Transgender or Non-Cis Woman

This topic contains 13 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Amanda XCX 1 week, 2 days ago.

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #18044

    DeAnn Burden
    Participant

    While I agree that short, plain explanations are what works best, my experience has shown that the explanations given around gender dysphoria are not as accurate as they need to be.  I am not transgender.  You (all inclusive you) are not transgender.  We have a medical condition called gender dysphoria.  The ICD 10 and DSM list gender dysphoria as a medical condition.  This has been proven.  Continuing use of the term transgender is not accurate, and carries past prejudices and stigmas with it.  I am also not “Switchgender”.  My gender was determined while I was in the womb.  Unfortunately (to society at large and our culture) my gender did not correspond to my physical sex.  Not my fault, nor my choice.  Medical research has not yet determined a specific cause for gender dysphoria, but it has determined that individuals who have this condition have brains that have developed to the gender opposite their sex.  An Australian study for example, showed that in individuals who were gender dysphoric, approximately 20 chromosomes showed significant variances from the same chromosomes in individuals who were not gender dysphoric.

    In any reference or discussion to “transgender” I have seen in media, there is practically no reference made to the medical aspects.  It doesn’t have to be an in-depth discussion, I have found when I explain to people that basically all I have to cover is that it is a medical condition, possible causes of the condition and reiterating that this was the way I was born, it’s not a choice.

    I was not born transgender.  I was born with a body that has the physical characteristic of one sex, and a gender of the opposite.  Sex is what’s between your legs, Gender is what’s between your ears and in your heart.

    This is turning into a fascinating discussion.  I wish more people would add their 2 cents and then maybe we can make it up to a dollar.  Peace and love.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
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  • #22395
     Amanda XCX 
    Participant

    FREE

    This seems to be a great topic and I love some of the replies I’m hoping to get some good advice from you all. I feel kind of funny even asking others to tell me what “I am” but I always feel so different from most of your stories that I can relate to very few.

    I was born with male parts but even at an early age I felt what society says are female things. I was attracted to females as any boy but not just sexually liking them also feeling like them. This really got painfully worse when I hit puberty.I wasn’t obese , maybe thick at times but I was a guy… a guy developing breasts! Breasts like any girl my age that I tried desperately to hide! Tight shirts under looser layering under button down.. I was a master

    Bra’s were the first thing I wore…but because I had boobs and was curious about them.Boobs are for girls why do I have some?  And NO I don’t NEED to wear a bra for comfort or support! To me this is one of the biggest BS excuses guys use I feel to justify dressing in female clothes. A bra is nice if i’m in a bumpy situation so I don’t have to ride with one arm across my chest but other then that todays bra’s are to make breasts more noticeable and draw attention to them.  This led to other things wondering how I’d look if I had to wear a dress and look like a girl.

    I don’t care how male a guy thinks he is, if you had a magic wand and while he was sleeping gave him a nice 38C chest to wake up to and a nice padded female rear he’d be questioning himself in the mirror for a long time once he came to the realization they were now his to keep. That being said I’ve never had chromosome tests but I did have hormone tests done that revealed what I always knew super low T and elevated E lvls.

    There’s no doubt in my mind that E can make a male have more female thoughts so to say then if he had normal low lvls. I’ve gone through T therapy and it didn’t change my E or T counts it actually made them worse!

    I really feel I could be just as happy as male or female but just want to be 100% of either not some of each… and it’s not just a female feeling like most say they have that feels normal so they are transgenders .Everyday when I look down or sit down I know i’m different then what a genetic male is supposed to be… I’m terrified of surgery which could correct the breast issue, but what about the hormones… will those female sort of thoughts slowly disappear if i’m not looking down and feeling female breasts? I guess I was male first but nature felt the need to give me 2 of the main physical traits that people quickly visualize as female identification…. whats a guy/girl to do?

    It’s actually silly with all my demons that I worry about how to identify myself…so help are there others like me here? am I a non-compliant/non-consensual Transgender non-cis woman? What do others like me do?

  • #20212
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    …Is your reply more Existentialism or metaphysical? …

    I have no idea, LOL. It’s Cloéism I suppose.  I’m blessed/cursed with an analytical brain and just used logic and deductive reasoning.  My therapist loved it.

    Desperately convergent female in Virginia seeks an amazing surgeon to fix her brith defects and broken nose.

    Hugs, Cloe

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #20279
       Danielle Fox 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Cloe,

      If only it was classified as a birth defect. But then insurance would say that’s cosmetic surgery.”heavy sigh”, dann bean counters.

      Love❤Danielle💋👠

  • #20206
     Melanie Taylor 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hi DeAnne, hi everyone

    I find this a very interesting topic and is making me think I should have paid more attention in my psychology classes!

    Back when I was in a relationship, my partner would often ask me, right out of the blue “what are you?”, not who are you? I never had a ready answer and still don’t. All I know is that I was born in a male body but my thoughts, feelings, heart and soul were at odds with how a boy was expected to behave by my parents and society at large. I was punished for expressing my female likes and behaviour but no one could stop those feelings or thoughts.

