Tips on dropping hints

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #99917
    Stephanie Mac
    Participant

    Hi.  Deep down I have had feelings of wanting to be a girl/woman since I was 12.  I am married with 3 kids and am looking for advice on how to and what hints to drop to my wife that I am severly questioning my gender an need to go to therapy.

    I don’t feel comfortable just sayingI am Trans and want to be a woman to my wife without really knowing it.

    I let my hair grow during the pandemic and had an appointment to get it cut in a few days and canceled it (and felt relieved after I did).  I am really liking my long curly locks.  I had my wife put it in a mini “man” bun and she smiled and I think she likes it.  She sent it to her sisters.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    Stephanie

    4 users thanked author for this post.
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  • Author
    Replies
    • #100941
      Lufia
      FREE

      Stephanie, I certainly would not ‘force’ things if those are not true feelings, or situations, or whatever. But certainly don’t hide things either. If a part in a movie brings you to tears, don’t hide it like ‘males are supposed to do’. If you see something that looks nicely decorated somewhere, point it out to her. After awhile, she will pick up on these and start to wonder. Then as more of you shows, she will have a better realization. Simple things can go a really log way. Michelle

      Though she put it more eloquently than I did, that it essentially what I was saying. Just expose them to the real you a little bit at a time. Eventually they will start to ask questions. If you take your time and expose them slowly, it will not be as much of a shock to them when you do come out, and you are likely to get a more favorable reaction. Letting your guard down and letting them into your world is the hardest thing to do, especially if you have been hiding it for a long time. I am still struggling with that myself. The thing I have had to remember is that I can’t hide it forever. They will eventually find out anyway, and I am just making myself miserable in the process, so I might as well condition them to reality. Gaining the self confidence to be yourself takes time. You have to remember that this will be just as difficult for your family as it has been for you, so you have to take it slowly and give them time to process things as well. Don’t try to force it before it is time.

    • #100909
      Lufia
      FREE

      I am 39, and have presented publicly as a heterosexual straight acting man my entire life, though I have always felt like a woman on the inside. I have not come out to my family completely yet, but I have been slowly preparing them for it for the last several years. I have worn women’s undergarments exclusively for 20 years, but kept it completely hidden until several years ago, before I started “accidentally” having a thong slip here or there. Eventually they got over that. Then I grew my hair out and began shaving my body hair. Eventually they started noticing that I shaved my legs, but we eventually got passed it. Over time, I have begun to gradually feminize the way I dress. I wear the most feminine looking men’s clothing I can find, or masculine looking women’s clothing. The question of whether I am gay has come up several times, but I haven’t addressed it. I have gradually started dropping hints that I am different. Though I haven’t come out and said it yet, I think my family has begun to accept that I am different, even though they don’t exactly know what that difference is yet. I have done this over several years, and I don’t put anything more than what they can handle on them at any given time. I try to do what is best for me, while also being respectful of them. The time has come for me to tell them, and so I will be doing it relatively soon. I know this was a long diatribe, but what I am saying is that you should take your time and do it gradually. You have waited for years, so there is no need to rush now. How quickly you do it depends on the tempermant and beliefs of your family members, as well as your own needs. The more time you give them to acclimate themselves to this change, the more favorable their reaction will be.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #99943

      Hi Stephanie…

      Make an appointment to see a therapist specializing in gender related issues. Tell your wife that you are going to see a therapist. See will obviously ask questions… sit her down and tell her how you feel. You will feel so much better after you have told her…

      I’m growing out my hair also… still short yet though. Will definitely look different… my hair is all grey now. Had long hair in my 20’s… however, I started a job where it was not ideal to have long hair (31 y/o). So… chop, chop, chop. Have had short hair ever since… am 57 y/o now.

      Love,

      Gen ❤

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #99934
      Michelle Larsen
      AMBASSADOR

      Stephanie, I certainly would not ‘force’ things if those are not true feelings, or situations, or whatever. But certainly don’t hide things either. If a part in a movie brings you to tears, don’t hide it like ‘males are supposed to do’. If you see something that looks nicely decorated somewhere, point it out to her. After awhile, she will pick up on these and start to wonder. Then as more of you shows, she will have a better realization. Simple things can go a really log way. Michelle

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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