Transitioning after age 60


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    • #135967

      Hello, Dani here. I’m new to this website, and I’ve just begun HRT at age 74(!). It’s been a long time coming.

      I’m interested in conversation with others  who might be in a similar situation. Back in the late 90s I started some counseling to address gender issues. That was helpful, and the result of those sessions was greater acceptance of my own feelings as well as a better level of communication and acceptance with my spouse. I’ve now been married for over 50 years to a woman I love and like a lot.
      About a year ago I began another series of counseling sessions. I really had no idea that I was headed to a decision about HRT and transition, but here I am. My friends have been overwhelmingly supportive and even encouraging. My spouse not so much.
      I’ve come to think that my gender dysphoria has basically been the repression of my gender identity and expression in which I have been fully complicit.
      I’m in a transitional stage of life. I just retired after a career of 47 years as a corporate lawyer (think “white shoe” lawyer in big firm – although my career has been in Western NY and not NYC). My professional career was always carried out right along acceptable lines. I’ve raised 3 beautiful daughters (and I’ve often thought that if there is a god, it was planned that I should have daughters and not sons). I have a great-niece who is transgender (at age 16) who has inspired me. I have. 6 year old grandson who loves wearing princess dresses and who inspires me.
      It’s probably important that I take things slow even though I don’t want to. I value and cherish my marriage and want to continue my relationship with my spouse until the very end. Nonetheless, I’m ready (I think) to grow old as a woman or actually as a transgender person with feminine expressions.
      im interested in meeting others and talking about this journey we are on.


    • #135968


      You are 6 years older than me chronologically but our stories are very similar. I practiced medicine and repressed much, having responsibilities to my wife, children, work, and home. I’ve been retired since around 2017. In the last few years I could no longer suppress my desire to be a woman without sacrificing happiness and being preoccupied with thoughts of being one. I am now five days away from my genital surgery, as long as nothing serves to cancel the surgery such as Covid.

      Feel free to friend me if you wish. I may learn from you and you from me.🙂



      • #135969

        JAKe, I’d like to “friend” you and to communicate further. Amazing that this connection could be made so quickly!

        I met with a (presumably) trans-friendly surgeon just recently. I wanted to schedule an orchiectomy asap. He said no for now, no for 6 months from now, and maybe no in a year. He is on the old SOC path of having me live as a woman for a year first because the surgery is “permanent.” I wanted to avoid taking spironolactone. So… I’ve just started on spiro last week. I have one other appointment with a surgeon and other recommendations for this. At the same time, it’s maybe better for me to go way slower than I might want because it’s important for me to maintain ( maybe improve?) my relationship with my spouse who I love, respect, and like living with.
        You could email me directly at

        [email protected]


        • #136075
          Dana Munson

          Hi, Dani. I’ve been studying your thread here with interest!  I started living as a woman 24/7 last July, immediately after coming out to my doctors, friends and family (and getting universal support).  My endocrinologist prescribed spiro straight off, saying that my age (69) mandated a slow approach toward full HRT.  On his time schedule, I should be getting an orchi sometime mid-year 2023.  Once the source of the nasty “T” is purged, he will prescribe actual hormones – on a lower than “usual” dosage, since there will be zero “T” to compete against.  Those are his conditions – again, driven by my age – for him prescribing HRT at all. He has never mentioned any “live in the role for a year” requirement, although I have heard that is an “old school” requirement, still invoked in some places. In any case, if my orchi happens this summer, as I hope, I will have been living as Dana for about a year.

          In case you’re curious, I have had absolutely NO “bad” reactions to the spiro. If anything, I feel a bit of joy each day swallowing those pills, knowing I am just that little bit closer to being the “she” I want to be.  OK, I guess I should mention that spiro is a diuretic, which either your doctor told you or you have already discovered for yourself. Having to pee a bit more frequently is, to me, a very small inconvenience (electrolysis is orders of magnitude more trying!).

