Therapy time/

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #102332
    Stephanie Mac
    Participant

    Hi.

    I am more than questioning my gender and have since I was 13.  I am 39 now and would love to dress more and do it completely.  However, I have a wife and three kids and no real time.  My family doesn’t know my feelings either.  I feel trapped.  I have grown my hair to its longest length ever, which is medium length, dense, coarse and curly.  My wife gave me a compliment on it the other day saying I was having a good hair day and it felt amazing.  She bought some products for it and they are out of the female hair isle and I love that.  However everytime I see a woman I am checking how she put herself together and my heart breaks wishing I were her.

    I am working up the nerve to tell my wife I want to go to therapy for anxiety, I feel I am irritated all the time, short with kids and just not happy.  I am hesitant to tell her I really want to go because I am questioning my gender.  I don’t want to put more anxiety on her than I have to.

    Thoughts??

    I feel I need therapy to confirm my thoughts and if that leads to transition to be happy, that is what I will do…I want to be happy and the best I can for family.  On that note, how long does it usually take to confirm Gender Dysphoria?  I feel it’s eating me from the inside.  My insurance will cover some procedures but being diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria is a prerequisite.

    Thanks,

    Stephanie

     

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    Replies
    • #102386

      Stephanie, I know how you feel and yes we all should seek therapy, hell my last few posts here I think had some of the admins trying to track my address to put me on a suicide watch. I can not tell you which way is the best way to start I can only tell you what I did. I first came out to my wife, and she has been helping me deal with this encouraging me to be me, and even to seek out others who are dealing with the same things I am. I mean hell she is even a member here to help support me, in that I know I was lucky.  Not everyone will support you, but you will never know until you give them the chance. Your wife may be hurt and feel that you have been lying to her all these years. Or she may say well that explains a lot let’s go shopping I wanna see you in heels.

       

      Like the kitty, cat poster says Hang in there.  You are not alone on this path.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #102384

      Stephanie,

      I didn’t tell my wife what I was doing for at least a month after I started seeing a psychologist.  I felt that her response would be to tell me NO!, your crazy, etc.  Which is kind of how she has dealt with me on many occasions.  I actually never told her, she discovered my transgender research on the computer.

      She acted hurt that I didn’t trust her with this aspect of myself.  Maybe I lost an opportunity to start my journey with her at my side, maybe it was a way to control the eventual outcome.  My wife is some what distant from me now, and I don’t know if telling her early on would have made a difference; one thing about yesterday is that it is done & gone.

      Good luck in how you decide how t approach this.  One or two visits to a psychologist will help you find a path to travel, a first few steps in some direction.

      Love

      Lukcia

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #102367

      I just went to a therapist for the first time and it helped a lot.  Please do that…start there.  I’m in the same position but a few years older. Just talking with someone and knowing that they will help you put together a plan calms oneself. Best of luck

       

      carole

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #102378

        Thanks Carole.

        I have found some research and have been to transgender support chat.   My history coupled with being aware how just pronouns make me feel seem to all point to Transgender.  I have accepted I can’t outrun these feelings and know they won’t go away.  I have told myself I am a woman and I am Trans and it makes me smile.

        Then I think, this can’t be but others stories sound so familiar and that gender dysphoria doesn’t discriminate.  I need to talk to a therapist and am contemplating what/when to tell my wife.  Lately I have been thinking I should just tell her… I am dealing with something I thought would go away but hasn’t, and it’s severely affecting my sleep and giving me anxiety.  I am questioning my gender and I need to talk to a therapist for my sanity.

        Thanks for listening and advice.

        Stephanie

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #102362

      I strongly think you need to seek a mental health professional right away. Call your local Woman’s Health Clinic, they usually have a transgender specialist on staff.  You need to do this to obtain the “self” & “happiness” you desire.

      First: You need help of a professional psychologist that specializes transgender woman issues.

      There is a concept called “medical necessity”, where one’s health is in danger without medical intervention.

      Second: Figure out what might happen next. I was undoing my whole life in self-destructive behaviors, I was ruining my marriage, I was collapsing my finances, and I was dead inside. Maybe I was suicidal, but building towards it slowly. I could easily gone there.

      Get help. Not just here, but from medical professionals. I have been all the way out for eight months now, and many people still don’t really believe it; It doesn’t matter… I believe it right down to my pink panties.

      I HAVE HELP! THAT HELP HAS BEEN CRITICAL!! I WAS ON THE WAY TO BECOMING SUICIDAL!

      Yes, my life is very different then it was eight months ago, but I am no longer dead inside, no longer suicidal, and I am happy to be me as I discover all that that me is.

      I am Lukcia Patricia Sullivan

      2 users thanked author for this post.
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