Question for all generations

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    Topic
  • #62611
    Jennifer Scott
    Participant

    I’m 65 and just started HRT four months ago.  I have been very hesitant to come out to the world at large and live my truth 24/7 or even in public.  This is because of what being born in the mid 50s has done.  Everything was gendered and boys did not do anything that smacked of feminism at all.  Both my family and peers looked at everything through that lens.  I made the mistake of telling someone in middle school that I liked to dress.  I was then the object of ridicule and worse.  My father was no different.  I learned to do everything in secret.  As I was finishing with my counselor today she mentioned she had other transgender clients and that I was the oldest of the group.  After thinking about what she said I wondered (and I hope those who read this can help) whether the younger generations (those in mid life and younger, or those my age) find it easier to express themselves publicly whether 24/7 or in public in different situations.  So, there’s my question at last.  Thanks.

Viewing 9 reply threads
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    • #93349
      LadySarah
      FREE

      I was born in 1966. I was expected to do manly things, just like every boy. Hypogonadism decided I was going to look a bit too girly and not have the strength to do manly stuff. That did not fair well with my adoptive parents. Nor did the doctors telling them they could not do anything until after puberty. I am grateful I was not forced to go on steroids to make a man out of me.

    • #93076
      Anonymous

      I am a 64 MTF trans girl and been on HRT for 18 months. I came out to my family 4 years ago. Right now I live full time as a female. If you have specific questions about transitioning at an older age please PM me and we can talk or chat.

    • #91298
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      In a couple of days I will be 72. I identify as transgender, non-binary. Fortunately I have never had dysphoria to any noticeable degree. What I finally realized was that I have male and female parts within me and it has always been like that. DeeAnn is not a different person from Don. The only difference, and it is a small one, is that DeeAnn is somewhat more open and social.

      This realization came to me about 6 years ago and I reacted to it 5 years ago. I am dressed probably 90% of the time when I leave my house and that feels appropriate and right. I do occasionally present as Don, but only for specific reasons. I have no problem in doing so.

      While my social transition is all but complete, I have no plans for HRT or gender affirmation surgeries.

      A few times I have thought about what might have happened if I had started sooner. First, it would have had to have been ‘way sooner to have an effect on my kids are they are 45 and 39. I suspect my first marriage would have ended sooner. But, the real question mark would be career implications. I’m a retired mechanical engineer. Over 43 years I’ve been in many factories and machine shops in the US and in other countries. As difficult as my life was sometimes, I suspect that it would have been MUCH more difficult had I discovered what my gender identity was and responded to it many years ago..

    • #84896

      I was born in 1972 into a tough mining community where the gender norms were adhered to very rigidly. I have known since 1977 that I was not happy, didn’t fit with the gender I was born with. Very few people had heard about transitioning back then and it certainly wasn’t ever talked about. It was bad enough if people thought you were “gay” (as I was accused of being). Aids was very much in the news as I grew up and I experienced increasing hostility, culminating in a homophobic attack which has keft both physical and mental scars.
      Whenever I got hurt or upset, I would put on my mum’s clothes, it felt so soft and comforting. I would rush home from school just to have an hour or so in a dress or skirt and blouse, lingerie and tights. I was beaten, strangled abd thrown around whenever my parents caught me dressed or even behaving in a “girly” way.

      I have been forced to suppress who I feel I really am, just to conform around my parents and to society’s expectations generally, for over 40 years. I have been hurting ( forced into the Male Box as I call it), just so others can feel comfortable around me.

      I told both parents about Melanie earlier this year: my dad took it very well, not so sure about mum. She didn’t say anything but the look on her face told me all I needed to know. We have barely spoken since. I’m giving her time to get used to it and the fact that Melanie is here to stay. I cannot begin to tell you how much happier, calmer, less anxious and more confident I am feeling living 24/7 as a woman. I’m not living a lie anymore.

      If I could have flicked a switch to instantly become female in the 1970s or 89s ( indeed anytime), I would in a heartbeat. It’s a shame that society has taken so long to be more accepting of trans people, I just couldn’t have “come out” back then without yet more abuse. I was made to play the part of a girl in a school play and I really enjoyed it! Of course, I pretended that I didn’t but it felt lovely in skirt, blouse and soft knee socks. I wore a sports bra too, padded out to give me “boobs”.

      But no one else controls my life anymore, I am free to be ME, Melanie WOMAN. I am going out fully dressed, growing my hair, learning to walk in heels, even wearing sexy lingerie. Things I could only have dreamed of even 10 years ago never mind 20 or 30. I have Come Home.

      Xxxx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #84436
      Seren
      FREE

      I was born in 1970 and I would still say my experience was similar to yours. I recently wrote a piece for my counselling session listing all the instances I can remember of gender norms being reinforced (and my occasional straying from the path) during my childhood. I can’t remember explicit instructions but the expected gender behaviours were clear from an early age.
      I’m just coming to terms with this side of me now, I’m just glad it’s easier for young people now

      Seraphina xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #84316

      I’m 52, and have been on hrt for a year. The pin for me is that I was a manly looking man, and so scared to take that step to full time. I do have an awesome fiancé that supports me, but still learning how to cope. Oh, and there’s my job…  scary and stressful times for me. Only advice I can give is to keep you’re head up and never go back.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #80367

      I am transitioning, but it took 62 years for me to move forward. I have been on HRT for 5 years and know how hard it is to move to full time since I work globally and culturally some of my clients will not accept my transition. I need the financial stability now, but will have to make a choice since i am scheduled to start my surgeries in 16 months. My Dr’s are incredibly busy, but the are wonderful and they take my insurance so almost everything is covered in full. It is not too late, but as with most of us I wish I was able to start sooner. I feel I have missed a lot of moments in my life that I wish I could have had, but as always hindsight is 20/20 and you can’t fix the past so here is looking forward to the future.

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #80365

      Time and place have so much impact on the way we see ourselves and on the way we presume others will see us.   I’ve maintained the same stark division between my inner person and the person I allow loved ones to see.   As for those outside the inner circle, I’m less constrained, but seem to have divided my life into parts that never overlap.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #80120

      I know it’s a difficult situation.  I just retired myself, but I have been out since 1996.  Furthermore, I never started HRT until 3.5 years ago myself!   I wished I had known what I discovered at that late time like 20 years prior.  I still say it’s never too late.  I think what you need is someone close to dress with, to go out with to do shopping and traveling together.  Get involved with other CDs and TGs, perhaps in a support group.  You’ll find yourself brave enough to step out with little encouragement.  What has helped me a lot was moving to a new location, a different city, even into a different state, where no one knows the real you and they get used to the ‘new’ you before knowing your past.  I realize that can be a difficult thing for many people but it’s an option.  Best of luck to you and your dreams.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #62614

      I’m afraid my own experience was much like your own. Things take forever for things to change in any meaningful way.

      There was (and still is) downright hadred and mis-trust for those of a different orientation or identity.

      Those marks do not fade easily, do they?

      Stephanie xo

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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