Trust!

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  • #90495
    CatAnne Vos
    Participant

    Trust!

    What is it? a Simple 5 letter word, yet so powerful.

    Trust is like respect. It is earned and you don’t get it automatically.

    You have to trust in yourself and in your ability to succeed.

    Who do you trust? The one that stands by you and on your side, even when the stormsof life goes crazy around you and turns your whole world upside down. When you are happy but also when you are sad and at your lowest emotional level. When your heart is broken and your life feels empty and desolate, you need that trust to help lift you up again. To help you back on to solid ground so you can refocus on life again.

    Yes! Only true trust comes from above and also in form of that special person in your life, whether it’s a wife, husband, son, daughter or friend or any other person that shares your heartfelt feelings.

    Broken trust is like an overflowing volcano. a Never ending flow of pain and sorrows that rips your heart apart bit by bit and shreds it into tiny fragments of hate and distain. You back up and crawl into your own littlecorner, your cocoon where you feel safe and salvage whatever is left of your sanity. a Vicious cycle of deceit, disappointments and lies that broke you napart a little bit at a time . The ability to heal that trust becomes a neverending pain. To recover from it you have to let go, find yourself again, let go of the issue, let go of the pain caused by whatever happened and then rebuild your foundations of trust again.

    Where do I see that trust? Look into the two little black eyes of my fur baby, my companion, the one who kissed away my tears in my darkest hours of dispair. The one who don’t know and who don’t understand your pain but trust you without a doubt and is there tohug and comfort you when it feels like your world is falling apart.

    I have trustyes! Trust in my Higher Powers, I have trust in my little fur baby and most of all I have trust in myself and my ability to recover from my broken foundations and scattered fragments. To gather all the fragments again and mold it into a whole shiny piece of a gem again called Trust!

     

    Written in honour of my little Rosie and my long lost friends wherever they are. These are my fragmentsthat makes that shiny Gem of Trust – The simple 5 letter word yet a powerful statement!

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    • #90806
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Ambassador

      AMBASSADOR

      It is usually my practice to assume trust from the beginning, but cautiously so. The theory is that eventually people reveal themselves and their true character when they think that they are “safe” or in some unconscious way. I have found that to be true, and it was demonstrated to me as recently as last year with someone that I thought I knew. The thing is, unless one is pathological, dissonance can only be held for so long. There are so many ways in which minor actions work to reveal what we really think.

      Many years ago I participated in a diversity workshop held by my employer. The group was about 20 engineers and technicians. This particular discussion was about dealing with others across gender, racial, religious, country of origin, etc. differences. One young woman, who was pretty decent at her job from what I knew, frequently had difficulties with men that she worked with and for. The leader of the discussion did a role play where she played herself and he played her boss. It was based on a situation that she had experienced at work where she felt devalued.

      He said: “So I think we understand what the problem is (he was talking about a problem with a production machine). What do you think we should do?”

      She explained what she felt should happen going forward, all of which seemed appropriate and logical. But, when she finished talking, the entire room, except for her, burst into laughter! She said “What did I do, What did I do??”. What she did when she stopped talking was lean back on one foot, put her hands on her hips, a tilt of her head and had a defiant smirk on her face. In effect she was daring her boss to do something different. I knew her, but not very well. She had never struck me as unintelligent or hostile. Yet, her unconscious actions worked to undermine her abilities and reflected the treatment that she <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>thought</span> she would receive. As I said, unless one is pathological, the true feelings will manifest themselves in some way.

      Also, we all know of situations where someone appears to be respectful and inclusive, but in a homogeneous situation with peers, tells sexist and racist jokes. If you are a spy, you are trained to ignore the dissonance and function accordingly, but regular people, not so much.

      As a kid, I was always good at those “Which one is not like the other one?” challenges. As an adult this translates to noticing the uses of an odd word or phrase, intonation, cadence, body language, etc. and how these can contradict what is being said. Usually I have no idea as to what the issue is, but I know something is “off”. What that says to me is that I should pay closer attention to that person as there may be reasons to not trust them.

      Historically, we know that Richard Nixon was as slippery as they come. A psychologist analyzed him during a debate he did with John Kennedy when they were running for the presidency. What he did was watch a recording of Nixon with the sound turned off. Knowing the text of his speech, what he found was that Nixon’s body language indicated that he was not telling the truth.

      To me, trust manifests itself in what we think. As humans, we are imperfect and flawed creatures. We will not always get it right. That just does not happen. But, what is important to me is the <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>desire</span> to do the right thing. That is what I trust because without that, we will never begin to do the right thing…

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