Purging: Something Every Girl Does Along the Way?

Does "Purging" seem to be a necessary "stop along the way" in helping us identify our true selves?

The poll is designed to gather opinions and responses to purging as it relates to self-identification.

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  • Yes62.71%37 votes
  • No37.29%22 votes


  • Creator
  • #90993
    Shawna Layne

    I’ve read many posts about ladies having “second thoughts” about her lifestyle or transition path; and as a result throwing out hundreds – or even thousands – of dollars worth of beautiful clothes, makeup and accessories…only to IMMEDIATELY regret the decision and begin anew. My question is: is this something that every girl does at some point in her life? Is it a necessary – albeit DIFFICULT – life lesson in helping to define who we are to ourselves – with the lesson ultimately being that purging the physical things doesn’t purge who we really are?

    Your thoughts and opinions would be very interesting to me.



Viewing 17 reply threads
  • Author
    • #94088

      I’ve had 2 major purges. I think they are common on this journey. I don’t believe that I will ever purge again. I can now see that some people would not have any purges if they gain acceptance of the self early on.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #94050
      Cynthia S

      Necessary? Absolutely not. I have never purged which is why Narnia(aka Cyn’s boutique,aka my wadrobe) is so extensive. but is purging commonplace? Absolutely yes.

    • #93799

      ive purged i think2 times i did it just before meeting my future wife when i came out to her  she asked me what happened to my fem wordrobe and stuff  i told hrt i got rid of everything she said that i should not have done that then started getting fem stuff for me.the second time was after she passed away front leukemia. i lost my mind and everything i owned i so regret it.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92604

      The answers in this thread really make me think.  I have purged 3 times if you don’t count the first, where sadly my wife stumbled across my somewhat limited wardrobe.  For me I think each time I have purged, my urge to replace what I have lost has just become stronger.  BTW I have always used clothes banks, which somehow makes me feel better knowing that the clothes I am losing are going to benefit someone else.  I wonder if the increased desire and urgency to replace what I have lost is in fact confirmation that I need to move forward and begin a more permanent life as my female self??

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92509

      There are so many good replies to this query!
      I think that “Purging” happens, whether it is because of shame, fear, denial or even a thoughtless act of loyalty.  In happening, “Purge” highlights a problem or is a sign of the big transformation to come.
      In early forms of medicine, taking care of toxic conditions associated with digestive stagnation or ingestion of “bad” food was often in the form of purgatives (they make you force it out one end or another).  In our transformations, including our unfolding of our truer selves and that gender form, I think it is those moments of reaction to pain, fear or what have you that we reject or throw away a symbol of ourselves or our feelings in hopes that disassociating with it will make the uncomfortable or even traumatizing things stop.  When it becomes clear that it no longer works, we mourn or regret hurting ourselves in that way and appreciate the innocence and beauty that those things really represented.  Perhaps, sometimes those things weren’t fitting but we attached a meaning to them, all the same, and it took panicking and tossing them out before we could find a better suited medium to takes it’s place.
      Perhaps this is why “Purging” is needed.  Perhaps we let go to be shown our truer selves and the things that may symbolize more accurately our happiness.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92475

      This is a good question. I’m not sure if it is a necessary stage, but I’ve done it a couple of times. I think I mainly did it because I believed “it was just a mid-life stage” I was going through. Well, I was wrong in that assumption, and maybe that was something I had to do to get where I’m at now. I’m seeing a therapist who is helping me with these issues.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92460


      Hi everyone,

      Purging, I can’t count the number of times I have purged, because my wife would find my sash or

      catch me in a pair of panties. I did it to save my marriage, and then I would hate myself even more then

      did already. I move and play being happy, and I happy in my life, at least with my wife and kids, not

      realizing how unhappy I was with me. I played this game a lot of years to many until late 2019, and that is long story for another time.                                                                                                                          But to answer the question I purged a lot of time and came regret it every time.

      Love and hugs



      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92416

      Hello everyone, to purge or not to purge that is a question that most of us had? But why?

      Personally I think it stems from shame or at least mine was from that. Shame of not fitting in? Shame of not being a manly man? Shame of criticism? All these and more. But what stems the shame? My guess again is fear, because with out fear there can be no shame.

      Now I have also purged lots of things and not all related to my female self.  I actually purged all my Role Playing stuff in an attempt to move into the real world, but was it shame? Maybe a little as I really knew I needed to grow up. But did it work?  Not really as I still play games with the kids and sometimes think longingly of my old roleplaying days.  But why??? Maybe a regret or guilt from the loss of so much of self and things? But why be guilty? Is fear once again at the root? Fearful on giving up on one’s self, dreams, etc?

      Can it be that fear is my issue? Your’s as well? But how to get past the fears? or to remove them? We all know fear is sometimes useful. The person who was not afraid of a gunman never lived to tell the tale. Should we even get past them? I recall the old StarTrek movie where Spock’s brother brain washes people by removing fear and pain of one’s past. Of course Kirk saves the day by needing his pain and fear as it make’s him who he is?

      Fear it self seems to have power when it involves trauma. Any PTSD person can tell you this. There are some ways to cope with PTSD, the eye thing, drinking, maybe cognitive therapy, even the crazy Scientologists might have the cure. Could the same help people like me who has shame based fear? Personally I am a bit crazy and believe Qi Gong and witchcraft hold my answers. But who really knows and I am sure there are as many answers as there are people in the world.

      Well that s my rambling thoughts for the day.


