Settling Into Our Lives…

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    • #94906
      DeeAnn Hopings

      For those of us who have settled into our desired genders, and I’m speaking in terms of years and not months, what do we think about our lives? So, the question is:

      Post transition, and this covers both social and physical, have things gone as expected or better or worse?

      In terms discussion:

      • What happened that drove your response?
      • What surprised you, positively and negatively?
      • Do you like how your relationship with the trans community is going?
      • Is the COVID situation playing a role in your transition?
      • Is the political environment playing a role in your transition.
    • #94914
      Michelle Lawson

      DeeAnn, I’d love to take this poll, but I’m not sure what constitutes “post transition” for me. From a physical standpoint, that will occur this Fall. Everything I want to present the physical side of me will be complete. It is the un-quantifiable aspects of my mental  and emotional being that I’m not sure will ever become 100% carved in stone for me. And to a certain degree, I’m also not sure I want it to be. My concern would be that if it is carved in stone, then I might not be open to whatever new and exciting worlds there are out there.

      As to a few of your points; yes Covid did hold up my electrolysis for a few months, and the political climate for me has zero bearing on my ‘development’. As for liking my relationship with this community; well, I’m still looking, but I have yet to find the right word, in any dictionary, to describe the excitement and joy I feel each day I wake up. Hugs, Michelle

    • #94922
      DeeAnn Hopings

      “Post transition” was intended to be a bit open because I think there are many ways in which we can define transition. I don’t think it is a universal thing.

      As it sits for me, my social transition is essentially done. I present as DeeAnn at least 90% of the time. I only present as Don in very specific situations. The last time was about 2 weeks ago when we went for our first vaccine shot. I have no plans to change my personal documents as it would represent an extraordinary amount of work. Ultimately it would be doable, but my time is better utilized elsewhere. Right now I hold offices in 4 organizations and there is possibly of a 5th. 3 of the 4 are LGBT organizations. I am not currently involved with a trans-specific organization for 2 reasons. I don’t rate any of the trans leadership here very highly and I also think that my time is better spent being out in the world. I  represent the trans community in effect, but functioning in broadly focused organizations involved in advocacy, politics and charity. Unfortunately trans people are generally thought to be unreliable and untrustworthy. My goal is that my presence helps to counteract that, or at least provides a positive data point.

      Physically, I have no plans for hormone therapy or surgeries. I am fortunate in that I don’t have dysphoria. But, eventually I realized that I have always been an amalgam of female and male energies, perspectives, habits and preferences. My coming out was the realization and recognition of how it is for me.

      Whenever we enter the unknown, we often have a preconceived idea if what it will be like. We can talk to others and have a general idea how things will go, but there is enough difference in our backgrounds that will create differences in our paths and outcomes. So, some of the questions relate to what we thought at the beginning of transition compared to what we thought later on. Further, as we know, MANY things can come into play: family situations, employment situations, financial situations, etc. Some can navigate the waters fairly well where others struggle mightily every day.

      Anyway, these are unprecedented times. The times, the environments where we live and political shifts are having some significant impacts on the trans community. Considering all of the ups and downs of our lives in these turbulent times, how is it really going?

    • #94959

      Hi DeeAnn ,

      When I transition in my early/late 20’s it was one awesome journey I must say . I really didn’t ID my self as transgender or even transsexual but as female . Even before I went for my surgery in 2005 and I still do . I present myself as female ,even on forums which now seem to have more options now for ID ‘ing your gender .

      Never had any troubles blending in with cis-gender females or within society . Even with men which was a surprise . Living in a very conserv society and government ( Red Necks ) I had a lot of males friends which protected me . Even after being back on my hormones now , still blend in with society . I do think this is also based on your Attitude and how people perceive you . So I also made sure when I left the house I looked my best and sharply dressed to suit the powers at be . I still do to my hair and make-up everyday . I do get overwhelmed with compliments on my looks and my out look on life with questions as to who I’m .

      I’m not part of the trans community in my area , this was a negative experience for me and an eye opener . I was dissed because of my looks , the males always hitting on me and few of the females . I have meet a few other individuals starting their journeys or on their way , but again I get dissed because I’m not part of the community . So I really don’t know if I ever will be involved in the community . This part still puzzles me , regular society expected me with open arms , while the trans community did not …

      As for my life turning out or what I was expecting ….NO ! My plan was make the transition and live my life , continuing dating get married and have a wonderful life . I did not expect to get sexually assulted which had a huge negative impart on my life has turned it all up down . This left me in a state of just existing not having and emotions towards anything . Always in a mind state of numbness and I carried this for 13 years . Covid  has for me opened up feelings and emotions which I don’t want to face at all . However I have no choice but to confront them . For me I find this to be positive for over the past 2 and 1/2 months I’m finally regaining who I’m , rediscovering myself with a totally different mind set I starting to love myself again in ways I never did before .

      In all though it really hasn’t been a better or worse . I’ve meet some fasinating people along my travels and adventures and now it’s time for a new chapter in my life start with many new adventures waiting to happen .



