Question from a newbie

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    • #138538

      Hey all, I’m Melody and new here. A bit about me: I’m in my mid-40s, play bass guitar, and am married with a son. Favorite music: The Tragically Hip, Charly Bliss, The Midnight. Favorite Movies: The Royal Tenenbaums. Favorite Drinks: Old Fashioned, Cosmopolitan.

      I like to think of myself as a “baby trans” because even though I’m in my 40s I’m just starting on my journey of discovering my true feminine side and beginning to come out both to myself and others. I’m out to my wife now and two other MTFs at work. I’m having to learn all the things a natal girl learns at 14: how to apply nail polish, how to walk in heels, dealing with men, etc. I feel like I’ve got 30 years to catch up on, lol.

      I haven’t gone out in public yet but am planning to do so this PRIDE month with my two MTF friends. I’m so nervous. What was your first experience? Where did you go? Who did you go with? Any tips (beyond copious alcohol) for calming my nerves?

    • #138544


      Welcome.ย  You sound really nervous about going out.

      I couldn’t keep my femaleness out and one day when I was 3 hours away from home doing a work assignment for 3 months I let her out. I only went to Walmart but I went out in public and don’t believe anyone paid any attention to me.ย  Sometimes our fears are much worse than they need to be.

    • #138548
      Toni Floria

      Iโ€™m in the same boat as you working up the nerve to get out there (trying to avoid the copious alcohol lol) itโ€™s hard but maybe doable with some planning dress down and try to blend ย in with your contemporaries girl wise good luck ย  You go girl hugs to youย 

    • #138551
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Glad to have you with us! I hope that being here will be a help as your journey continues.

      So, a couple of things before I get to your question:

      I encourage you to complete your Profile page as it helps others get a better understanding of how things sit for you.

      You said Washington, so I assume you mean Washington State. I suggest that you do a bit of searching around and see whatโ€™s available in terms of support groups and social groups. Being connected with the community is always helpful for a number of reasons. Your friends may also have some insight as to what is happening in your area. You may search for members in your area by clicking on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

      In 2003 I was living in Corning, NY. My 1st wife and I were in the process of separating and we lived on different floors of the house. She was still living in the house as she was trying to figure out where to move. Anyway, knowing that the divorce was imminent, I became reacquainted with a woman that I had known previously, but we were never intimate. She lived in Ithaca, which was about 45 miles away. For Halloween, you could get into the theater on the Cornell campus for a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show for free if you crossdressed. Pat wanted to go, but I kept resisting. Eventually she wore me down and I agreed. I worked for Corning Inc. and I had some anxiety about being seen as a number of people who worked for the company lived there as it was less conservative and more cosmopolitan than Corning. But, the short story was that I felt comfortable in the clothes. It didnโ€™t feel like I was doing this unnatural thing. For me, that was a revelation.

      Less than 4 months later I began an overseas assignment in Taiwan and was there for 6 of the next 8 years. While I underdressed, I didnโ€™t do anything untoward that would get me into trouble in a foreign country. I didnโ€™t go out fully dressed again until 11 years later. These days I am dressed about 95% of the time and DeeAnn is the person of record for the 5 offices that I hold in local organizations. Very few have ever met Don.

      In terms of outfit, I would suggest something โ€œniceโ€ and coordinated; nothing outlandish that would flag you as weird. Also, remember that attitude is very important. If we donโ€™t project the attitude that we belong, someone will think that we donโ€™t. Attitude also comes into play as our behavior should reflect a female persona in keeping with our presentation. Acting as a male while presenting as female will not go well.

      I agree with what you said. We didnโ€™t have the benefit of mothers, aunts, grandmothers and older sisters helping us to understand the ways of the world and how we fit into it. The only thing that we can do is our best to try to catch up. Not easy, but not insurmountable either.

    • #138583

      Avoid drinking fluids, especially coffee, all day to avoid the need to use the girlies room if possible.

      Dress age appropriate. If you look like a pumpkin in a cucumber patch, expect to get starred at.

      Remember, you will have a purse to babysit. It goes everywhere you do, always. Make sure itโ€™s big enough to hold your keys, lipstick, cards, cash, and a million other things. ย Lol

      • #138595

        All excellent advice Jill, thank you. Actually I’m very much looking forward to using the ladies restroom for the first time. Great advice about dressing age appropriate. I think my challenge right now is finding my style and not dressing overly fashionable. I’m a dress/skirt and heels kind of gal in a blue collar town where women mostly wear either jeans or those black yoga pants. I swear 80% of the women my age wear them. I probably would too, except for a noticeable appendage.

    • #138639


      welcome dear. hopefully this community helps you along your journey as I’m sure it does most of us.

      look into a good gender therapist.ย  they help.

      going out? I started to freak trying to hide missy n changing back n forth…finally ร  good friend said if that’s you, embrace her n just go about your business as her..nobody really cares

      so I did n nobody has cares other than family that hasn’t seen le but condemned me. shrugs

      you have to dรฉcide what’s right for you. some say I was reckless n part of me was going nuts I have a part time job in a boutique selling ladies clothes as missy. but you must do what is right for 2 transitions look alike dear

      good luck sweetie


      missy jo

    • #138691

      Hello Melody,

      Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
      Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ============ TGH MtF ChatRoom ============================

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================

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