      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92317

      I don’t know that purging is necessary, but it is probably common.  I base that on my own experience as a CD (I purged twice.  Fortunately, both purges were done early on, before I had accumulated much in the way of feminine clothes, shoes and accessories.) and comments from many others who also purged at one time or another.

    • #92313

      Thank you all for sharing your responses to this question. Reading your replies has left me feeling a sense of empowerment. I’ve never considered purging any of Autumn’s clothing. I began purchasing clothing for her online and have never looked back. For me, it has always felt really good to buy the type of clothing I’ve wanted to wear for so long. It feels even better when I put it on. This past year I purchased more items for Autumn than ever before, and I know that this trend will continue into the new year. One of the gifts I bought for Autumn for Christmas was a pendant consisting of three different colored maple leaves bunched together on a long gold chain. I came across it while shopping for jewelry and knew I had to have it. When I put it on…I can’t describe it. How good I feel being myself, what that piece of jewelry represents for me and who I really am in my heart. I love it so much that when I go to bed, I hang it from a thumbtack holding a small poster of Freddie Mercury on the wall right next to where I sleep. Freddie is sitting on a ladder, and the caption reads, “Be Yourself. No matter what people say.” The multicolored maple leaves hang to the right of Freddie and the caption. I glance at it as I drift off the sleep, and when I wake up I look over at that symbol and smile. The symbol of Autumn. Who I really am in my heart.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92312

      The only purge I did when I started transitioning was getting rid of my “guy things”. I have never looked back.

      I feel zero impulse to ever present as male again.

      Now, I have culled my closet a few times to clear out stuff that didn’t fit me well or were early poor choices in style or color. But I don’t think that’s the same thing.

      I did have some nice well worn button down guy shirts with great patterns that looked good on me en femme.  I’ll confess that I regret getting rid of a few of them.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #91101

      Hi ladies , i purged once and hated i did that ever since , and i will never do it again . Like said here only some male stuff , not leslie’s things , she would get very mad at him . By the way , him is getting weaker all the time , its Leslie’s life now , stand back and here her purr . Love to all and lets live to the fullest and happy Thanks Giving girls . Leslie

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #91094
      Mx. Margaux

      I never ‘purged’ in the traditional sense because I didn’t start my journey ‘crossing’. What DID happen though, was/is that every milestone I make in my physical transition, the more of my ‘male’ wardrobe gets purged. I’m pretty much full-time femme nowadays and only have a small fraction of my ‘boy’ clothes left. It’s a huge liberating feeling to let those old jeans and shirts go to make room for cute new things…

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #91084
      Emily Alt

      Necessary? In a perfect world purging wouldn’t ever be considered, much less acted upon. Being in denial may lead oneself to purge. I certainly did many times. Things are improving for us and I believe purging will happen less often.

    • #91070

      Maybe we purge because we find ourselves in the wrong situation to take our dressing/transition to the next level. When I was younger and I purged it was usually because something made me feel guilty about dressing in private as the real me. Possibly I heard a person of authority talking about how men dressing in women’s clothing were perverted. Or possibly because a significant other came to close to finding my cache of female clothing.

      Gender dysphoria became so strong at the age of 60 that I was forced to come out to my family for the sake of my sanity. After that I chose to never purge again.

    • #91021

      I don’t know that purging is ‘necessary’ – it is common though and I know I’ve done it on several occasions.

      The odd thing is, I don’t really know why? I mean, I told myself it was to avoid any possibility of getting ‘outed’ when I really had to have people in my flat while in ‘male mode’. But, in reality, I could have easily sequestered my stuff where folks wouldn’t have seen them and it wasn’t as if they were going to conduct a forensic search of my home!

      All I do know is that I usually only lasted a day or so before I started building up my collection of lingerie once more and after that a steady stream of clothes and make-up would find their way to me.

      I guess Shawna’s last point might be true – in the end, the cost of replacing the items and the sadness it brought me in those periods when they were gone really stopped the purging and made me accept living as woman wasn’t something I had any real control over. I guess, many years later and in a slightly different stage of life, I’m learning that lesson all over again.

      Thank you for a thought provoking question.

      Rachel x


      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #91016
      DeeAnn Hopings

      Purging happens because people think that Out Of Sight = Out Of Mind, but it doesn’t. MANY have said that the feeling/urge comes back worse than before, so there is no net gain; only a new loss of $$, €€, ££ or whatever…

      For the record, over 8 years, I have never purged…

    • #91015
      Dawn J

      I’ve come close, a couple of times, Shawna– but my wife beat me to it. This was back when I had very few items of feminine attire– mostly lingerie. I know that she was trying to get rid of me (Dawn) for the sake of the marriage, but I don’t think the purging had an impact, one way or the other except that I got resentful of her. Why should she get to be the only one, in our relationship, to be pretty & express her femininity? Now, I have more clothes, shoes, (makeup) etc. than my wife & my male persona put together. And I’ll be darned if I’m going to dump any of it.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #92950

        Look I may not be a regular member. My home is Crossdresser Heaven. But as a CD I spent many times shopping then guilt hits and then I’m purging everything.

        I think it was my way of coming of coming to terms and battle many years of guilt.

        I come to you as a crossdresser that been fully open since about the age of 30. I not going tell my age now, because a lady never tells their age. But I’ll you this I’m no spring chicken any more.

        And my purging days are long gone and in the past. Now I have the problem of owning too much.

        I’m Hippie Here and I’m Hippie on CD Heaven

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