      • #94995
        DeeAnn Hopings

        Sadly, there is a lot of unnecessary strife within the trans community. Unfortunately, what people don’t realize is that the energy that goes into backstabbing, dishonesty, jealousy and other BS could be put to much better use. In turn, that would mean that we would be further ahead, but it isn’t seen that way. Small wonder that we also have such a poor reputation outside of the community.

        From my observation, I think that many trans women are even more sensitive about how they look than those assigned female at birth. Actually, instead of attitude, I would say presence and I liken this to Dolly Parton. When you see a photo of her next to other people, you realize that she is a pretty small person. However, when you see a photo of her without obvious reference points, she appears to be at least average size. The difference is personality and being able to establish your presence. While this is something noticeable, it is something that you can’t measure. It is either there or it isn’t.

        I think the problem that some trans women have is being stuck between two worlds and not figuring out how to fit into the female realm. They think that visual attractiveness is all there is (which may be the result of male conditioning), but there is a lot more to it than that.

        I have always maintained that in addition to physical and emotional transition, there is also social transition. We don’t often appreciate the fact that women function very differently in society and that we didn’t have mothers, aunts, grandmothers and big sisters to coach us along the way…

    • #95186

      The political winds are blowing our way, I sense that my dysphoria has increased to a discomfort point, and longing to be female all my life, I’m diving in headfirst with HRT and electrolysis all in the same month. I haven’t even dressed in 2 years, but since I mentally committed to female 2 months ago, I’ve been growing out my hair and just being my feminine self all the time. Not flamboyant but relaxed and smooth, it just feels right inside.

    • #117184

      Carefully thinking it over l decided for Worse. The social part has really been great even though the relation to my wife still is a very open question.

      The big issue however has been the unexpectedly long waiting times in the trans care system in Sweden. It is now more than two years since my first contact and all I’ve had is two get-to-know each other meetings with a doctor and a psychotherapist. The next step would be seeing a psychiatrist to start the psychological evaluation but there are no spots available for new patients presently. I have been waiting since early March and will probably not be able to see someone until spring. After that there is a supposedly two year process to get to HRT, hair removal and voice training and another two to three years to get to top and bottom surgery and possibly FFS.

      I feel this timeline makes it questionable if I will live to have any benefits from it all. I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease nine years ago at age 47 and it is right now going into a phase there more and more serious complications arise, leaving me increasingly limited in both strength and functionality.

      I am not really experiencing gender dysphoria in a bad way but have always wished to experience life out of a female perspective. Transitioning seem therefore meaningless to me if l am confined to a wheelchair in a care home unable to tend to my personal needs once it can happen.

      Marianne Tornander

    • #141976

      Strangely DeeAnn I only came out 2 days after you posted your question ( me:03/03/21) So my transition is within the life of this topic.
      I’m post surgery now, top and bottom. Other surgeries too. So if I had read your question the day you wrote it…I couldn’t have even begun to answer.
      Faster than I thought…is my reply. Less than 3 yrs to get to this point would have seemed reckless. I matured with my transition, the answers so obvious when they actually happened. It has been easy, as if I inwardly knew all along what I needed..I just wasn’t consciously aware of it. Everything has fallen into place…though there have been difficulties (NHS!)
      Better than I hoped but not because i knew where I wanted to get to (if I’m honest I wasn’t sure) but because I have achieved a liberation and happiness I never knew I was missing. I opened a door inside and Alex came out, fully formed.
      I’m part of the trans community but it isn’t my purpose in life. My trans/bi/gay friends are just that…my dear friends. I am one of them but my life apart from them is my real world. Yes I’m trans…but I don’t give it much thought really.
      I have had a trans and CD relationship already. Better than anything that has gone before.
      Covid was my watershed DeeAnn. That time when I actually sat down with myself and asked. “what do you want out of life? It may soon be over…people die from Covid.” Actually my Mum did…and others.
      The political climate now is relative I feel. If you are trans it feels more threatening than it probably is. I doubt more than 5% of people even think about us. In my view, we have it much better than earlier generations…so I keep pushing the agenda forward for those yet to come…as those before us did for me.
      I’m 32 months…more than a few months…but not many years. I’m there in my head, it’s just get on with the life you dreamed of. It’s good…it’s more than good…it’s bliss.

      Alex x

      • #141979

        Alex –

        Thank you for … well … EVERYTHING about this.


        Ellie x

    • #141990
      Lauren Mugnaia

      Hi girls,
      I am very late to this party, LOL, but I have to let everybody know how things are going.
      Many of you are already aware of how my transition has gone as I’ve made numerous posts about it, but for those who are new to TGH, let me hand you a brief synopsis.

      What happened that drove your response?
      What surprised you, positively and negatively?
      Do you like how your relationship with the trans community is going?
      Is the COVID situation playing a role in your transition?
      Is the political environment playing a role in your transition.

      Things for me have gone so far beyond any expectations, that I often feel it was divinely ordained.
      When I knew I had to come out and be true to who I am, a woman, and accept being transgender, I had a job in a government ministry building. What were they going to say? All my life I have been visibly feminine unless I was acting completely in “boy mode”, so to say they weren’t at all surprised when I told them I was transgender, would be an understatement. When I mentioned wishing to transition, they said, “When?” and provided me with the perfect day to debut as a woman at work, TDOV on March 31st 2022, Transgender Day of Visibility.

