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    • #140615
      Anonymous

      I’m having trouble being fully out. Dressing,etc.  My wife is going off the deep end here. I’m wearing a bra everyday everywhere. But all she talks about is how it affects HER.  I would like to come out more,but she says she’ll leave me if I do. So I won’t.  Just dream about it I guess. I gave her my log in info for this site.  But she won’t go on it.  (Southern Baptist) I’ve been this way since my teens. She says I want a boyfriend. Told her it’s me,not who I’m looking for. I just can’t get her to understand how I’m wired. She trys to understand sometimes.  Most times she just says “I don’t understand”  I told her I didn’t put these urges in me.  They happened.

    • #140633

      Seems like there is a bit of narcissism involved with her and she is using her religion to avoid facing the fact she is a bigot. Harsh but it happens, my very supportive ex-partner had very strong views on such people imposing their values on others.
      It’s a hard place to be either you are unhappy and she accepts the relationship or you put yourself first and all that entails.

      I offer two thoughts;
      1. Seek medical opinion especially regarding your mental health. Breakdowns take a very long time to get over and even longer to recover the damage they cause to your life. Take heed of what they tell you. Your wife should know you’re seeking help but keep specifics quiet to avoid skewing the process – this can be very bad.
      2. Once you know how deep the issues are and your medical options you need to consider what YOU want/need to do. Ideally you should discuss this together but it may be that she isn’t prepared to negotiate. It happens. A friend and his wife split a few weeks after their youngest graduated university, they’d hidden the truth at cost to their health and finances, the daughter didn’t react well to this news as she blamed herself. Things change and sometimes relationships aren’t as strong as they were.

      When I split with my first partner both families were sticking their noses in with ‘advice’ we had simply grown apart. In the end we told everybody to go away split our belongings sold what we no longer wanted and paid about £200 total in legal fees. To this day her Mum is convinced I took advantage of the situation despite being told repeatedly that was not the case. Irrational beliefs trump knowledge in many people.
      Best of luck.

      • #140652
        Anonymous

        My wife picked out some bras for me.  Lacy ones. So we’re getting somewhere.

    • #140644

      Maybe you need to try to understand she married a man, she is not lesbian, and has trouble understanding your desires. Maybe she needs to understand you have gender issues that need to be understood  by her and decide after much learnings, if she wishes to participate. I think you both could try some counselling by a good gender therapist if staying together is important to you both.

      • #140651
        Anonymous

        She picked out some bras for me. Lacy ones. So we’re getting somewhere.

    • #140646
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      There is a gross misconception that persists. Many erroneously believe that gay and trans people “become”. This is the thought process behind the “grooming” BS. But, that was never the case. Nothing happened to us. We were gay or trans from the beginning. If people (speaking of the general populace) would read the accounts that gay and trans people have written about their lives, they would see that kids of single digit ages were aware that they were different from their peers. They didn’t understand it and they had no vocabulary for it, but they knew they were different. That is the simple truth of it.

      Many also erroneously believe that sex and gender are the same thing. They are NOT. As someone once put it, Sex is between your legs, but Gender is between your ears.

      Whenever the conversation comes up, I will frequently make these points. However, people often choose to cling to what they believe in spite of information and logic to the contrary. “You can’t tell me” is the prevailing thought process.

      Anyway, these are the things that must change in order for others to understand how things sit for us.

      Also, it may be that separation is necessary in order for both parties to have the life that they need and deserve. I’m not saying that I advocate this, but it is not uncommon.

      • #140650
        Anonymous

        My wife even picked out my bras. Lacy ones. So we’re getting somewhere

        • #140672
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          With chemical reactions, there is a thing called Residence Time. Often the desired reactions are not instantaneous; they take a bit of time (Residence Time) to happen. Sometimes we Hu-Mans need a bit of time to sort things out. We have to absorb information and then process it. It isn’t like a Heineken Silver commercial where one sip changes everything! Hu-Mans tend not to be comfortable with change, so sometimes it takes a while.

    • #140713
      Michelle Lawson
      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      Nope, you didn’t become the way you are because of something you bought off of Amazon. We are born the way we are, albeit with a tad bit of tweaking in our very early years of development. We just play the hand of cards we are dealt, as is every other human being. If more understood that; well, it’d sure be a nicer planet. Hugs, Michelle

    • #140914
      Miriya Paris
      SILVER

      Betty I find my self typing to you again. This topic is very close to my heart but I can only give you this.

      “Get ready for the ride, it will be bumpy, scary, and painful.”

      But hang in there you are totally worth it, and once you emerge from the fire you will be ten times better then the person who went in there.

      Miriya

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