Parent of a Transgender Child

This topic contains 8 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Amanda Deike 2 weeks ago.

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    Topic
  • #32663

    Jasmine
    Managing Ambassador

    Hello Parent,

    Please take a moment to introduce yourself, and whether you have a son or daughter, or a nonbinary child. Please do not post your childs name or any identifiable information about you child like age or status.

    I’ll contact you to invite you to a private group. If you accept the invite please try to be active and we will do our best to help you with any questions you have.

     

    Thank you for joining!

    Jasmine Marie

    TGH Site Manager

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  • #34447
     Brenda Leigh 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hi Amanda,

    I just came across your post and it really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes!! Your such a wonderful Mom to Missy, and your acceptance of her, loving and helping her along her journey, will do so much for her own slf esteem as she grows up.

    When I told my Mom at 5 yrs old, I was really a girl, she did not understand and blew it off as childish behavior. But that was 1966 and nobody heard about Transgender people so in her defence, she didn’t know. At 15 yrs old my parents caught me cross dressing and treated me horribly, which sent my young mind down a self destructive path that took me year to recover from, but I finally did.

    Love and support Missy, help her along but also give her the freedom to explore herself so she can learn who she is in an environment free of judgement and ridicule. If she wants to go out in public dressed as Missy, I think that’s great!!! Going out as Brenda did more to boost my self confidence than the hours of therapy I spent with a psychiatrist.

    Hearing your story really made my day, I’m so happy to hear such a loving, positive Mom so concerned and working so hard to do the right thing for her son/daughter!! And one more thing, screw narrow minded people’s opinion about shopping for Missy!!! Show your daughter your proud of her as a boy and a girl!! Shop locally….

    Hugs, Brenda

     

    • #34741
       Amanda Deike 
      Participant

      BRONZE

      Dear Brenda,

      Thank you so much for your support!  Everyone at TGH and CDH have been very supportive.  For now Missy wants to keep her female self under wraps, but she does want to meet others like her.  Her first outing will be in a larger municipal area where she can have some anonymity.  At this point she just wants to enjoy being Missy and doesn’t want to be burdened with decisions about transitioning.

      Hugs,

      Amanda

  • #33692
     Marianne Tornander 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

    Dear Amanda,

    You are an awesome parent to deal with your child’s dressing as a girl so nicely. As you say it may yet be too early to tell what way (s)he will head, but you seem open for all alternatives which I find great

    I knew I was at least partly a girl since I was about six years old, but being a child of the sixties, I had no idea transitioning was even possible until my 30s, and then I was a married husband about to start a family. Since then I have gotten three lovely sons. None of them inclined to crossdressing so far, but all of them accepting and supportive. All my life I have however wanted to be a girl/woman and though a transition is still medically and socially possible it seems more unlikely to happen for every year that goes by, especially as I am now also dealing with Parkinson’s.

    My wife has known about my crossdressing for more than 20 years but doesn’t want to see me dressed or have anything to do with it. She claims she married a man and not another woman, thoigh that is how I see myself theese days.

     

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #33700
       Amanda Deike 
      Participant

      BRONZE

      Dear Marianne,

      Thank you so much for your wonderful post.  Everyone here has been so supportive.  I am sorry that you have not been able to live your life as you would like, but it does seem that you are doing the best you can given your situation.  You are a beautiful woman.  I am happy for you that you can enjoy that.

      When I first realized my “Michael” might be secretly dressing as a girl, I didn’t know what to think.  All I knew of crossdressers is that they are generally scorned, ridiculed and totally worried about getting caught.  After searching the internet, I came to the conclusion that they were basically men (and boys) who want to be pretty, just like Missy told me.  I could not see the harm in that.  So when she came out to me (actually, I caught her in the act dressed in my lingerie at my makeup table, THEN she came out – I won’t tell you what else was going on!) I had already decided to fully support her.  She jumped out of the chair and immediately started to cry and apologize all over herself.  I told her all was ok, and I was there to help her.  She just looked at me and gave me big hug, saying she couldn’t believe she was hearing that.  I told her I had known for quite a while.  My things didn’t fit her  (I am 5’9″, Missy is 5’3″ – that comes from her father) so I told her we would plan a shopping trip (with her as Michael) where we would get her started as missy.  Well, we have done that several times now.  We always go to another town to avoid being seen by someone we know.  I guess if we were seen I would just say we were shopping for my niece!