          • #136394

            Thanks for sharing your story.   I am just a few years behind you in age and began fumbling my way towards some level of transition maybe a decade ago.   My clumsy attempt to come out to my (then) wife did not work as well as I had hoped (major understatement).   The subsequent attempted retreat was equally unsuccessful and we parted ways.

            Over the past five years I have gradually made what I suppose would be termed “social transition”.   Since I am single now and semi-retired, I have considerable freedom to live as I choose.   I moved to a small resort community four years ago and have gradually been reintroducing myself as a woman.

            However, My professional identity and my family interactions remain almost exclusively as a male.   I may have to continue this balancing act for the foreseeable future, but even so, I feel very good about my life.

            I hope you can arrive at some sort of understanding with your wife!

          • #136407

            I am 71, have declared transgender woman with good family and friends response. For myself, no looking back, boy me is going out replaced by very welcome girl. Boy clothes gathered and gone, refuse to wear anything male. The past 2 months I have been using Transfemme products for my breast enlargement, which is working, and general estrogen development.   Estrogen in blood stream is mid point on measurement scale. My end goals are, be woman, have gender affirmation surgery. Even now, everything is female based. When  prescribed estrogen  begins I will insist on direct beginning because of Transfemme use. It’s been great.





      • #136067

        Good luck in surgery hon
        hugs, Jill

        • #136070


          I’m lying in my hospital bed after having my surgery yesterday.

          The surgery, from my estimation, probably took four to five hours. Since I was put to sleep, I don’t remember anything except taking deep breath from a mask before they started. For me, the night was miserable. I don’t blame anyone for it, but I was required to stay in bed flat on my back.  Pain was not severe but I felt dull pressure-like pain. I had a narcotic pump to help relieve the pain, but the positioning combined with the pressure made my night very long.

          I don’t get to change that position today except they want me to stand a few minutes, but only once today.

          I guess I’m telling you this because for those who haven’t had the bottom surgery yet, it’s not a walk in the park.

          I’m staying positive.  I know I will get better soon.🙂

          • #136074
            Dana Munson

            Thanks for the report, JAKe.  And best wishes for a quick healing process! I will be getting an orchi later this year (endo’s requirement, due to my age, before he will prescribe hormones – am on blockers currently). That will start my “clock” ticking towards bottom surgery. Want it so bad I can almost taste it . . . but we have to play by the doctors’ rules (sigh).

          • #136444


            Thanks for the well-wishes. I’m home now. The recuperation in the hospital was not a picnic for me. I thought it would be easier. My course was complicated by my type 1 diabetes, receiving the steroid decadron at surgery, and reluctance of a couple of nurses to give me the dose of insulin which I felt I needed as opposed to what the orders were. My bowels gave me fits, too. I had a lot of gas, and the obstruction caused by the vaginal packing causing pressure in my rectum made it more difficult to pass and also to determine what was gas and loose and watery BM.

            I don’t mean to tell you these things to scare you off. When you get to this point in your journey, I hope all goes smoothly.

            With love, JAKe/Jeri

          • #136454
            Dana Munson

            JAKe, yes, I have heard that recovery from GCS can sometimes be painful. I guess we all recover differently, based on our age, health, genes, etc.  Frankly, at present I am not looking at full bottom surgery – instead, I am thinking of a vulvaplasty. You may know what that is, but for others I’ll describe it: it’s basically bottom surgery minus the vaginal cavity. Outwardly, looks totally real -vaginal “lips” and all – but there’s just no hole. At my age, sex isn’t a thing on my radar, so the work involved in maintaining the vagina would be work for no real purpose.  I’m guessing (hoping?) that “no vaginal cavity” also translates into a better recovery situation.

          • #136465


            I want to let you know, I had minimal pain, and no pain vaginally. My difficulties were with the other things I mentioned.

