Reasons

[Anonymous]

So, I personally have a laundry list of reasons I feel the way I do about my gender. It’s a tool that helps me explain to my parents and others who don’t understand my gender dysphoria why I am the way I am. I often wonder what other people’s reasons are, if they have any, or if they just feel the way they do because it simply feels right to them. Honestly, I have a mix of reasons all adding up. I invite people to join this discussion and give me reasons they know they are the opposite gender they were born as, not because I think you need to justify yourselves, or even require a logical reason, but because I’m a very curious person and want to learn more about myself and the people that I support and that support me.

I’ll give an example of what I mean here:

 

I’ve always known I was male and struggle with being born female.

I hate my breasts, not because they are aesthetically displeasing, on the contrary, if I were happy being a female, I would be very proud of my figure, as I like curvy women such as myself. However, my breasts get in the way, literally. They make it hard to eat without spilling on them, I’m constantly brushing them up against objects, and most unfortunately, other people, all without meaning to. Makes things super awkward when I have to squeeze past a coworker to get to something and I end up rubbing my boobs on them on accident. They are also so large that they sweat a lot and I get rashes underneath them constantly. But worst of all, they cause MAJOR back issues. My lower back is always in pain and has “gone out” several times to the point where I had to go to the ER and get a doctors note so I could stay home from work and nurse the swollen, pinched sciatic nerve in my lower back. My upper back also is sore from trying to compensate for the pain in my lower back and I always slouch because my breasts are a solid 40lbs and weigh my shoulders down. I’m sure if I don’t get surgery on them, they will cause me to have a hunched back by the time I’m 50. Plus there is the physical downfall of women that is the menstrual cycle. I’m not even gonna get started on that one, I could go on for hours on that alone.

Another issue I face as a woman is having to live up to society’s standards of what a female should be. I’m expected to keep my head down, be this delicate little flower and a proper lady, not just another one of the guys like I want to be. It always upsets me when the guys at work think they have to tone down their humor because it’s “To raunchy for girls to hear”. If I make a sexual joke or one about other rude body functions people act shocked and sometimes mortified that I would dare say something like that. But if a guy does it, it’s just boys being boys. People think they have to protect me, not just physically, but from “difficult conversations” because they think I’m too fragile to handle it. Truthfully, I prefer the more mature and deeper subjects to small talk. In fact, I hate small talk. But people don’t dare talk to me on a human level because they have to keep me safe from all the horrors of the world. I’ve gotta tell ya, I learned about most of those bad things quite a while ago, and actually find a sort of morbid fascination in them. You don’t need to protect me from them.

There’s also the fact that society thinks I’m just a baby making and sandwich making machine and that’s all I’m good for. In their eyes, I’m here to look pretty, not to think or act for the better of myself or anyone else. If I dare overstep my bounds people get upset. And oddly enough, it’s usually the women that get more mad than the men if I do so. I get more flack from my grandma and the girls at church for not wanting to cook and sew and wear makeup than anyone else. Usually the guys actually get encouraged when I want to go out and shoot guns or play videogames or throw knives with them.

Which brings me to another thing. I’ve always made friends with guys way easier than with girls my age. I just don’t hold the same interests as girls. I don’t want a makeover (blegh), I don’t want to take selfies and post them all over social media, I don’t want to watch chick flicks that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I’d much rather watch a good action comedy and see someone punch the other guy’s lights out, and I don’t want to go bake a casserole that I will inevitably burn or undercook. If I can’t stick it in a microwave I don’t want to cook it. Guys tend to get that better than girls do. That and I just think along the same lines as men do, so we get along better. I don’t play all those passive aggressive games women tend to play, I just like to face my problems straight on, with a blunt, straight to the point approach. I like the off color jokes and offensive humor. I like intelligent conversation, not just talking about how cute that one guy in that new boy band is. I’d much rather discuss the newest survival horror game for the PS4 than the latest gossip going around the office. I’d much rather be independent than have to rely on someone else to take care of me. I’m not saying all women are like that, but it does tend to be what society tells women to be, and that’s not me.

