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Hi. I’m sorry I didn’t do this at first; I had no idea you all were going to be so quick to accept and include me. My NAME is Jessica. My mother called me John when I was born. I’m from Nashville, Tn. As long as my memory goes back, I have NEVER been male when I dream, which was extremely confusing. I used to tell my friends i was a girl until my parents heard, and trouble isn’t the right word for what happened. I wasn’t even allowed to have friends for a while after that. So…when i was about 8, i got caught in my cousin’s clothes. First my older male cousins beat me up real good…my cousin I had borrowed the clothes from laughed at me until I cried…my uncle beat my ass with a belt…when my dad found out he did the same…and my mom made me write off 1000x (God, I HATE write-offs) “I am not a girl. I am a boy”. So..yeah, that broke my head. And my heart. And i was extremely confused because my heart told me i wasn’t a boy and in fact WAS a girl. And in my head…see I always wanted girlfriends instead of boyfriends. Plus in my dreams..i was a REAL girl..i was pretty and everything. It got more confusing with puberty. See, I’m a lesbian..but I didn’t know that then. All i knew is that I liked girls..to BE WITH. Lol, my head is swimming just thinking about that. But..since I was taught from a very early age that how i felt was wrong, I pretended. I kept everything inside so long. That’s why I feel so good with you girls…I can FINALLY talk about it and get some of this pain out of me. Anyway, so..at about 14 i found that oxycontin REALLY helped with the pain. And by the time I was 17 I’d replaced that with Heroin. By 23 I was using needles, and 5yrs ago I met a beautiful girl named Carfentanyl. I am in recovery. I’m almost 100 days sober. I really didn’t know I was “Transgender” until I did the research 2 years ago. Before i got it beat out of me, I was a girl and no one could tell me otherwise. After that I felt like I was a twisted, cross-dressing freak who wished I was a gay girl, and later I just threw in the word addict and that’s how it was. I’m still fairly confused…but…knowledge of myself helped me greatly, and I knew what I needed to do. Thanks to all of you,I’m gaining the strength, courage, and confidence to make it happen. Wow, that feels amazing just getting that out of me. I love me. Lol, I’m so Emo..typing through tears.. And you know what, I AM a “Real Girl”!!
💋 – Jessica
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