Suddenly Melancholy

[Danielle Fox]

Hello Ladies,

I was just sending a reply to a friend when I realized something has been happening to me when I think of where I want my journey to end and who I want with me the rest of the way. Some situations in life can be handled quickly and efficiently while others are slow and tedious. The real difference is what you are trying to achieve for the outcome, the complexity of the situation, and the persons involved. For most, the situations are so similar as to be boilerplate. That is to say similar as to be a template to follow. There are other situations that are so different as to be very unique. They are all relevant and very real for everyone involved and all so very personal to have such an effect on a mind, body, and soul that transcends anything else that they have been through in life. However, there is one scenario that I wish to post about and questions for anyone who wishes to answer.

My scenario is this; I am married to an amazing woman who has filled my life with such joy which neither of my two ex wives came close to. She has evolved my spirit where I am not the same person that I was 7 years ago. She knows that I crossdress  and that I have been doing this for the 44 years prior to meeting and telling her about it. She understands the guilt, shame, anger, and regret which has filled my soul for 51 years to this past June when I accepted who and what I should be. I should have been born female! I should be female! I am a woman in my mind, heart, and soul! That is who and what I should be. My wife had her world turned upside down by my simple request to talk about the future of Danielle and it hasn’t gotten any easier for her. I have been struggling with a decision and choices for my future but not spent much thought or time with my wife’s future, except that I do not want to lose her. My future that I wish to have is HRT and potentially GRS and not lose my wife over it or in spite of it.

My struggle with this situation and our future is three fold. 1] stay at the level of crossdressing as it is right now, with an addition to my wardrobe and accessories, and stay married to my wife. 2] move on to HRT and most likely lose my wife. There is a small possibility she will stay. 3] move on to HRT and lose my wife which then we progress to GRS, move somewhere in the PAC NW and start anew.

Relevance to the post; whenever I start to think and try to work through all of this I get so very suddenly melancholy and I cry with no trigger other than what’s happening with our future.

Questions; were you melancholy, every time you thought about a decision, when at the crossroads of the decision?

Was there a SO who you had to consider in your decision process?

Did your SO step out of your marriage gracefully during this process?

Thank you so much again for reading a book. TTFN with hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ 💋👠

Danielle Rose

[Dame Veronica Graunwolf]

My dear Danielle. Girl, my heart aches for you. It is obvious that your struggle has gone on for so long and it is killing you. With such turmoil and conviction…….I see no other choice for you but to transgender. If you don’t you will self destruct and take your s/o with you….that would not be fair to her. Sit down with her…..tell her everything and about your mental state. Sometimes our destiny is one werein you will travel alone….such as mine is. Always remember….I am here for you….you are a much loved member of my Wolfpack.

Love…..

Dame Veronica

[𝓜𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓒𝓁ℴℯ́ 💋💋]

Danielle, I had to make these choices and still have to deal with the melancholy feelings.  But I already knew how crippling they can be if I dwelled in them.  This was something I had dealt with before coming out to her the second time.  Baby steps with your wife has worked for others, but sadly I am an example where it did not work.  We’re in the process of finishing the divorce and have been able to keep it amicable for the most part.  We both still profess to love each other, but it was very clear that there would be no reconciliation once she knew I needed to transition.  Veronica is right, the community and girls of the Heaven sites are here to support.

Cloe

[Danielle Fox]

Cloe that is sad to hear you are divorcing even if amicably. I went through a bad divorce and an amicable one. Neither were easy and only in the first there any blame for the divorce. Not on my end and things got so screwed up and I got screwed over horrendously. But that is a story for another book on this site, bwahahahahahahahaha! This was what I felt as my last chance at happiness and companionship for the rest of my life but my inner soul had other ideas. And so I take it one day at a time and try to be patient. A melancholy mind is tough and makes for a long day. No pep or happy pills will work as I realize this is something we all deal with at one time or another. With the support of my sisters here, I removed my account from CDH over an argument, this support will pull myself out of this hole and hopefully keep me above the threshold of despair. Only time will tell about my mental state and my marriage. Bless all of the ladies here for their support, bless Vanessa for her strength to start these sites and bless you both for being here with your help and supporting love. I am so lucky to have found CDH and here as a result. The other sites are not nearly as supportive and friendly as these. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗 💋👠

Danielle

[Danielle Fox]

Oh Veronica,

Dear I do know that if I have a meltdown she will be hit harder than I. If I could move forward but not hurt her I would be there in the doctors office for HRT . I have bad days and I have good days. I am trying my best to be patient and go through the counseling first for myself and then as a couple. She is in counseling too so that has helped her. Couples counseling will make or break us is what I am thinking. It’s going to take a few more months until we get to couples counseling, say November and by the end of the year we should know which way we will go. I apologize for being a doom sayer, with gloom and melancholy posts. Today is better than yesterday morning. I still have moments during the day where I want to run away and be incognito and begin anew. My wife is my bond to being here and happy for the most part. So I try to be patient and if everything moves forward the way I believe it will by the end of the year I will know one way or another. Your support is keeping me sane or saner than I would have been at this point😁. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗 💋👠

Danielle

 

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