small, or even nonexistent, trans community. Others may be fearful of trying to reach out to other trans people because they are concerned about being outed or their safety and security. Consequently people never see themselves replicated in the population. Sure, we see people like Janet Mock, Chas Bono or Caitlin Jenner in the media, but they are pretty removed from regular people, at least at this point in time.

      So, some suggestions…

      Check out the F>M Forum and Chatroom.

      Complete your Profile page. It is a living document that you can update as you learn more, make decisions, etc. It is also a good way for other members to understand your situation and progress. Shortly after you make a post in various forums, those posts cannot be edited.

      Finally, we have a way to search for other members, from New Hampshire, in your case. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory. That will put you into the search utility.

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