I also hate feeling weak, and unfortunately, most of the world views women as weak and men as strong. I want to be strong. Not just physically, but mentally too. Women have a quiet, beautiful inner strength, but they tend to be very modest about it. I’d like to say I take great pride in my humility (haha, get it?) but honestly, I’m not a modest Marry, I’m gonna take credit for the strength I have. I’m gonna be blunt and in your face. I’m not gonna back down when I think I’m right, I’m gonna stand up for the little guy. I’m done being the shy little girl that can’t do anything for herself. I’m ready to be a man that faces his problems with real solutions and confidence. Women tend to be way more self-conscious and lack the confidence and ability to be comfortable with who they are, at least, that’s how I see it. I’m probably wrong in this instance, because truthfully, I know that people are far more complex than that, and women aren’t just what society tells them to be. But the biggest thing is, I’m sick of trying to live up to those expectations that society dictates me to. I know I don’t have to oblige them, but I also know that if I were a male, a lot of those expectations simply wouldn’t be there. Men have their own problems they have to face, but I’ve had enough of girl problems. I’m ready for some man problems.

These are just some of the reasons I would much rather be male than female, and certainly not all of them. The biggest reason though, is simply that I feel in my heart, in my soul, in my very being, that I am male. Even without all of those other things, I just know that I don’t fit as a female. The puzzle simply doesn’t fit together right like this. It’s indescribable and I don’t have a logical reason for it, but I know that I am male. I hope I didn’t offend any of you girls out there with this, because I know you are all way more than what I described women as. It’s simply my perception of what society wants women to be, not what they really are. And That’s why I’d like to again invite you to share with me why some of you have similar feelings, though quite possibly on the other end of the spectrum. I want to understand the opposite side of things as well. I know you MTF women all have just as valid of reasons to want to be female as us FTM guys want to be male. So come share them with me. Sorry (not really, haha) for making such a long post, I do tend to get carried away. The floor is yours now.

[𝓜𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓒𝓁ℴℯ́ 💋💋]

I really do want to hear more from more of our FTM brothers on your wonderful post, Xelyn.  I may come back later to add more thought.  One of the key themes you touched on several times is the societal expectations.  Born in a different time or culture and they would be different.  The key is who you are on the inside and that’s what matters.

Hugs, Cloe

[Danielle Fox]

Xelyn, dude! Had to give you a hey. So as a MTF I can see your point of view and some of it is very true. I do know some girls who are rough and tumble and can wear a ball gown. But they are few.

For me me I really am the opposite of you, lol. I get along better with the girls than the guys. I would love a make over and go to the spa. I love pretty shoes, clothes and makeup. I do not like confrontation at all because I hate arguing but if pushed and I feel I am right I will argue my point and feel horrible after. I know the inner strength of a woman is amazing even though she is soft on the outside that is not all she is. But for me I’ve played sports and done the guy stuff but it wasn’t who I really was. I don’t do jokes well especially crude ones. I wouldn’t have to put up with menstruation but I would love breasts and a vagina. I don’t see very well but I can get better and I can cook but need to get better. For the chance to get better at these I would give up my man card! Self concious is a definite trait I have, always worried about how I look and how others see me so I guess for most of your reasons to not be female I have those reasons to be female. I can’t speak for others but if I could guess I’d say that for most of the MTF community these reasons would be common along with just the feeling that I was born in the wrong body.

i hope this makes sense to you because your description for how you feel makes all the sense in the world to me. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗

Danielle💋👠

[Anonymous]

It makes me feel better to hear that, because even though they are opposite reasons from mine to want to be the opposite gender, it makes me feel not so alone . I sometimes wonder though, am I just making up reasons to use as excuses? I mean, they are valid, but do I really need to justify myself? A lot of times I feel like I do, but if I’m going to be honest with myself, the biggest reason I identify as male is simply because I do. I don’t have a reason, it just feels right that I should be male. I imagine a lot of you girls feel the same way. That you were just meant to be female and it didn’t work out that way in the beginning. It’s an interesting thought.

[Author]

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