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Everything seems to be going my way right now. I should be very happy, but instead I’m increasingly nervous. I’m not used to getting the things I want..the things that are going to make me happy. And when I do get them, it’s usually just a prequel to something horrible coming my way. So far everyone I’ve told about Jessica has been very supportive. Things seem to be going my way with counselors, doctors…all that. I even told my girlfriend because she’s wanting something a lot more serious, and all she said was “Oh, Jessica that’s great! I’ll have the best of both worlds. And I want you to be happy!” I should be very happy..and I am. But I’m also so afraid it’s going to all come crashing down any moment. I’m sorry sisters…I know this is attention seeking behavior. I just need someone to tell me I’m over-thinking and it’s gonna be OK. In my life, when something has seemed too good to be true, it’s because it IS. Thank you all for listening. đź’‹
đź’• – Jessica
Wow Jess, your GF saying she’s excited about your journey is HUGE!! I am so thrilled for you both. As long as the communication stays open you will have the best of boith worlds, too!
Will there be challenges as you go? Absolutely.But you said it right – don’t overthink. Jesus said “tommorrow will take care of itself”. Sounds like pretty wise advice for all of us, eh?
Hugs,
Brie
Hey, Jessi.
I’ve been at this for 6 decades, so yes, I’m officially old. I can tell you that most of us transitioning have been in the same place that you are now. PLEASE, PLEASE stick with your therapy. You WILL need much support, and you’ll get nothing but love from us here at TGH.
I am SO excited for you personally. I too have a wonderfully supportive spouse who is helping me through this journey. I insisted that she too be involved with counseling. This journey has ups and downs for all involved.
I was initially heartbroken with one of your posts a couple of days ago, but I fully expected that you were going to get much more professional support than you thought… as you subsequently posted!
Love your life. Love your journey. And YES, don’t overthink and overly fret. Brie is spot on. We WILL all be “ok”, and we will all be with you. Again, this community here at TGH is here for all of us! And, we love you too, Jessi!
Dee
Aww…that was sweet. And yes, Brie is very helpful to me. I love her. I love you all. This is what I knew I would get out of this post..I just didn’t know how to get it all into perspective. I just got out of bed..haven’t even finished my 1st cup of coffee, and already smiling ear to ear. Thank you all.. đź’‹
đź’• – Jessi!
Jessica:
There is an oft used phrase:
Live In The Moment…
Personally, I’ve always taken that to mean thinking about what is directly in front of us. We can’t change the past and focusing on tomorrow too much takes energy from the present. There is another phrase:
Worry Robs Today Of Its Strength…
Thanks Dee Ann…that’s a good way of looking at things as well. If I am always worried I will be to afraid to do the things that will make me happy. đź’‹
đź’• – Jessica
Hi Jessica ,
I can totally relate to what you are saying when thing seem to just fall into place . Nothing more then that feeling of being on top of the world only to have it come crashing down . Spent part of my life curled up in ball so I wouldn’t have to face the world . I developed the attitude why bother which only sent me further down the rabbit hole with out any carrots for comfort . It wasn’t until I started changing my way of looking at the situation and taking action for me to get past that . Fear is a powerful tool , it can save us from danger , it can control our very foundation , but we can also use it to learn and grow giving us a better understand of ourselves . Embrace who you are , love yourself but most of all forgive yourself and you see more then just a light at the end of the tunnel , but a whole world within .
Alexis
I hope I’m past the little ball part..I definitely spent actually MOST of life that way.. Just a sense of impending doom I guess…lol. But I can see what you are saying and that makes sense..sometimes failure isn’t failure, it’s a door closing so another can open. Right. Thank you Lexi. đź’‹
đź’• – Jessica
Jessica , that is right , doors open and close all the time on us and we are the ones who chose which ones to enter . There is no guarantee on what is on the other side of any door . Letting go as we enter we at least don’t go in blindfolded and will have a clearer path . Give yourself time , you aren’t alone in your journey . Now stand up in the middle of the room , give yourslef a hug and say how much you love you !
Alexis
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