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As a FTM I have often been asked by the few people that know at this point that I wish to be male instead of female if the reason I want to be male is because I am more attracted to females. I am constantly having to let them know that even though I ultimately do not care what gender my partner is, I actually find the male body slightly more attractive than the female body and prefer it overall.
I suppose what I’m getting at is; being transgender has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
Are there any of you out there that have the same problem I do in people getting the two confused when that’s not always the case? I understand that sometimes it is and plays an important part, but the two are not mutual. They are not one and the same.
Hi Xelyn. Thank you for your inquiry. As I am sure your know, go to different dictionaries and you will find different explainations. People are educated in school by teachers who ofter inject their own personnal beliefs and along with dictionaries and general day to day mixing of people from slightly different scenarios as I mentioned, well you get a lot of definitions and pre-conceived notions. Then there are just plain ignorant morons.
Anyway. To me……..Orientation means…you are attracted by something. It could be whiskey-sours over manhattens. Identity means your believe, act and are what you wish to be or are. Although I am a female….I identify as being a male…..IE: act, dress, mimic being one till I transform…then I really am one and identity is complete. Or you could identify with a dog and want to be one or Queen Elizabeth. I hope you understand were I am coming from.
Sadly….people will people will be people, honey. Somewhere, sometime, the issue will raise it’s head again. Be patient with them them, accept that they know not what they say or ask.It is part of Buddism…..accept what you cannot change, be at one with yourself.
Dame Veronica
I knew a ftm that related as a gay male,and wanted a gay male as a partner. i understood his preferences but lots of cis folks were weirded out as you might imagine they would be, my being mtf and ok with any nice person for a relationship,regardless of physical gender,i like the person more than any label or image. and i like Naked,all skin,no costume needed,just a human warm body to hold and cuddle.
at this time in my journey(post op presenting kinda male,but not by choice,my views on gender have evolved past simple ideas,I feel i should express as fluid human,and i should love who i find attractive in a spiritual way.
that’s my take,and do as you will,and enjoy life,that is really what it seems to be for. old saying if it feels good do it.
and allow yourself to be your true vision of you.
Sexual preference is another dimension of being human just as is gender. I choose not to be defined by just my gender nor my preference nor any of the other dimensions and labels. I am who I am and that’s what defines me. Everything else is a characteristic of being Cloe. For me, my gender and my spirit are unchangeable, my sexual orientation seems to be evolving, my physical body is necessarily being converged to match my spirit and gender.
Hi Xelyn, based on reading different articles it is my understanding there is Gender orientation and Sexual orientation. In my case my Gender orientation is about equal, half guy half girl. It well may be a bit more on the girl side, even though I am a guy. On Sexual orientation, I am straight and only like girls. Given my propensity to want to dress and look like a girl it makes it a little difficult to find a girl that would put up with my dressing.
I end up hanging out with a lot of gay men when I need to be en femme, the problem is they do like me and want me to get in bed with them. I always have to tell them, sorry I am not gay. It just doesn’t work for me. I have been in the closet a long time as I did have the straight desire to have a family, which I did. What a quagmire life can be. The best I can say is that it is what it is, I have come to the fundamental fact that I have to basically live two lives. Given the kids are grown and the wife has left me, it would be easier to be gay, but I am not.
Life goes on, and I just have to make it work. It sounds like you aren’t in all that bad of a spot, on one hand you can dress and act like a guy and date either girls or guys. God bless you on your journey.
Love
Jennifer
I think the problem is at a fundamental level. The problem is that people “think” they know about trans people, but the reality is that they don’t. Also, I think there are remnants of not seeing the difference between Sex and Gender. The truth is the trans people can be heterosexual (with respect to their target gender), homosexual, bisexual or asexual just like cis people. Also, people need to sort out the difference between Identity and Expression. Lots of misinformation out there and most of it is agenda driven…
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