      Sorry for making this so long-winded;  I could go on and on.  Suffice it to say she does make a very pretty girl.  She now has a second “girl” bedroom, and we are planning and training for her first outing as Missy.  So much to teach her, but she is an eager student.

      Thank you so much,

      Amanda and Missy

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #33243
     Stephanie Jones 
    Participant

    FREE

    Your son is incredibly fortunate to have a Mother such as yourself. Your description of him “getting into your things”, makes me grin. That was sooooo me at 14 or so, lol

     

    Hugs n best of luck with everything  smile

    Stephanie xo

    • #33258
       Amanda Deike 
      Participant

      BRONZE

      Thanks so much Stephanie.  One obvious sign was the run he put in my new stockings, so the first thing I taught him was how to put them on properly.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #32769
     Dasia Anderl 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    Amanda,

    You sound like a competent and admirable mom to Missy. Good for you two! It seems you have this situation under control. You may want to study up on Transgender people. There’s some online resources I can share with you like the University of Minnesota’s Tretter Transgender Oral History Project. It’s over 200 video testimonials by MN Transgender people. There’s many cultural perspectives and is full of insights! https://www.lib.umn.edu/tretter/transgender-oral-history-project

    Also there’s some support groups around for young transgender, gender non-conforming and non-binary people. Here in Minnesota we have a group called Transforming Families. https://tffmn.org/ They have support groups for parents and children, have potlucks, do rallies, but overall is a safe, supportive space for the kids and an educational place for parents. Have you checked out some support groups and resources in your area yet?

    I think it’s incredible, happy, wonderful and immensely loving of you to be so supportive of Missy! Calling Missy a label isn’t necessary. Missy is Missy just as you are you. I always thought gender social constructs were strange. I grew up in the ’70’s, ’80’s and ’90’s in Midewestern America. I watched my cis girl friends act and wear whatever they wanted from the male side of the world. Jeans, mens jerseys, shoes, worked as farm hands, didn’t talk femininely, whatever they wanted. I, on the other hand, being forced to live a boy’s life was insanely limited. That experience showed me that how we in America teach and deal with gender has been unequitable for a very long time and it robs all of us in many ways. I think the best way is to be supportive of how we want to present no matter what primary and secondary sex characteristics we were born with since gender is something personal and is located in our brains.

    Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

    Best,

    Dasia Anderl

    she/her/hers

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #32766
     Amanda Deike 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Dear Jasmine,

    I am a single mother with a young teen son who enjoys dressing as a girl.  He is an only child, so we are understandably close.  He “came out” to me a while ago by telling me that he “wanted to be pretty like me.”  I had suspected he had been getting into my things, but was letting it slide for now.  I consider myself a girlie-girl, so I have plenty of things for him to find!  I went looking for sites that might help me help him with this, and I found your site.

    I have taken him shopping to see what he likes, and he enjoys being “missy” most days after he gets home from school.  For now I got him a wig, but I am letting him grow his hair out so we can style it.  He has always noticed what girls are wearing and would point out things he likes, which I always thought was odd, but perfectly natural now that I know the context.  Right now this is just between him and me, but he did say he wants to go shopping as a girl.  He is quite petite, and totally passable as a girl.

    He hasn’t told me he wants to be a girl full time, so I am hesitant to call him transgender at this point.  I have no ideal where we are going with this, but for now I’m letting him be missy.

    Thanks,

    Amanda

     

    5 users thanked author for this post.

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