Non Binary

[Alyssa]

<p style=”text-align: center;”>So.. I don’t even know if this is even the right site for me to be on or what? I don’t consider myself transgender. I’m a female and I don’t want to be a man. But.. Here within the last few years I’ve discovered that I have a growing desire to have a penis. But.. I still want to keep all my  lady parts. And it’s like as time keeps flowing my desire and want to have my own penis grows stronger. I have gotten so depressed over it that it’s brought me to tears. Sometimes I’ll get so angry over it. I’ve even gotten mad at my boyfriend because he does have one. Jealous and spiteful. It’s becoming more and more of an issue for me. So much so that I have finally taken my first real steps into making it a reality.. by joining this website and making this post. Because I have no clue what to do or where to begin or how I can ever make this dream happen. I feel lost honestly. Like it’s hopeless.. Yet it’s something I’m learning that I really want and if I don’t start taking steps towards getting there.. It’s only going to have a bigger effect on my mental health. So what’s  up? I’m Alyssa and I am non binary? And I need help and direction. Guidance.</p>
 

 

[Shannon]

Hello Alyssa!  I wish I had answers, but I basically only have questions as well.  I’ve been on HRT for about 3 months now, but still feel more non binary than 100% transgender female.  If I had to take a guess, I’d say I feel (if I was just an orb of light passing by with no physical differentiation of gender) ~95% female and 5% male.  Then again, definitions of gender beyond the biological can be as varied as personalities.  My doctor started me on low doses of HRT to see how it soothes my gender dysphoria.  So far, so good.  What’s more is that my health has greatly improved, my anxiety is extremely low (yes, even during pandemic times), I can listen to myself and believe in myself, and I feel rooted and soothed.  I like to think of myself as a woman and wish I was a woman, but my gender dysphoria isn’t as strong as others’ and can cope as being a man.  So, while I really don’t have any answers, I would like to at least instill some hope in you and also congratulate you for seeking answers in searching for your truth.  Always remember to listen to yourself.  Also, this site is a good support system with caring people.  I joined with many questions, and while I still have many questions, I now have a sense of confidence in myself in addition to some new great friends!

[Heather Harrison]

Hi Alyssa,

It was a big step to join our community making this post, and welcome!

I’m sorry, but I don’t have answers for you, except to empathize with what you are experiencing. It has taken me many years to even begin to come to terms with who I am. I finally found a transgender therapist who is a great help in me understanding my journey.

I dated two women who had a fascination with penises, (is that a word)? One said she would have dreams where she had a penis, and I don’t know where they ended up on this issue.

I wish you the best, and we are here if you need a shoulder to cry on, vent or ask advice.

Heather

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