      My relationship with the trans community is amazing! I am viewed as a spokesperson for trans people, a role model, and an ambassador to the general populace as an example of who and what, a transgender person really is.

      Covid hasn’t had any effect whatsoever with my transitioning.

      Politically, things are very safe for trans people where I live, I am very fortunate to reside in a city that is very receptive to the LGBTQ+ community.

      One more major thing to add, in regards to settling into my life, is the fact that on May 25 of this year my life was changed forever. It was the day that a lady doctor informed me that I am an intersex person. After learning lots of things about myself, she placed her hand on my knee and said, “Lauren, you are a woman!”

      Hugs girls, BIG hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M

    • #142009
      DeeAnn Hopings

      Modern life is difficult enough by itself and our gender identity adds another layer of complexity. Further, it is all uncharted waters, so often it is unclear as to what to expect. And, even though our circumstances may be similar, the outcome varies widely. But, for better of for worse, we are on the path that we need to be on.

      But, change is hard and many times the human species does not do well with it. However, there are really only 2 choices. We can be our true selves or live a lie and each has its own set of difficulties. But, it is an equation that each of us must solve for ourselves. No one else can do that for us.

      • #142010
        Lauren Mugnaia

        Thank you so very much DeeAnn for your words of wisdom, and a voice of calm in the midst of many storms.
        You are a blessing to us dear sister.

        Lauren M

        • #142014
          DeeAnn Hopings


          In old English, it’s been a long time a’borning. 74 years to be exact. Regarding this life, two things are important to me:

          • Being visible
          • Sharing what I know and have observed

          I will be the first one to say that I am, clearly, not always right. But, at the very least, there are data points to be considered. I never want someone to say “I did what you said and it all went to Hell”. Very rarely will I ever say “Do This” because what it does it tends to absolve people of claiming failure. We all must own our successes and our failures, else how would we know to rejoice in our successes and treat our failures as something from which to learn?

    • #142018

      I voted better for several reasons.

      Born intersex, and as a teen I had no family support/understanding when I first noticed myself. I was diagnosed with partial androgen insensitivity syndrome (hormone imbalance) at age 18 after developing gynecomastia at age 13 (and other physical issues). I was a closet crossdresser off and on and tried/began to transition when I was 30 but stopped (no local support or internet) and got married instead. I had been a workaholic until I recently retired. Since then I continued my crossdressing until during Covid when my hormone imbalance became more active and I became more depressed. As depression set in and I began to feel more mixed emotions, along with hot flashes and times of sadness (crying). I knew I needed help. I knew I needed to completely transition. I am surprised how fast (and easy) parts of myself and my life changed in the last year.

      I found a great therapist who assured me I’m a female. She said I’ve been living as a trans-woman for all these years acting and dressing like a male. I’m my true self all the time except in front of my wife. My medical team supports me 100% as a woman. I got my ears pierced. I began HRT. I got my first mammogram. My top has filled out more. I’ve let my hair grow out. I’m learning makeup. When I go out alone I present as my true self. All of this has moved faster than I expected.

      I am trying to be more outgoing as a trans-woman but my wife does not understand me (she hates that I need to wear a bra). I go out with friends to local transgender support groups and support PFLAG meetings. I try to zoom with other support groups.

      In general, Missouri politics and St. Louis are not LGBTQI+ friendly but we have some good support organizations that help.


    • #142021
      Alexis Wassermann

      Being old school transitioning 20 years ago the times have changed bit how we feel and see ourselves is the same .

      When I first started to transition i knew what I was getting into the the scarifies which will have to be made  , it is pretty much what i excepted but it’s balanced . It’s finding that balance which I feel is important . Starting early life may have it’s advantages but in other ways there is a lot of disadvantages as well  . Am i happy with my choice ? You bet I’m , wouldn’t have it any other way . Am I still faced with the same challenges ? Yes I am with in society , does it really matter in the end , no it doesn’t for I can choose who I want within my inner circle . The love for myself  is where it is at .

      The community ,well that is really going to depend on your region . When I first started part of the program then was I had to go to these support meetings , well that didn’t go over very well being shoved in a room full of gay man , We really didn’t have support groups in the days and that hasn’t changed either here at all . So within my area , no I’m not involved in it at all . We pretty much just keep to ourselves ad go about our daily lives .

      I’m in volved with the community here which I love , reach out to others and sharing the support  with individuals from all over the globe is one of the greatest feelings one can have

      Covid changed a lot of many of us ,sure did with me . I brought me out of a 13 year shame and guilt , hiding myself and in doing so …lost who I was . I had to deal with very deep rooted inner pain , it was not a easy period in my life as those demons came to surface .Once I learned to let go and get back to my old self , I’m much more happier then I was ever before .

      On the political front we have come along ways here Canada with our rights , but there is still discrimination against which is kept silent , hidden form the public in a sense . Just because we have rights doesn’t mean the services have to be provided .But we are making head way as more and more places support us . We will always be faced with discrimination , it’s how we choose to deal with it  and knowing when to pick your battles will us through .

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