Some insight if you are transitioning in plain view.

This topic contains 20 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by  CC Webb 3 days ago.

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  • #22435

    Anonymous

    my transition was in front of god and everyone,as I did it at work,because work insurance covered SRS. I got some hostile reactions from friends and others that my therapist explained was because to them I was killing their friend and fellow worker. I hope you do not get that reaction,but understand why they react that way,it threw me when it happened to me. hoping you have a good therapist to guide you in transition.

     

    of course there is also the homophobic and transphobic  reactions,those can be scary.

     

    if you are beginning transition,fell free to ask me anything,it can become a very lonely place to be.

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  • #53180
     Rami Love 
    Participant

    SILVER

    I have come the conclusion that I am not a cross dresser. A more accurate label, I do not like labels but if I must be labeled, label me MTF transgender. After a long conversation with my wife, we have come to the conclusion that there needs to be a conversation with my two adult children. It is that or have them just run into me as a woman. How does one go about telling your children that you are starting your transition to become a woman? I will pose this question to my therapist in two week, but would appreciate some advice and help. I was thinking about telling them each separately, let them mull it over and then have a Family meeting, son daughter, wife and me?

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #53189
       CC Webb 
      Managing Ambassador

      MANAGING AMBASSADOR

      I have two adult children that I had to come out to and tell that their parents were divorcing.  The one thing that helped in all my “outtings” was to let the person know I had something serious to discuss and that regardless of what I was about to tell them that I did not think my news should effect our relationship (personal or business).  With family I added that I loved them and would need their support.

      Unfortunately one of my children found out before I had the chance to and it was touch and go for a long time.  Over time things have normalized and now things are good.  It was this situation that made me take deep thought of how I was handling things and worked with friends on CDH(no TGH at that time) and my therapist.  I couldn’t ask for two better children.

  • #52736
     Isabella Verburg 
    Participant

    FREE

    I am not transitioning in full view.  I chose to stealth.  I hid my breast development under loose shirts, and refused to wear a bra, because once supported, I was large enough to be very out there.  I chose to work on my make up skills and dressing until I felt I was passable.  Why then am I writing this here?  To thank you for having the courage to do what I felt I couldn’t after a lifetime of shaming. Thank you sincerely, and with heartfelt thanks. Your a beacon of hope to people who are scared for one reason or another to do the same.

  • #35840
     Annie Riggle 
    Participant

    FREE

    Well I guess my personal hell will be starting sometime in the future here starting with counseling and coming out to people then bet the wife is gonna flip don’t know about our adult kids but bet they don’t like it either but doing it for me felt like I haven’t fit in till I started crossdressing now the puzzle is being solved for me really looking forward to hrt but just wondering about the emotions I’m already like that without it..Always was a kind of female guy if you ask me and my attraction to guys just increase wore my first bra last week and felt natural like i was missing it all along Just got to take it day by day if wife wants to split up so be it she hasn’t even kissed me in 10 years now and with no sex it might as well be over with 30 years and now this what a trip….

  • #35135
     Anonymous

    Jasmine and all you angels of heaven

    As most of you know my story, coming out and taking from my family what they valued most.!  “Their status” I knew they would disown me but simply didn’t allow any of them to alibi out, make up lies/cover stories, or bend the truth. ( and girls they KNEW I was intersex and Still tortured me for poops and giggles.)

    As it turns out even my nieces, sister in laws, etc. are contacting me now and I firmly believe that there is nothing left to do to hurt me. Someone said “enough is enough” … I sat one a loosing side holding a rope in a game of tug of war and now have all but 2 on my end.  And remember, premeditation is only against the law if you are breaking it. I researched my coming out for almost a year so. Face it girls Family and children/kids are touchy .. But ass bag bigots and homophoeb’s deserve all you can muster up to help the goddess of Karma rear her staff of truth. Because truth is all you have and need.  They only have lies and bar-room nepotism. Do not be afraid of loosing people supposedly your friends. I have found, as you will as well.  “New Friends”