    I was also asked “are you a cross dresser?”; this time I’m on firmer ground and emphatically said “NO”. I wear the clothes I feel happiest and most comfortable in; ones that my mind and heart are telling me are “right”. I would have to wear male clothes to cross dress now and I don’t want to.

    I hate labels and so tell people that I am ME, Melanie. That my body is transitioning to match who I am inside due to a mistake in being born with a non-matching body. I feel female, always have done and am in a much better place now than when I wad struggling to live up to expectations and live a male life.

    Now I have accepted Melanie, I feel like a lot of the burden of stress has been lifted, that I am no longer living a lie. It will be a long journey, full of ups and downs along the way but it feels less daunting now to realise that I’m not alone. I have you, my sisters, to share what ever life throws at us. So glad I found this site, I can let go of my painful past memories in my former male life and stride forward as a woman.

    Love and hugs from Melaniexxx

  • #20158
     Leslie Hall 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hi everyone, i don’t care what or how many laws are changed or passed , i will always be the person i am. I think the law makers had better take notice at how many Transgender[or what ever anyone wishes to call us] in mind, we vote.I was surprised at the number of Trans on this sight alone.How many of us are there world wide? I am this female person, maybe not on the outside but inside and the brain controls the rest of the body.I have friends who are not Trans friendly , neighbors and some who say they are , i feel like sometimes i am being pulled apart. Please realize feeling this way is not being a bad person, the support here is what gets me through , the world is so harsh sometimes , friends make it survivable . We must stick together and support each other , we will always be here ,till death does us part. I feel very lucky to have all of you to talk to or just to listen to. I love you all  Leslie

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #20065
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    First of all, I am me and I am who and what I am, human.  This challenge given by DeAnn really made me dig deep. Thank you, sister.  With my IT background I chose to use data decomposition techniques used for database design (I know TMI, so I’ll stop here because this rabbit hole runs deep) to sort through my thoughts.

    I know my gender is female.  I know my sex is currently male.  I’m also, in the absence of testing, sure my genetics are male.  What drives me is that I am gender dominant, not sex dominant and cannot stand the fact that there is an incongruence. This is my dysphoria.  This is why I am transitioning.

    To better portray to the world how I feel about my current state and direction, I considered the following.  The word convergent is defined astending to move toward one point or to approach each other.  This is what I am doing.  I’m moving toward a coherent gender and sex.  I like it even more when I consider it does not indicate which of these two aspects of my humanity is moving.  Am I changing my gender? No, my gender is still the same it has been since birth.  Am I changing my sex?  That’s debatable.  I can change my body, but I can never change my DNA with todays science.  As a sidebar, this may actually be food for thought – do we need to abstract the physical from the genetic embodiment in our discourse of who we are?  So I do not ever see being able to reach the gender, sex, genetic trifecta of being female at which point I could just call myself female with no helper adjectives to describe myself.

    So, in these constructs I am a female gendered, female convergent transexual, genetic male.  Good  luck getting anyone to comprehend that in this instant gratification society. But, I really do think I could live with the following and like DeAnn asked, what do you think?

    “a convergent female in the transgender spectrum”

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #20118
       Danielle Fox 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Cloe! Nice reply! Is your reply more Existentialism or metaphysical? I sometimes get them confused. However I do love your reply. So anyone who is running away from who they are, in this context, would be divergent. Lol, you explained yourself very well and I had not thought about digging that deep into the realization of self. If you’ve watched Wayne’s World you will remember when they met Alice Cooper. That was the best scene although a bit dorky. Anyway sis awesome reply. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
      Danielle 💋👠

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #20014
     Danielle Fox 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hey Cloe, yes that is true only the ICD libraries would need updating and testing. Ensuring the coding matches the diagnosis and billing and that all ancillary software receives the correct diagnosis and codes too. With the work behind upgrading software in a Hospital environment there is always a lot of testing and pre production which makes the upgrade a major project requiring months of prep and working with the vendor to ensure the upgrade goes smoothly. The amount of $ spent would be in the hundreds of thousands maybe as little as $100k per hospital medical facility and insurance company. All of that expense to roll back the discrimination policy by the current administration in the White House. Anyway this could be a serious burden to smaller medical and insurance
    Professionals. Love ❤️ Danielle 💋👠

  • #19988
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR

    Hi Deann, thank you for your article. This is a subject of correct naming and yes…….opinions change fairly often as we learn more about DNA and Chromosoms. I have studied this phenomenon back thru the first binary cell division up to the building blocks,hard wiring (programming of basic survival and operations parameters) of the brain and environmental impact of added data, until we are about 17. Fascinating stuff but hard to explain to those who have no experience with Physics. For me to add much more will take pages which most people won’t grasp anyway. Environmental effects have changed chromosomes in the early stages and what we are seeing is xx, xy, xxx, xxy xyy. building blocks. This affects the brain and physical wiring in utero. 3 months in our “sex is determined”, the genitilia can be male or female presenting with the brain having different parameters resulting in a human form that presents one way but basic thinks in the opposite….hence eventually coming up as a preferred opposite…ie……cross dressing, transgendering, gay, lesbian and so on. I bet anyone reading this is well confused by now.

