So my loves this post is to kind of show just what physical effects can come of repression and the changes resulting from acceptance.
In 99 I was a man beast. Had a farm with seven acre garden, big shop full of ganja, emus, goats, a pig,dogs and cats. I was the guy who could do the thing and so did it. In October a chopper flew over and doused us in herbicides. As result my ten yr old my 21yr old and I all had heart attacks. My boys recovered I almost did not. So there is the stage. The issues stacked up for me over a decade until I literally could not wear the hyper male mask any longer. At this point I was on a slide down and down till my health was shot and I struggled with diabetes control, blood pressure and digestion along with an uptick in irregular heart beat. So now we are at this point. Health failing, inner gender conflict turned to 11 and making me hate life and be horrible company. This carried on near another decade. *aside, during this time my partner did not leave and stood by me♥️* now forward to June, sixty yrs old and can no longer bear feeling trapped as “him” as he slides down to a horrible old man too soon. Could not bear it to the point of taking a drive to a cliff. This was the breaking point and the woman I had suppressed came out roaring NO! And a feeling of peace I had not known in years came over me. Maria would now run my game and he , well he is dying.
That moment changed my life in a way I never dreamed and now I am happy truly happy. I cherish my life deeply maybe for the first time ever. I appreciate, I am grateful, I feel love deeply, hell I can even smell beautiful aromas again and I never noticed there loss until they came back. But even better is that my diabetes is better. I have barely had arrhythmia since and my energy levels have tripled.
This tells me the energy it was taking to keep the mask was killing me. When on that fateful day, Maria said NO love let me take care of you now. She has and I sit in tears of gratitude for her not giving up on the woman she knew I was and for breaking the wall of repression that kept her at bay.
I write this almost in a schizophrenic portrayal of two personalities in one body but it was far more one personality wearing a painful poisonous mask.
Repression kills. Acceptance brings balance. And Maria is going to live to be the woman she should have been born as healthier than ever!
bless you all from the bottom of my healing heart, bless you all! 💋💗💄Maria
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