Propper Introduction

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    Topic
  • #124846
    Jessica Alexandria
    Participant

    Hi. I’m sorry I didn’t do this at first; I had no idea you all were going to be so quick to accept and include me. My NAME is Jessica. My mother called me John when I was born. I’m from Nashville, Tn. As long as my memory goes back, I have NEVER been male when I dream, which was extremely confusing. I used to tell my friends i was a girl until my parents heard, and trouble isn’t the right word for what happened. I wasn’t even allowed to have friends for a while after that. So…when i was about 8, i got caught in my cousin’s clothes. First my older male cousins beat me up real good…my cousin I had borrowed the clothes from laughed at me until I cried…my uncle beat my ass with a belt…when my dad found out he did the same…and my mom made me write off 1000x (God, I HATE write-offs) “I am not a girl. I am a boy”. So..yeah, that broke my head. And my heart. And i was extremely confused because my heart told me i wasn’t a boy and in fact WAS a girl. And in my head…see I always wanted girlfriends instead of boyfriends. Plus in my dreams..i was a REAL girl..i was pretty and everything. It got more confusing with puberty. See, I’m a lesbian..but I didn’t know that then. All i knew is that I liked girls..to BE WITH. Lol, my head is swimming just thinking about that. But..since I was taught from a very early age that how i felt was wrong, I pretended. I kept everything inside so long. That’s why I feel so good with you girls…I can FINALLY talk about it and get some of this pain out of me. Anyway, so..at about 14 i found that oxycontin REALLY helped with the pain. And by the time I was 17 I’d replaced that with Heroin. By 23 I was using needles, and 5yrs ago I met a beautiful girl named Carfentanyl. I am in recovery. I’m almost 100 days sober. I really didn’t know I was “Transgender” until I did the research 2 years ago. Before i got it beat out of me, I was a girl and no one could tell me otherwise. After that I felt like I was a twisted, cross-dressing freak who wished I was a gay girl, and later I just threw in the word addict and that’s how it was. I’m still fairly confused…but…knowledge of myself helped me greatly, and I knew what I needed to do. Thanks to all of you,I’m gaining the strength, courage, and confidence to make it happen. Wow, that feels amazing just getting that out of me. I love me. Lol, I’m so Emo..typing through tears.. And you know what, I AM a “Real Girl”!!
    đź’‹ – Jessica

    3 users thanked author for this post.
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    Replies
    • #124894
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Jessica:

      As you have discovered, the road from denial to discovery is neither smooth nor linear with lots of bumps and chuck holes. However, it is what we need to do. Further, it is the progress that counts. Doesn’t make any difference if the progress is 2 inches today, 1/2 a mile tomorrow and 2 feet the day after that. You know what the goal is and keep pointed in that direction.

      You can do this. We know that you can.

      Be Well…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #124854

      Hello Jessica , I grew up in the 60’s born in the late 50’s and I waited long after my parents passed on a good decade for sure and finally said to myself enough is enough of this denial – I never realized that I was actually transitioning in the early 80’s , lots of guilt , nervous breakdown in 81 , literally could not walk and slept for 3 months taking ” Surmontil ” and down to 148 lbs , I was actually dying – the gender bender revolution is finally here – a persons brain is hard wired at birth despite the physical appendages down below and this issue of self and who you are will never be understood from uneducated people and family – like myself you have to make ” NEW ” and enjoy yourself and at some time down the road family may change there views to some degree but don’t count on it and so liking yourself is paramount – understand there psychology will help – ( Always leave people better than you found them – hug the hurt – kiss the broken – befriend the lost – love the lonely ) – all is good – be yourself – XO – Krystal G , BC , Canada

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #124851
      Terri Anne Knoan
      AMBASSADOR

      Hello Jessica,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      ======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #124850

      Jessica I’m SO PROUD OF YOU…FOR WRITING THIS… you are HERE WITH US NOW and We are here for you…
      Be Safe…Be Your True Self..
      Jessica Maddison đź’•

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #124849
      Brielle
      FREE

      Oh Jessica – you poor, brave dear! I was lucky growing up – no one in my family found out (or if they did they never brought it up). My dad was raelly good whipping off his belt, but it took a LOT of silly stuff from us for it to happen. I just learned how to be the best sneak I could, and I was the youngest of 4 (the youngest gets away with a lot b/c the parents are so worn out (giggle).

      All the guilt and shame is what I lived for nearly 60 years until last July when I just couldn’t live with it anymore. My wife is not at all happy with me transitioning, but knows I need to. We aren’t sure if we will stay together in the end – I want to desparately. I am also a transwoman lesbian, at least for now. The estrogen may change my feelings, but I want to live withmy wife if she’ll let me.

      Anyway, you should be so proud of where you are now!! You survived and you are ready to thrive, GF. I just know it! Please lean in to all the wonderful people here and on Crossdresser Heaven and know we all love and support you!

      Hugs and kisses,

      Brie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #124847

      Jessica, get a sponsor in your 12 step recovery, don’t drink or use one day at a time. You can beat this, the dressing and feelings are normal for someone like you. I went through 10 years of that self destructive behavior. Using is just a symptom of deeper issues…get a sponsor. Roella.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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