    Huggz  Tia

  • #35093
     Stephanie Kennedy 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hi anonymous I guess I am about to transition in front of every one  In some ways I am very fortunate I am 5′ 8 my shoe size 10. I am xx on top and size 10 on bottom. I am starting to wear female underwear every day size 6 or 7 depends on style. I have two pair of woman’s jeans and three tee tops 2 white one black nothing fancy just plain but I feel cute when wearing. I have 2 pair of flip flops one a little more upscale than other. I wear them every weekend all day and night. I am in front of everyone I deal with during the weekend. Oh sorry I have cute pull over hooded rain. Poncho . My wife has told me she is glad to see me wearing cloths that fit me I looked handsome I will take it. The grocery store filled with wounderful Cis woman no looks at all I will take that. The car repair person just a 2 hour listening session and a thank you I take that. I had 1 look from a 10 year old girl as I reached for paper towels she is learning how to dress and what looks good. Maybe I looked cute not sure.. I found out if you are not in people’s faces forcing them to look at you they are ok. Dress appropriately for the occasion do not over dress . You want to blend in. You can transition to a point no make up  simple pony tail if you have long hair. When you have enough of that and it’s time to move and you decide to tell those who matter. I bet you hear the words  like I kind of new that or I felt that . Just s softer way to introduce your cute fem self.  Luv Stephanie

  • #33841
     Erica Mitchell 
    Participant

    FREE

    I have been transitioning in plain view for about a year now, dressing as a woman full time for over ten months. I am retired, so I haven’t had to deal with workplace issues. However, I do need to find part time work at least to supplement Social Security, so it will probably be a real issue when I go looking. Especially since I live in a very small town in a totally rural area. Despite the conservative environment I haven’t yet had any problems with people–much to my surprise. My parents are no longer living, but my siblings have been pretty supportive, even if they don’t totally understand it. Although my brother in law can’t bring himself to call me by my new name (yet), even though it is now my legal name.

    I’ve heard a lot of stories about issues with passing. All I can say is that for me passing is, and likely never will be, an option. There just aren’t too many cis-women who are 6′ 4″ with broad shoulders–not to mention baritone voices. I’m working on the voice, trying to sound as feminine as I can, but with my size, in person  I doubt I could ever fool anyone. I realize that this issue doesn’t apply for the many of you are are not so big and obviously male, but I’m kind of stuck with the size body I have. I want to have just about every possible surgical procedure, both body and facial, if I can ever afford them. But even if I do, I’m still going to be 6′ 4″ with big shoulders and wearing women’s size 15 shoes.

    The thing is I’ve made my peace with that. It hasn’t been easy. After all, that’s the main, if not only reason it took me until my early 60’s to finally get up the nerve to transition. But now that I’m doing it, I couldn’t be happier. Regardless of how other people see me, I like the way it feels, because nothing has ever felt more right for me. And, all modesty aside, I think I do pretty well within the limitations I have. All I can do is do what feels right for me. Wearing pretty, colorful, flowing clothes, make up and jewelry is what feels right. And I do my best to walk and move in a graceful. feminine manner, without doing anything exaggerated. The bottom line is I don’t give a flying f— what anyone thinks. I can live with getting stared at, even glared at, by some ignorant people. If they can’t accept me for who I am that’s their problem.

    I do realize that in one sense my size may help me. I worked my entire adult life in construction and lifted weights in my younger days, so even in a dress I may still intimidate some guys. But if all I get are stares and the occasional insult ( although I’ve only been insulted publicly once so far) I can shrug that off no problem. For anyone who wants to take it further than that I have my pepper spray and I still remember the martial arts moves I learned in my youth, when I was trying so desperately to prove that I was really macho.

    I imagine my story is somewhat atypical, but I hope it can help inspire anyone else who thinks they are just too big or other wise just too masculine in build to transition. I’ll never have the figure I wish I could have, but after 19 months of HRT my skin is very soft, my facial and body hair is much, much softer and finer and slow to grow back, and I absolutely love my breasts–still somewhere between an A cup and a B cup. (By the way, try finding a bra that fits that cup size with a 52″ band size!)