            I’m 68 now as I think I’ve said. My rationale for having the full-depth vaginoplasty was twofold. One was I’m still healthy and willing enough now to risk having it done, and the other is I can’t predict the future. Who knows if my sexual juices will increase and I fall in love with someone if my wife were to pass or decide to leave me? Oh, and one more reason, I wish to experience the whole deal of womanhood. If I were younger and it were offered, I would have considered a uterine and ovary transplant, too!

            But I’m reconciled to my age and I know that last desire is a silly thought.🙂

    • #135978

      Hi Dani.
      I enjoyed reading your message because it so closely parallels mine. I’m 80 yo but mentally much younger. I’d been a nylon lingerie fetishist since my early teens. Soon after my marriage I made sure my wife was aware of my need to enjoy my lingerie at home. She accepted my panties and nightgowns, but didn’t want to see me in any other items. This was especially the case, even after she lost all interest in sex.
      Well, like you, I loved my wife very much and kept my needs and desires constrained so I didn’t cause problems with or marriage. But after 57 years of marriage, she died 16 months ago. Almost immediately I felt a very strong need to express myself as a woman of the 1950/60 age when lingerie was still glamorous and fashionable.
      As a 20+ year survivor of prostate cancer, I think the gradual change in my hormone balance over that time had something to do with my changing gender. Whatever caused it, I now feel free to be Bobbie, the woman I would like to be. I’ve always had the undress part of being that woman under control; I have worked on getting the outer image publicly acceptable. I lost 75 lbs, and have purchased clothes, shoes, wigs, cosmetics, jewelry, etc.
      Dressed as Bobbie, I have been to a salon for a make over and for several haircuts and wig trims. I’ve shopped for women’s clothes in stores and tried on my selections in the women’s fitting rooms. I’ve dined and drank in restaurants and bars. On most of my adventures, I have been alone.
      I feel extremely confident and comfortable as Bobbie. I hope some day to find the strength to tell my children. They would be surprised, but eventually supportive. For now, I am looking for a woman like us who is living near me. I’ve met and socialized with a woman I greatly enjoy, but she lives an hour away. Our get togethers have to be planned in advance; no chance for spur of the moment activities.
      I would love to make the medical changes to make Bobbie complete, but my age and medical history work against me. I haven’t seriously thought about SRS, but I am desperate for real breasts. Of course I own bras and various size inserts, but I have noticeable small breasts that are almost always in a soft nylon unstructured bra.
      I’d enjoy a continuing dialogue with you in a private message.

    • #135996

      First of all good luck on your Transition journey, Dani.  Trying to balance our need/want to transition and concerns of a loving spouse is one of the hardest things to do.  Some of us can be happy just being our fem self 50 to 90% of the time and some need to go ‘all the way’ with HRT and the surgeries,  or anywhere in between.

      For me I will likely be ‘socially’ transitioning soon, then MAYBE HRT down the line????  Right now presenting as Cassie and being accepted is nearly like heaven for me.  I know I ‘pass’ most of the time, cause have had NO comments from co-workers or customers at my part time job at Torrid, since they only know me as Cassie.


      .  Cassie

      • #136073
        Dana Munson

        Hey, Cassie!  Interesting that you say you may be “socially transitioning” soon, but also that you work as Cassie and are accepted as such.  We may be using different definitions of “socially transitioning,” girl, but I think you have already jumped, big-time, into the “socially transitioning” pond!  But, that said, I am envious (a little bit) that you get to spend part of your working career as a woman.

    • #136333

      Hi Dani, I’m also in my 70’s, was diagnosed with gender dysphoria in 2018. I’ve been on hormones since 2019… finasteride estradiol and progesterone. My pursuit of an orchiectomy was foremost on my mind for nearly 20 years.It’s been my experience that hormones therapy is a godsend for me and my GD. The effects have been amazing for me both physically and mentally. I would recommend to anyone that they try HRT for 12 months before they proceed with the surgery, especially if they are in our age bracket.


