Starting to accept…

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    Topic
  • #116955
    Vanessa V
    Participant

    Hi, only recently gained awareness that I am most probably trans. Just getting my head around it. Feeling disbelief, relief, excitement and a bit of dread! Dressing in almost exclusively female clothes, removed body hair, dislike and avoidance of my genitals etc. So many things from my past and present are starting to make sense in a way they never did before. I adore women and feel myself in female environments and company.

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    Replies
    • #117820
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hi Vanessa,

      Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      ======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

      Glad you are here. Looking forward to more sharing,
      Regards,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

    • #117132
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Vanessa:

      So good that you could join us!

      What you describe is years of repression and that is something that MANY of us here are well acquainted with. Finding a therapist to work with will likely prove to be very helpful. However, it trick is to find one with experience in gender issues. There are lots of good therapists out there, but not everyone has this particular set of skills, interest and experiences.

      Remember our minds work to protect us and minimize stress. From a laywoman’s point of view, your panic attack could be your mind’s reaction to a potentially great upheaval (realizing that your gender identity was what you thought and what that may mean for the rest of your life). A therapist can help to work through what’s going on and to help you understand what you need to do in the future.

      You may search for other members who may be nearby by clicking on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

      Please complete your Profile page. Often it is the basis for members making suggestions or sharing information. Also, it can be updated at any time if something has changed for you.

    • #117047

      Vanessa,

      Thank you for sharing – I’m glad to hear that you’re finding ways to become more comfortable in your body.

      I am a parent of a pre-teen boy who is starting to ask questions surrounding gender. He continues to identify as male, but is wondering what that means and if he is really a female. We have always had a close, open, communicative relationship and I am so happy that he trusts me enough to talk to me about the things he is thinking and feeling. But I just don’t have all the answers for him on this topic! I’ve told him that he is accepted and beautiful no matter who he is, but beyond that, I am not equipped right now to answer some of the questions he has.

      I joined this forum to ask those questions and take some of the answers back to my son so that he can figure things out more easily.

      Vanessa, I hear you talking about fashion choices (clothing, hair) as core to the reason you are finding comfort in transitioning. One of the things my son has asked me recently is, “What are boy clothes and what are girl clothes?” Obviously he knows how clothing is gendered on the racks at Macy’s or Target, etc. but he wants to know if those places have it “right.” My instinct was to tell him that those are false social constructs, that “boys clothes” and “girls clothes” are not real. He likes to wear yoga pants, pink colors, and also dislikes his newly growing body hair. I’ve always taught him that’s fine, there are no rules for boys. But now he is wondering if that means he is really female.

      How did you arrive at the point in your journey where you realized that the clothing or fashion you felt comfortable in indicated your gender?

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #117080
        Vanessa V
        FREE

        Hi Mara

        Thank you so much for your kind words. You sound such an incredibly supportive parent and your son is very lucky.

        Your question is a really good one and has made me think. At a young age I knew that certain colours, materials and activities were considered girls and that I wasn’t supposed to like them. In my teens I soon learnt that it could be dangerous to have a feminine look. Throughout my life I have always worn colourful and untypical make clothes.

        I think the difference now is my realisation that I am liking certain clothes or colours because they are gendered female. You and your son are both right that clothes gendering are merely social constructs and many clothes can be androgynous. Often however I am aware that I feel more comfortable and at peace if I am wearing women’s clothing rather than mens, even if others are not aware that what I am wearing has been brought from the women’s section.

        I hope this helps in some way.

        With love

        Vanessa x

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #117040

      Vanessa….I’m so glad, that you WILL FIND a Therapist Today. This is a wonderful start to finding your True Self. I hope you find ALL THE HAPPINESS…you can have in your Life..as always be Safe….
      Be Your True Self ūüíē

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #116964

      Hello Vanessa I’m also New to transitioning, but Love everything I’m Doing, Now I knew I was transgender, at the age of 6or7
      But did not know what to do.
      How that I’m much older, and have found TGH Site I hope to find a More Beautiful and Healthy Lifestyle.
      And you Vanessa can do this too.
      With the help of Everyone here at TGH SITE… So Be Safe….
      And find your True Self… ūüíē

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #116965
        Vanessa V
        FREE

        Thank you so much Jessica. Your words are so very encouraging. Am so glad I joined this forum, am already feeling a lot less alone ūüôā

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #116966

          We are All here for you Vanessa. Just be True to your Self….and reach out to us. TGH is a truly Safe Site..take care of your self
          Talk to you soon…ūüíē

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #117009
            Vanessa V
            FREE

            Thank you again Jessica, I will. I had a panic attack last night for the first time in ages. Going to begin the process of finding a therapist today! Still trying to process all of this, how could I not know until now (whilst all the signs were there)!

            It is so reassuring to read others experiences and understand that what I am experiencing, whilst uncommon, is perfectly normal. I am so glad I joined this forum. Respect and love to all those who have taken or are taking the path of transition x

            2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #116956

      Thank you  for  expressing your feelings  so  magnificently.

      I felt  the same way  you did.

      But  as the  days,  weeks  go  by,  i am accepting  my new found  self  more  and  more

      Just  wished I was  younger,  to  enjoy  everything I missed

      Hugs and kisses phillysis

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #116957
        Vanessa V
        FREE

        <p style=”text-align: left;”>Oh Phillysis, thank you so much for your kind words. This is the first time anyone apart from my partner knows about and has commented on my feelings. It feels both lovely and huge and so very very validating.</p>
         

        Thank you again

         

        With love, Vanessa xx

        • #116958

          Thank you for your kind words.

          I never thought I was¬† trans,¬† only¬† enjoyed¬† wearing¬† women’s clothes

          But after  taking care of my mother for 17 years and then she  passed away 3 years ago at  101 years  young.

          As the days  passed,  I  hardly  did anything  but  something  was  building up  in  me

          Till  phillysis  finally  emerged.

          Then as phillysis  began to  enjoy the world,  and began to  dress  and  explore  her femininity.

          Phillysis  has become  stronger    as the days  and weeks  went by.

          Phillysis  has  now taken over,  and I  feel  more female than male

          Relax and enjoy  yourself.

          Good luck in your  transition

          My best to you

          Hugs and kisses phillysis

          3 users thanked author for this post.
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