    I wish the best of luck to all of you who are transitioning, whether in the open or not, or thinking/wishing about transitioning. Go for what’s right for you! Life is too short! I wish to God I had the courage to do this 30 or 40 years ago, but anytime is way, way better than never! Be who you were meant to be, and don’t let your fear stop you!

    Love, Erica

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    • #33846
       Misty 
      Participant

      Thank you very much for sharing hun. I only started my transition this year have not gotten a Dr yet to start hrt but am looking. I waited till I was nearly 59 to start dressing as a women and came out on facebook on my 59th birthday by posting a picture from my celabration of me in a short black dress, red fishnet stockings and heels, with a message saying I am now a woman no longer a man. Though not retired I am in similar situation in that I am on disability and dont have a job situation.

      I am only 5’10” with a small frame but I have met and seen many taller women and trans women and yes with broad shoulders and they look very much like women and if not for the place we met being a tans gathering I would never have thought them to be anything but women. Though I do live in a large city. But still they more than pass as women hun, as I am sure you more than pass just being in rural area you dont see it as often.

      Much love to you

      Misty

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  • #31051
     Jasmine Gremory 
    Participant

    FREE

    I came out full force myself. I lost all my friends, wait, sorry I never really had friends that came by or called me so I will rephrase this. I lost about 50 facebook friends. about 5 of them were family members and only 1 of them has not re-friended me yet and its my step sister, who I happen to look very similar to now. I wanted to transition at my previous job but some things happened which I will explain later. I did tell my immediate coworkers about it and that I was going through our HR team to make it official. But then, all but the senior person was let go due to a post merger IT duplicate positions no longer needed. That came 2 months after me asking HR about coming out in the workplace which they where all for as we had an attorney that was a M-F trans gal. That aside, after getting dismissed from that job, I have not been in male clothes since that day. I don’t own male clothes and I started a new job back in October 2018, as Jasmine. Since I work in a help desk role, I am constantly miss gendered on the phone. I have not had any negative feedback from inhouse employees nor have I been made to feel uncomfortable either. Other than my own self-consciousness. I have been very fortunate with my transition within the workplace. As I stated before, I really have had no friends in the past but since transitioning, I have found an entire community of friends through my Doctors office and here at TGH/CDH. My Doctors office hosts a number of transgender community events each month that get us all connected and out of our own heads speaking with like minded people. This place gives me a chance to tell my positive and negative stories. Yes, many bad things happened to me this year, not many of them were transgender related and many good/great things have happened to me this year, most of them being transgender related. I try to remain positive through all life’s situations but sometimes a person needs another person to share the negatives with. I have yet to find a friendly person to speak to but will be starting therapy soon. I do not feel comfortable talking to my wife about those feelings because, tbh, most of those feeling are about things she does and/or does not do that I wish she would or wouldn’t do anymore. Plus, when I try to talk to her, she over talks me and says I know, I know. Oh you do, do you. errrrggggg frustrating and not helpful. I am trying to find a friend to share good and bad with. Maybe someday that person may appear or maybe I am just to shy in person to reach out. Who knows. I used to have social anxiety, now, I cannot wait to go to a social events. And now I notice I am rambling. instead of deleting it, you all will understand. LOL. TTYL

    Jasmine

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    • #33679
       Misty 
      Participant

      hey hun I came out and have not heard from my family since. Not anything negative or positive Same for most of my friends. Well only one of my fb friends would even respond to my posts. And that had nothing to do with my transition. It can be very difficult to decide to transition. Not totally sure why I decided to transition but know I have never felt even decent about myself till then. It is a decision that must not b made lightly. Though I have been in much emotional pain I also have a freedom that I feel of expressing myself as a woman. Not easy but at times worth it. With my social anxiety it is extremely difficult to make friends, so with my coming out I find myself with zero friends. kinda hoping to meet new people who will be understanding of my situation  Hope you the best

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #33833
         Debbie Lynn 
        Participant

        FREE

        thanks for your information.  I can only imagine what it would be like to loose family and friends . I wish I had the courage. Do you ever regret coming out?