    • #136370

      Hello Dani,

      Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compassion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

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    • #136434
      DeeAnn Hopings


      I think we have 2 parts to deal with:

      • Understanding our true gender identity
      • Taking whatever steps we feel are necessary in order to have our lives reflect that identity.

      Note that for some, action may not be necessary or needed. It all depends upon our personal set of circumstances.

      While I do not recommend this, I came out as the Mistress of Ceremonies of an event in front of about 130 people (including some co-workers) at the age of 67. That was about 4 months before I retired. I am now 74.

      As is often said, this is a journey and not a sprint. There are many things to be considered, about ourselves and those around us. It is an equation, but each of us has to solve it for ourselves. There are many, many solutions because each solution has to be based on our uniques set of circumstances. While there may be similar solutions, no 2 are exactly the same. There are just too many variables.

      Anyway, it sounds like you have a good start on things and Best Wishes to you.


      • #136442


        I loved your response to Dani and it’s nice to see your boldness in coming out. I found I had no choice but to finally hit the world running about 7 years ago while in my 60’s.

        I also appreciated that you said that each person’s journey through this is different because we all deal with unique situations and we’ve all been touched by different experiences and influences during our unique lifetimes. I am 68 now and just had my GRS surgery last week. I need to do it, but I agree each person needs to do what’s needed for themselves.

        • #136443
          DeeAnn Hopings


          There are a couple of things that are important to me.

          • I try to avoid giving advice in the “Do this…” or “Do that…” sense. We don’t have the intimate knowledge of what’s going on for a given person and what their environment is like. But, also important is ownership as it can leave us open to: “I did what you said and now everything is all screwed up! It’s all your fault!”. That’s something that I learned with my kids decades ago and is clearly something to be avoided.
          • The vast majority of us here will openly talk about our experiences; positive ones as well as negative ones. However, we should think of them as data points rather than a road map.  We really need to apply conscious thought to our circumstances and how best to move forward. A therapist can be a valuable ally in this because they operate outside of our own fears and worry. They can help us to see things that we might miss or discount.

          Regarding my own coming out process, I confess that sometimes the idea of “Go Big or Go Home” has a particular appeal. I can’t say why, but that’s how it is…

    • #136445

      This has been an interesting thread. I’m pleased that I started it. I’m new to this website, so please understand my caution in posting, etc.

      Regarding surgery, I came to a decision to have an orchiectomy a few months ago. Following my prostatectomy in 2005, my libido has gradually decreased. This is due to aging as well as the effects of the cancer surgery. I’m effectively impotent and haven’t had sex with another person for more than a decade. My spouse of 50+ years is ok with this; although I feel mentally interested, my reduced libido is ok with this situation as well.

      Taking spiro to reduce T seemed an unnecessary chemical avenue, especially when an orchiectomy is safe and a minor operation compared to prostatectomy. I was able to get an appointment with a surgeon who is experienced in transgender surgery. However, I was disappointed and discouraged when he refused to schedule the operation now or in 4-6 months, and maybe not in a year. He wanted me to continue counseling and therapy, and to start spiro and E before an operation. Why? He said, “because it’s permanent.” Wow! At age 75 (my birthday is Monday), the one thing that we know for sure is my senescence (aging) and subsequent death.
      In some ways, the delay for surgery is ok. I started spiro a few weeks ago and will start with E before too long. This process will be slower than the operation – something that is likely better for my spouse’s growing acceptance. I like (and love) my spouse. We have built good and strong bonds together. I don’t want to lose this. She is gradually coming to understand my imperative in accepting my gender identity and expression.
      The work I’ve been doing with a counselor has been incredibly helpful to me. The decision to start with the spiro has eased my frustration in not “doing something.” So now I’m progressing along a path toward an expressed gender identity that has made me happy and has relieved me from the contradictions and repressions that I’ve lived with so long.
      I hope all the best for each of you who have been reading this and maybe going through some of the same feelings.


    • #136464
      DeeAnn Hopings


      As this discussion continues, let’s be mindful of not hijacking Dani’s thread…

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