    Each generation coins a new phrase to describe a humans “presentation”……no wonder confusion exists. Sorry….I rambled on for about a dimes worth there. If anyone wants a further in depth most likely explanation….I can go one on one over the private chat line or my private e-mail. To truly know ones future and current configuration, one must know ones past. Genetics, Psychology/Psychiatry  and Medical topics need to be read and studied….believe me …..it is a hard study but fascinating.

    Dame Veronica

    Dame Veronica Graunwolf

  • #19965
     Cloe (CC) Webb 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    Hi DeAnn,
    …All medical and medical billing software uses the ICD so all software would have to be replaced if the current administration gets this passed as law!…

    Not to detarct from your main point, but the software wouldn’t have to be replaced, just the libraries of ICD codes that would be impacted.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #19948
     Danielle Fox 
    Participant

    SILVER

    Hi DeAnn,
    You do bring up a valid point and I have also read that the ICD11 has been released and modified – excerpt from a psychology today article;
    The ICD-11 uses the term gender incongruence instead of the DSM-5 term gender dysphoria or the now-out-of-favor ICD-10 term transsexualism. Beyond the name change, the huge shift in ICD-11 is that gender incongruence is no longer classified as a mental disorder. However, it’s important to realize that gender incongruence has not been removed from the ICD-11. It has simply been relocated from the mental disorders section to a new section on conditions related to sexual health that also includes sexual dysfunctions and sexual pain disorders. The idea is to destigmatize gender incongruence and highlight it as a strictly medical, rather than psychological, issue. Of course, debate continues over whether gender incongruence/dysphoria should be a diagnosable condition at all—but with access to hormone therapies and gender confirmation surgery typically requiring a gender incongruence/dysphoria diagnosis, transgender advocacy groups such as the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) support maintaining such a diagnosis in ICD-11, especially given its reclassification as a condition related to sexual health.
    This paragraph explains how I feel and even though I use transgender in my vocabulary I am not crossing genders. I am not male inside! I am female! My sexual genitals noted at birth made me male according to my birth certificate.
    I do agree that our condition is difficult to describe and I also agree that we were pre-wired in the womb. I did not choose my sex but I did choose my gender at a young age of 7!
    I am hopeful that this change to the ICD will torpedo that idiot in the White House and his bigoted plans. This is crucial for all of us that his changes not be made law. Since almost every hospital, medical facility, doctors office, and insurance company use these codes for billing and diagnostic reasons any change in law will go against all of the current processes which have been in place since 2015. All medical and medical billing software uses the ICD so all software would have to be replaced if the current administration gets this passed as law!
    Henceforth I will use gender identity instead of transgender. My gender identity is female and proud of it. Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
    Danielle💋👠

  • #18088
     Jasmine 
    Managing Ambassador

    MANAGING AMBASSADOR

    Instead of deleting your reply, I rather give its own Platform DeAnn Burben. Your explanation has been something that I have been thinking about since I received your message the other day. I would like to know how others feel, is your explanation about being a non cis woman more acceptable than being referred to as transgender.

    I am not in counseling at the moment, and this is something that troubles me every day, how do I accurately address myself. When I accepted that I was more than what my body says, Transgender was easiest for my to understand and yet harder to explain to others. And no here and now, I see your explanation could be a more suitable explanation. But I need more time to think on this but would like to see what others have to say about this.

     

    **HUGS**

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #20204
       Melanie Taylor 
      Participant

      SILVER

      Hi DeAnne, hi everyone

      I find this a very interesting topic and is naking me think I should have paid more attention in my psychology classes!

      Back when I was in a relationship, my partner would often ask me, right out of the blue “what are you?”, not who are you? I bevver had a ready answer and still don’t. All I know is that I was born in a male body but my thoughts, feelings, heart and soul were at odds with how a boy was expected to behave by my parents and society at large. I was punished for expressing my female likes and behaviour but no one could stop those feelings or thoughts.

      I was also asked “are you a cross dresser?”; this time I’m on firmer ground and emphatically said “NO”. I wear the clothes I feel happiest and most comfortable in; ones that my mind and heart are telling me are “right”. I would have to wear male clotbes to cross dress now and I don’t want to.

      I hate labels and so tell people that I am ME, Melanie. That my body is transitioning to match who I am inside due to a mistake in being born with a non-matching body. I feel female, always have done and am in a much bettet place now than when I wad struggling to live up to expectations and live a male life.

      Now I have accepted Melanie, I feel like a lot of the burden of stress has been lifted, that I am no longer living a lie. It will be a long journey, full of ups and downs along the way but it feels less daunting now to realise that I’m not alone. I have you, my sisters, to share what ever life throws at us. So glad I found this site, I can let go of my painful past memories in my former male life and stride forward as a woman.

      Love and hugs from Melaniexxx

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