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #33834
           Misty 
          Participant

          No regrets here I feel much better bout myself and as for loss of family and friends is not such a big deal to me as I had already lost some of my family when I last attempted suicide as for friends I am used to being without them.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #33840
           Debbie Lynn 
          Participant

          FREE

          thank you Misty, it is getting harder everyday to know I am not living the life I so want to live.
          weighing the loss of family and friends vs living
          the life. I am older now, so it will be much harder
          to transition. I wake up every morning and the first thing I think about.
          thanks for your reply about how you now feel. That helps a lot.

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #32343

      That’s really strong, Jasmine, about being misgendered a lot on the job doesn’t bother you! Did I read that right? For me being misgendered bothers me so much I’ve chosen to work independently. Did it ever bother you? If so how did you get past it?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #31076

      Wow, not looking forward to that, but I have to make this journey. I can never be who I used to be, I just can’t. It’s not me.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #23747
     Anonymous

    sorry you have run into this,but your story is not uncommon.

  • #23740
     Danielle Fox 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hi Christina,
    How did you get through all of that hostility and losing family and friends? Therapy and medications can only do so much. I have not begun transition yet because my wife has mentioned that I am killing the man she married. I am trying to not lose her but I fear this is a losing battle. Right now I am just dressing as who I am at home and have not come out to the world and today she was adamant that she is uncomfortable with my dressing at home too. I came out to her back in June and it seemed she was accepting and supporting. But I guess she has been working through the whole losing her husband thing. So if I do decide to transition I know I will lose family. My brothers possibly and family from my ex wife, her sisters family, whom I have been close to since 1990 and just recently reconnected with after 8 years. My son and daughter may not be keen to the idea so I would possibly lose my grandchildren too. Friends from back home may not understand either and these are the people that I grew up with and graduated from high school with in Washington state. That is a lot of people that I could lose besides my wife and her children. I know there is no silver bullet and either I get on with it or not. Thanks for listening sis and any advice is welcome. Love ❤️
    Danielle 💋👠

    • #32344

      Hi Danielle, I totally understand your dilemma of losing loved ones and friends! I have no solution for you, but I can give you some insight after such losses. My partner and I love and fully support each other. We chose long before I transitioned and they became disabled not to have children. So we were fine already without children and grandchildren around. I lost almost all of my family save for my father in law and sister in law. I disowned my dad for being violently opposed to my transition. So really I decided and became accepting of losing my family over my transition; over my true identity. Now several years later I’ve started to get some consequences for those losses. Loneliness, boredom, lesser resources, lesser support, fewer places to do pastimes and fewer people to do them with, no more having fun on my parents jet skis and no more concerts with one of my old male besties.  I look to what I’ve gained when I miss these people and things. I gained myself. My true gender, my true identity, my whole life instead of lies and being disrespected, I gained my full happiness level and it is great, new friends, newly chosen family and walking the world in this way has been worth my losses. I can’t, however, justify someone else’s losses over their gains. So. I wish you the very best as you weigh out everything for yourself. Hugs, sister, you’re not alone!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #23749
       Anonymous

      it is not an easy road kiddo,buckle up,bumpy road ahead

      2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #22464
     Anonymous

    In case you run into what I did,I was gotten rid of from work by putting me on workers comp for 2 years,I f I had had a good lawyer a better way would have been filing a discrimination suit,my depression hindered my thinking.

     

    the cause of why I was let go was clear cut it was about 6 months after my  surgery when I went back to work,and there was a very hostile environment there.

    it would have been better if I had sued, but they kind of bought me off with the workers comp ploy,remember this was in San Francisco. prior to my transition a black gay worker was let go for getting an eyebrow piercing,and he ended up settling for about 800 thousand because of discrimination being a factor,the company settled out of court.

     

    I think if it were not for the depression,I could have just pushed the suit.

     

    do not let anyone try to scare you into settling for less.

     

    for people considering transition find a good therapist to help you through the process, you have to do that anyway to gain access to the surgery  by the the guidelines you must follow. BTW my therapist was one of the ones that laid down the guidelines I was lucky to have found her lynn fraser

     

     

     

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