Positive health changes since my crisis

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Cloe (CC) Webb 1 week, 1 day ago.

  • Creator
  • #4030


    So my loves this post is to kind of show just what physical effects can come of repression and the changes resulting from acceptance.

    In 99 I was a man beast. Had a farm with seven acre garden, big shop full of ganja, emus, goats, a pig,dogs and cats. I was the guy who could do the thing and so did it. In October a chopper flew over and doused us in herbicides. As result my ten yr old my 21yr old and I all had heart attacks. My boys recovered I almost did not. So there is the stage. The issues stacked up for me over a decade until I literally could not wear the hyper male mask any longer. At this point I was on a slide down and down till my health was shot and I struggled with diabetes control, blood pressure and digestion along with an uptick in irregular heart beat. So now we are at this point. Health failing, inner gender conflict turned to 11 and making me hate life and be horrible company. This carried on near another decade. *aside, during this time my partner did not leave and stood by me♥️* now forward to June, sixty yrs old and can no longer bear feeling trapped as “him” as he slides down to a horrible old man too soon. Could not bear it to the point of taking a drive to a cliff. This was the breaking point and the woman I had suppressed came out roaring NO!  And a feeling of peace I had not known in years came over me. Maria would now run my game and he , well he is dying.

    That moment changed my life in a way I never dreamed and now I am happy truly happy. I cherish my life deeply maybe for the first time ever. I appreciate, I am grateful, I feel love deeply, hell I can even smell beautiful aromas again and I never noticed there loss until they came back. But even better is that my diabetes is better. I have barely had arrhythmia since and my energy levels have tripled.

    This tells me the energy it was taking to keep the mask was killing me. When on that fateful day, Maria said NO love let me take care of you now. She has and I sit in tears of gratitude for her not giving up on the woman she knew I was and for breaking the wall of repression that kept her at bay.

    I write this almost in a schizophrenic portrayal of two personalities in one body but it was far more one personality wearing a painful poisonous mask.

    Repression kills. Acceptance brings balance. And Maria is going to live to be the woman she should have been born as healthier than ever!

    bless you all from the bottom of my healing heart, bless you all! 💋💗💄Maria

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  • Author
  • #4067

    The tears are hot on my cheeks my dear alpha female. The hell you went through, my god! I lost all but one cousin in country. The sole survivor died drunk driving in a month after his return. Two uncles one a toxic mess of ruined masculinity and one, oh god I am blessed is a lovely gay man who was the first family I have come out to.  I missed the worst but was “hooked up” and pushed pallets out of cargo planes in Cambodia and Laos for six months. I said fuck this when the plane went down hard and I had to get stateside to heal. 1977 was a very bad year. 78 came and I was navigating a twin into Columbia and picking up. Blow and weed. Was shot in the face one trip and was stabbed in the neck another. But so toxically masculine I was proud of both. Someday there may be a book in this clusterfuck until then my life is about becoming Maria and being the person she is.

    My dearest Dame. You are a kind and wonderful woman. I am truly blessed to have made your acquaintance and hope to earn your friendship as our time here progresses. I already feel so welcome and warm when read your words.

    Some happy tears now and a big hug to you from little me 💋Maria

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    • #4120
       Cloe (CC) Webb 
      Managing Ambassador


      It’s amazing to hear the backgrounds of people.  I’m so thankful for the service you all provided to the country.  My own dysphoria seems pale in comparison to what you two must have endured.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #4064
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 


    Mariabella…..oh sweatheart……I cry for you. What a life you’ve had. My heart sings now that you have been feeling better and have found a reason to live. Our lives are so parallel that I cannot believe it. I spent 3 years in Vietnam and was shot, Agent Oranged, Napalmed and send sights and actions with people on both sides of the conflict that even Lucifer could not have dreamed up.. I was a medic, there to save lives but circumstances required me to kill as well. I suffer from PSTD, skin cancer, heart failure, liver and kidney problems from being sprayed. I am one of the lucky ones….so many of my troopers have died at an early age from all this. It is a good thing I am so tough… a miracle child…living on. Now that I have found CDH and TGH…..and become woman….everything has eased up and I hope to carry on a while yet. The girls here are such an inspiration to me and I love them all dearly.

    Mariabella….I may not physically be with you….but mentally….I have your hand and root for you daily. May the Spirit of Great Grey Wolf look over and help you.

    Dame Veronica


    Dame Veronica Graunwolf

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